I am absorbing the messages from the Pope. I find it rather nice that the Pope’s name is Pope Francis while our Bishop is Sebastian Francis. Both Francis.

I like Francis. The Francis Assisi that I discovered when I read a book about him. The rich playboy who turned to Christ and started the Franciscan Brotherhood. Oh how I enjoyed reading the stories of the monks and how the clumsy, stammering bunch was used by God to be His instruments of peace.

It is because they were not perfect people that I found inspiration. If they can, so can we. In whatever we pursue.

The Pope preached on May 16, 2013 :

The Pope preached on today’s first reading from Acts 22 and contrasted “backseat Christians” with those who have apostolic zeal.

“There are those who are well mannered, who do everything well, but are unable to bring people to the Church through proclamation and apostolic zeal,” he stated.

The pontiff said apostolic zeal “implies an element of madness,” which he labeled as “healthy” and “spiritual.”
(taken from here : http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/pope-if-we-annoy-people-blessed-be-the-lord/ )

I have been looking deep into my life. I think a certain degree of madness applies in my life. This streak of recklessness have served me well.

Religion can get boring sometimes. Two days ago, we had the Pentecost Vigil. I love vigils because it is like so extreme likedat, staying for hours in church.

But when the rosary lasts for a long time and prayer requests lasts another few hours, I get restless. I sat at the most front row. When I finally get to stand up, I stretched like a cat LOL.

I don’t know. I am not cut out to sit and pray. Maybe a few times a year, I can do it. But if that is my daily life, I think I will get bored. God can’t get thru to me when I am bored.

For me, I am in communication with Christ all the time. In people I see, things I read, songs I hear and even in my mind when I talk to myself.

I don’t know lah, but isn’t that what religion and faith is all about? That we eat, breathe and somehow apply religion in between somewhere?

When you see something or someone, don’t you ask questions like ‘hmmm…what would Christ do, say, act’ or try to emulate what you think He would do, say, act?

Whatever, I hope I am annoying in a good way and not the freaking annoying Christians that preach ‘you are going to die and go to hell and burn in hell if you don’t repent now, I tell you, sure one, sure die and go to hell one’ type. LOL.

Anyway…The Pope has a Twitter account and a Facebook updated with photos of The Pope’s mass, homilies and stuffs. That sort of comfort me that it is not so crazy to have a Facebook and Twitter account because that’s the language people ‘speak’ now. So I shall speak with tongues on Facebook too. Twitter is not so fun nowadays because I tend to mess up my personal account with the one I admin.

I have made my Facebook more public, though there are some I still keep private for ‘Friends’ only. So go follow me on Facebook.

https://www.facebook.com/5xmom?ref=tn_tnmn

My Facebook status updates are a lot more fiery and genuine than my blog entries. I don’t filter that much on Facebook. Cos I am so genuine and sincere you know?

Posted on May 20th, 2013 by Lilian
Filed under: Faith | Comments Off

Over the past weeks, I have heard almost the same sentences uttered by a few people. Maybe I am listening more closely or maybe I do annoy people a bit with my insistence on what is religious and what is not.

A few persons, not one or two but a few persons said this to me – All religions also the same. And they gladly identify their religion, which is one which does not believe in God, to mine.

These people are close to me so I don’t want to engage into a discussion how not believing in a god to believing in God is different.

Its better to be civil and let them be the nice persons they are, than to get relationships severed because if I say it wrong, it may turned out that I am claiming my religion is different, and lots of other wrong impressions.

I was a freethinker when I was a young adult. I grew up in a very traditional ancestors worshipping household. So much so that ‘pray’ means a lot of chores like catching a chicken, kill it, pluck its feather, cook, serve and that means a whole dining table with complete cutleries, wine, tea and empty chairs.

I remember when I was a small kid, I would sit underneath the table and see if I can ‘see’ my grandma/grandpa from Hainan island ‘come’ to eat the meals my mother cooked.

Then, my father died. And my mother no longer has the money or the will to serve the ancestors. So, the prayers sort of faded to a tiny altar. No chicken, no duck? Cos we couldn’t afford so we offered duck egg instead. (its sort of like offering the animals on land, in the sea and in the air)

Then, it further reduced to only Ching Ming and other ‘feast’ like CNY and etc.

So, there is no god in me. I live a free thinker life. I didn’t commit any big sins like killing people or covet other people’s husband LOL so, I suppose it was pretty ok for me.

After that, when I began to have children of my own, I found that sometimes, motherhood can get so helpless, you just gotta find some divine being to hang on to. And through some supernatural stuffs, I ended up seeking a medium and worship Guan Yin.

Again, life was good. And on top of Guan Yin, out of filial piety, I kept my mother-in-law, father-in-law altar in my home in Sungai Ara. Then, another tragedy struck.

I had a son, dying and the doctor told me to pray. I remember he told me so politely and so general one day when we were in HDU. He asked me if I have a religion and I told him yes.

And I did pray. And nothing change. I seek more mediums. Pay more angpows. And then, every kind of gods I began to seek. Even on Thaipusam, I contemplated taking the kavadi if I have to. But I had to care for my son so I couldn’t make it.

At one time, in Lam Wah Ee HDU, a Muslim family had a son in coma. And even that, I thought maybe I could convert if that means saving my son because their child recovered from the coma. (but no one berdakwah to me )

Strangely, now I looked back, Christianity was the last option. After all the major religions and faiths, Christianity was my last option. The best was no one preach to me, I found it myself, my own way.

I guess the path to Christianity has been laid out for me in such a way that it takes God’s own time, own way to find it. And when I find it, I am freed of all the boundaries, limitations, chains and doubts.

Christianity offers me a complete manual of dealing with life. It comforts me that all the difficulties are part of life. It doesn’t promise me promises made by man. It just gives me the peace in the heart to deal with it.

I have to say this – no, your idea of a religion is not the same as my belief in the One True God. I will not argue but will respect how you want to believe. I wont question because I have been there, done that, and hence, my conviction is clear.

But it is sometimes kind of ‘sayang’ (wasted) that those who already have Christ did not see it that way. Some hide their Christ. Today, Fr Phillip’s homily struck me – Don’t be a ‘privatised Christian’. So many are, they are afraid of losing popularity, afraid of not being cool if people know they are Christians.

Oh well, maybe this post may rubs some feathers. But I guess I am so loud-mouth about my Christ, no one do not know I am one. I have been sent to the police station twice for questioning for hours just because of my Christian thoughts. That’s pretty cool to me, and if I have to do it again and again, I will just do it.

Because I am a free person. Christ has freed me, and those who believe.

Posted on May 19th, 2013 by Lilian
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So elections over. 10 days ago. But the mania and hype and every annoying things have not ended. I am getting sick. Sick of the bickerings, sick of the finger pointings and most of all, sick of the people who blindly follow other people without checking if they are apeing and parroting lies or they are saying something sensible.

Just take a simple thing like the price of Gardenia or the 6% GST at Giant. Idiots will keep sharing and screaming like they have been strangled like a chicken waiting to be slaughtered.

Sure, I can ignore idiots like those. But the problem is, innocent naive people will get sucked into the lies and deceptions and I am not one who holds my tongue. Or maybe my words.

Today I had a good time ranting to some people. First it is about this hypocrite who talked like he is an all encompassing loving person who embrace one and all. This is the same idiot who uttered ‘cina kapiak’ in my midst. The same person who asked ‘apa hukum untuk yang makan babi?’. The one who tried to engage me into discussing my religion versus his. Trying to imply that Christianity itu Yahudi.

But that Obnoxious One nowadays have toned down. I ignored and overlooked those. Not until this Hypocrite went up on the podium and try to fool people about how good his religion taught him.

So, I let out the Obnoxious One and let the steam released a bit. And I am back to accept the fact that the world is full of hypocrites, idiots and gila-power politician wannabes. And no matter how much I rant, the statistics won’t change.

Therefore, the Obnoxious One is now very tame. My eyes are opened wider, but so is my heart. These people are not worth my time. Nor my curses. A rant here and there, ok.

That’s not the only thing that pissed me off today. People can take others for granted. And that one? I also gave up. I just throw my hands in the air. Who cares anymore? So long as I remember who I am, uphold my integrity and focus on the Bigger Mission, I will joked through it.

But the Lord is good to me. In the midst of all these fed-up feelings, things are moving slowly. Things that I have set my heart upon doing but yet to find the first stepping stone.

I have certainly changed a lot. But then, I have worked hard to change by getting closer to my faith, understanding deeper and able to see the bigger picture.

The Obnoxious 5xmom is of course always there. Otherwise, what’s the point when I ask for ‘Send the Fire’ when I am but a mere meek mortal who has no courage to speak my mind nor act on things with the hope of making it a better world. So yeah, the fire is there, but don’t risk it by getting me pissed off.

Posted on May 15th, 2013 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | Comments Off

I am not sure if others feel this but these have been the longest two weeks. I cannot wait for elections to be over.

I am so tired of reading political views even from the most unlikely apolitical person on my Facebook.

People no longer rant about bad service at the restaurants they just went or post photos of their foods. Instead, it is all ‘this ceramah I went, that ceramah I went’ bla bla bla yadda yadda yadda.

Even mother-in-laws rants seem to have diminished when people have Barisan Nasional to rant about. So, yeah, BN is more monstrous than monsters-in-law. Bwahahaha.

I am not sure it is good or bad, that we have one common enemy – BN – and people start to be buddies because of that. Suddenly, the world seems to be a better place because we have……no, not PR. The common enemy – BN. Say thank you to BN, please muahahaharr….

It is actually quite silly. That we allow our lives to revolve around politicians and their bad behaviours. Can you imagine? If we share the same passion in something else that is more fruitful? How wonderful this world is going to be?

Say for example, each of us, instead of hating BN or loving PR, or vice-versa if you are a BN fanboi (oh come on, don’t be afraid to say out loud, like Michelle Yeoh), we channel that into doing something else. Like loving our God (whatever form you want your god to be lah, that is).

So, people, think about it? Are we too obsessed already? Is it time we take a step backwards and realise, hey, we actually have a lot of passion in us. Why not use it for more useful purpose? Why spend that passion in hating Rosmah’s ring or shoes or handbags?

Or if you are a BN-fanboi or fangirl, stop hating Lim Guan Eng and instead, use that passion (of hating) to loving and doing something good?

Therefore, chill lah, people. Elections is just a few days away. Let’s not make so much enemies, you can’t hold your head high come May 6th. Someone is going to lose and someone is going to win.

The sun will still rise in the East and set in the West. Nothing is changed. We still need to work for our roof, foods and SKII. Our Candy Crush level still need our determination to overcome. The only big change are the politicians. We common people still have an ordinary life. Maybe with cheaper petrol, or not. With cheaper housing, or not.

So, tralalalala…GE13 fast fast come, fast fast go.

Posted on May 1st, 2013 by Lilian
Filed under: politics | Comments Off

..and I am happy to announce that my blog is no longer Google slapped.

What is Google slapped? It is when Google took me off from their radar because I breached their policy of selling paid links. Tralalalala…*innocent look*

Taken one hot afternoon.

So, for the past year or so, my blog can’t be found on Google. Searches from other search engines are low. Therefore, there isn’t much reason to write cos low traffic = no money = no followers = write for what, ghost read meh?

These past weeks, I have been wondering if I should come back to blogging. Sometimes, the things that swim in my mind are too much for Facebook. Plus Facebook gives people the familiarity that every single thing I wrote, it is their right to response.

Many times, I just want to express things, I don’t want to hear responses. But when people are the so-called ‘friends’, they take it for granted that they can tell you their opinions.

My obnoxious behaviour is – Dont talk to me unless I want you to talk. Otherwise, just shut up. If not, it is very very annoying.

With elections coming, I found that it is not as fun this time. In the last elections, it was more of venturing into unknown territory. We did not know the outcome and we simply rushed in without expecting much political tsunami.

It was more like a wishful thinking, fairytale like whereby we aimed for the sky and we didn’t expect anything.

However, this elections has become too competitive. Now, we have slogans, mob mentalities, colours, organised groups and there is only one ultimatum – Tumbang BN. Suddenly, it is no longer fun because there is the do or die expectations.

Many people took it like it is the end of the world kinda tension. People get nervous, people get defensive if we so much as suggest they may not win, people did a lot of other things which I couldn’t mention. It is just so sickening.

I am tired of this elections and the angsty feelings from every side. I want it to faster end so that we can continue living our normal lives and wait for another five years of elections.

I hope everyone can chill and stop thinking – If you are not with me, you are against me. These stupid tensions from many people have robbed of their human side.

I say – win or lose, life goes on. Stay another five years and try again.

Having said all, I am very sure Penang will be hunky-dory with our current government. There is no other way about it. But I personally do not mind one or two Gerakan ADUNs and less UMNO ADUNs in our state assembly. And yeah, even if I express this opinion, people will start shoving their opinions again to me – that Gerakan is dead, Gerakan cannot win.

My question to them is never answered – Do you want a government where there is only one side? I.e. the ruling and no opposition? They can’t answer me. Do they want only UMNO and no other party? They also cannot answer me. Think. Don’t just parrot the same mantra without thinking of the big picture.

Anyway, it is really a dark stormy night with thunder blazing in the horizon where I can see both 1st and 2nd Penang Bridges. Awesome place I am staying now. Awesome life I have. Thank God for that.

And don’t push your political thoughts to me. I am not asking for any.

The Obnoxious 5xmom is back…..until she gets too lazy again.

Posted on April 24th, 2013 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 4 Comments »

Today is the last day of catechism class for me.  My knowledge of Christianity, especially the Old Testatment is so bad, I openly told my class who are 13 years old that I am not worthy to be their teacher.

But circumstances put me there, so I openly make the leap because faith tells me that I can do all things through Him (Jesus Christ) who strengthens me.  I told the 13 years old about faith.  I asked them what is faith to them? Many of them know what it is but finds it hard to describe. They said it is something that brings us closer to God and give us that relationship with God.

They got it right. Faith is what we feel inside but can’t describe. Faith is not something someone can teach us. I told them that none of us teachers can teach them faith. It is something they have to believe that have it inside and that somehow, they can fall back on faith.

They can read the Bible front to back and they may know the names of all the prophets but they will still not have faith unless they experience it. That doesn’t mean they can forget about the Bible. With faith, with the belief that the Bible is God’s Words, the Bible is like Jesus talking to us, we will find comfort.

For 13-years old, they still possess the innocence of a child so it is not so difficult for them to seal the belief of a Living God, of Holy Spirit in them. I know they will turn to God if they are ever in trouble.

But what about the rest of us? I told them that I was converted to Catholicism at 38 year. They know why I turned to Christianity. I had hit rock bottom and there is no other option for me. And at that moment, I found a God that talks to me through the Bible. I have no basic knowledge of Christianity so the Bible is one thick book with weird stories full of sex, sometimes incest and other gory stuffs. God in the Old Testament was a punishing God, the kind who wiped off the whole earth.

That’s why I like to swerve and fast forward my class to Jesus and the Gospel because it is only when I discovered the simplicity of Jesus’s teachings that I can grasp on. I want them to have faith in Jesus first then only learn the complexity of things before Christ.

Someone today asked me why when she started to believe in God, things seem to have gone haywire? Why things didn’t improve but instead getting out of control? Why God didn’t lead her to the right way?

From my own experience, I turned to Christianity because things were not making sense. I embrace Christianity when I discovered that Jesus is the same person like me who lived in a world that did not make sense too.

Things never go the way Jesus intended when He was on earth. He got spitted on, He got trampled, He may have His 12 apostles and thousands of followers but we can see He was a lonely man as well, He readily died. He shows faithfulness to God, the Father. He have trust and faith that it is God’s will.

So, I have never journey as a Christian expecting a smooth path ahead of me. I never expect God to do things my way. I just have trust that come what may, I have that Jesus in the shadows, walking with me, no matter how hard the path is.

This is a big difference from my previous faith where I pray only when I need something. I pray for this, I pray for that. As a Christian, I only pray that none of us, my children and I, steer too far off the path and that we will turn back to the path God intended if we do.

So, to the person who asked me why things seem to have gone haywire, I just can say, have faith, God understands us better than we understand ourselves. It may not make sense now, it may be hard to endure now, but down the long, narrow path, we will find the reason one day. Have faith, have the free fall that at the end, there is God’s saving hands to pull us out of whatever we are going through.

Unless and until we have faith that in our sufferings, pains and hurts, we will find Christ with us, embracing God is hard. Christianity offers us that ‘role model’ of a man in pain to be with us. Jesus Christ knows what it is like being betrayed, Jesus Christ knows what disappointment is, Jesus Christ had been there, done that. So, trust that Jesus is the saving grace, whether you know Him or not.

Flip your Bible to Matthew, and ask the same questions you asked me. Trust me, the words will leap out and you will find your answers there. God bless. I leave you with 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Posted on October 28th, 2012 by Lilian
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I told a group of 13 years old – We can teach you about the religion but faith, you have to discover it yourself.

Some of them get the meaning of faith. Some give a blur look but I am pretty sure they know what faith is but just cant find the word to describe it.

However, many of us probably never know what faith is even when it slammed into us.

It will be kind of sad if one doesn’t have faith. Faith is what keeps hope alive, and keeps us living a full life.

I have faith in friends, strangers, situations, nature and of course, all boils down to Jesus.

Some examples are

• when I ran out of petrol, I have faith Jesus will not let me get stranded and I will go an extra mile till I have time to pump
• when I think someone is good, I have faith Jesus will show me the dark side if any before things screwed up
• when I am venturing into something, I have faith Jesus will smoothen the path or put a big obstacle to tell me to turn back
• when I think I want to serve the community/church, I will jump in and I have faith Jesus will make every impossible thing into workable and do-able thing
• when I am feeling rotten and think things will get worse, I will tell myself, nay….dont worry so much about it because Jesus will settle it for you

Maybe I have a naive outlook, maybe I am loved by God to have a big dose of faith, maybe I like to escape and being irresponsible and pile things on a God we can’t see.  But maybe I am really in Christ and faith comes to me naturally.

Looking back, being in Christ has left me less insecure because there is always a Saviour in the shadows to pull me out of deep waters.  I have a Counsellor to guide me from getting into trouble.  I have a Comforter to sooth the fears and pains.  I have the One God which is synonymous with faith.

In this Year of Faith, Catholics are called to pray , “Lord, increase my faith”.  Amen.

Posted on October 15th, 2012 by Lilian
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