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“How do you feel?”

“How do you feel?” is a question that we often asked in our counselling course. It must be said with such feelings, using your hands, with palms open and do that fanning up from the heart to conjure up feelings.

I spent 100 hours in counselling course and I got a certificate signed by the Bishop. It costed me money, of course but it was a good soul searching time. I changed a lot after that. Now you can no longer find the F-word on my blog and I think the word OBNOXIOUS dropped from my blog banner too.

Anyway, over the last couple of days, a few girlfriends had asked ‘What does it feel to be 50?’

Well, let me try to think what difference there is between 49 years old 364 days and 50 years old. Well, nothing.

I started my birthday on a very spiritual and faith-laden day. I had plenty of time to ponder about what I am going to do for the rest of my life. Well, not really but at least I know I am into something that I have always wanted to do – mission.

With that tame, proper and prim start, I suppose it is time to grow old LOL.

At the same time, someone I don’t really know well but know fondly passed away. I got teary over it over and over again because of the sudden loss. He was only 51. So it hits home that I better live life fully. His death and the outpouring of grief on his FB taught me to be nicer to people. I want to be nicer because I don’t want the world to clap and cheer LOL. I want strangers cry over me LOL.

Initially beginning of this year, I had that crazy thought that to celebrate the BIG 50, I should have some hen party kinda celebration. You know…when you are that old, you don’t need to be so ‘nice girl’ anymore. But nay….fate had it that I spend it in a reflective weekend with churchie people doing Jesus-y things.

So yeah, nothing life changing being a 5-series. So far, not yet. I still get my period LOL so that means I am not menopausal yet. Maybe I will celebrate the next milestone – when I don’t need to buy tampons anymore. Wonder what I will do with spare tampons should the Aunt Flo decided to stop, huh? Use it to plug my nose when I have runny nose? Use it to stuff my ears if it is too noisy?

Freaky people on Facebook

Just feel like ranting on those freaky people we stumbled upon on Facebook.

THE CHRONIC LIKER

It gets on my nerve when the same person has to Like each and every single one of your FB status. It comes to a point when I was almost too afraid of logging into FB because that same name will appear like 10 times Like Like Like Like arrgggghhhh… Even the most mundane update gets a Like.

I don’t know what’s wrong with these people. Is it because every single word from me is so profound? Even when I post a packet of nasi lemak also get a Like. Or is it because the person somewhere out there is jumping up and down, hoping you will notice him/her and reply with a Thank you for Like my status?

Sheesh…Solution for these sort of people? Unfriend and Block them.

THE POTONG STIM COMMENTOR

You know…when you write a sarcastic update…… Or you just want to hit out at someone but since you can’t say it openly, you say some vaguely? And that Potong Stim fella will come and post some inane, irrelevant comment that totally spoil your mood.

THE ‘YOU SO KESIAN, COME I CLAP FOR YOU’ PERSON

There are plenty of people who hovers around the internet thinking they are oh so clever and so caring and so all-that-bullshits. At the slightest hint of sadness/frustrations/anger in our status updates, they will quickly come out of the blue and quickly post some uplifting words like they are some angels like that.

THE PAIN-IN-THE-SELATAN PEOPLE

The kind who never cheer you on when you say the right thing but will quickly jump right in and try to bully his/her opinions on you when you update something that breaks their ego or something. They just need to quickly push their 2 cents worth of smarty pants opinions. Such a pain.

THE ‘I AM SO HOLY, YOU ARE GOING TO HELL’ PEOPLE
I think I don’t need to elaborate on this. Or else the person will curse me to hell deeper.

So, dear Facebook friends of mine, please keep this in mind.

1. I can be very nasty so stop Like every single one of my updates.
2. No one can disagree with me on my Facebook updates. You have your own FB, please go far-far and play.
3. Keep your mouth shut and your fingers from tapping your views when I don’t ask for it.
4. I can spew out thoughts and views and type them real fast. You can’t catch up, so don’t try.
5. If FB has an Unfriend All pain-in-the-selatan button, I will do it now.

Sheesh…I could just Unfriend a few but maybe it is easier I put a big warning cos the world is so infested with annoying people.

The ‘OMG I am going to be 50!’ assimilation post

So here I am. Sprawled on the sofa because my brain is too hyped up due to the Americano I had but the body is doughy after one hour Zumba and 30 minutes massage on the massage chair.

So, I am assimilating self to be 50. When I was a kid, I remember 50 is like the dead-age for a woman. If I am not mistaken, women retired at 50. Women get their EPF at 50 and they can prepare to die after spending all the money. I also thought women are no longer women because when you have breasts that go down south and you are too old (for a kid of 10 maybe 50 is ancient, ok?) to have sex, you are just a bag of skin going around, nagging little kids to be neat, to be well-mannered and things like that.

But here I am…..going to be 50 in less than 3 weeks, I think. So shall I resign myself to be the walking bag of skin and lard LOL? Well, I think my hubby told me I can withdraw a certain percentage of my EPF. And I think I can retire too. Looking south, I think I am not blessed with boobs that have elasticity to go down south, so that’s ok.

As for the other age-factor thingie, I shall not comment.

A few months back, I was so excited and determined to join a course organised by my church. The moment I heard about it, I said ‘Take my money, I am coming’. Initially, the course costed RM250 and I wasn’t the least perturbed. Then, before they take my money, they have reduced the price to only RM50, I think? Whatever, I was so sure in my heart that’s what I want to attend.

Never mind that I no longer have a leisurely Sunday after where I can take a nap after church. I no longer can commit to any overtime work in the afternoons. I no longer can go for Zumba or swimming or hiking or anything.

Its only later that I found out to my horrors, we have a retreat on the weekend of my birthday! A retreat sounds nice eh? But retreats to me are quite boring, torturing and sometimes, I do get a lot of enlightenment. Can’t help it that my idea of a retreat is spa, good foods, plushy bed, room service and things like that.

Then I had this struggle – Do I drop the idea of the course since it is going to spoil the big milestone of my life? I don’t know what’s the big deal about birthday lah but I think since it is the BIG FIFTY, I should at least spend with my family. Oh ya….retreat means away from luxury, family and sometimes having to bunk in with strangers. Yayaya, I am not only spoilt, I am also quite the ‘But mommy, I dont like being with strangers!’ person.

But I was so drawn to the idea of the course and I took the bold step and signed up, committed myself not to skip any classes and go for the retreat, albeit rather reluctant. Because I believe a bold decision like that certainly makes Jesus melts in His heart. Yayaya, I am manipulative, even with Jesus.

Now, I will just whine till its over. As for the course, it is one of those things that I can foresee will be the path for me in future. I still harbour the idea to take up clinical pastoral care (the kind of person who talks to dying people and prepare them for death, sombre rite?). Since I still cant drop everything and attend the full-time course in Assunta, I shall just equip myself with smaller/simpler courses.

I foresee this old lady with her bag of skin and lard running around till she is 70, 80 and maybe 90. I am going to make the best of the rest of the years. So, may God grants me good health and a sharp mind till then cos I have so many things I want to do.

One long overdue ranty post. Because I can.

Once upon a time, The Obnoxious 5xmom was one angry person. She could curse like sailor. Then, somehow along the way, she found peace with herself. And her surroundings. So she floats around in an ethereal cloud of selfies and dispenses good advices. Here are some for two above 50-years old women who behave like 10 years old kids.

Unfortunately, some women my age are still trapped in that vicious vortex (imagine a cyclone? that twirl non-stop?). Come on, I am going to be 50 in a few weeks. You two are much older than me. Please grow up?

The only reasons that I did not seize both of you and give it a good lashing on my Facebook is because either your young relative is reading my Facebook or your circle of acquaintances (I won’t label them friends because they are just amusing self with your burst of menopausal tantrums) and I don’t want to break that fallacy. Which is I am good (FACT) and you are good (FALLACY).

I am almost 50, and by now, I can sense when my hormones wreck havoc and I know how to behave. Not like you two. Tsk tsk tsk…first, the old one (L1) went to the younger (but still older than me and henceforth shall be labelled L2) FB and guess it was me L2 is cursing.

Sorry my dear L1, its not me. I pity you that after all these years, you still harbour hatred for me. Tsk tsk tsk…try play basketball, see can grow taller or not? Don’t get your life entwined around me. I am not worth it. I got my tralalala happy life. You can find yours too if you stop behaving like a 10 years old school girl.

And L2, you did some very bad things to me. Well, guess what? I am rubber skin, all bad things only bounce back to you. And my dear L2, when you ranted about me, I got plenty of screenshots of that rant sent from Whatsapp from KL, Penang, BN and PR people. Woohoo, you didn’t know I have so many friends eh? And I am way beyond insults, I don’t go around telling your boss like you did to me. Cos I care about your family members, I won’t thrash you because I am taught and reminded to love one another. If I can’t stand you, at least I still have the humane heart to know the repercussions. Not like you. Tsk tsk tsk…who can be so evil like you?

I am 49 and I don’t behave like a 10 years old kid like you who ran to the teacher and cry ‘teacher teacher, Lilian say bad things about me, punish Lilian, teacher.’ Then, go to headmaster and stomp feet and demanded the same thing. And worse still you went around the school sand play area and demanded other people don’t friend Lilian and her evil friends. And then, tried to throw sands in their rice.

Please grow up? I am not your problem. You need to search deep inside you what bothers you. You have behaved way beyond the normal professional facade. Cursing people. Reminding people like you did anything great for them. Dragging your company’s name to scare people eh? Woi, people don’t care much about your company lah, cos so many competitors out there now. We are in 2014, no 2004. Time has passed by. Time to get thin, get healthy, get happy.

I decided to give you two this pedas2 post because if I continue to keep quiet, you two are going to conjure up even more hatred. Our faith taught us to turn to God. Turn to God. If I really pissed you off, try to forgive me. Once, twice, until you foam in the mouth or I foam in the mouth…Keep trying. Cos I bear no malice against both of you. Just that I need to say this in the most spicy way or you two will forever swirl twirl whirring in that vortex of hatred of yours.

And yes, peace be with you two. Maybe you need to take a good look and ask yourself why? Plus stop mixing together, it is dangerous to conjure up imaginative hates especially each one of you keep feeding each other with more coals.

Don’t be too much of an assh*le

I don’t know about others but I have this sense of helplessness hanging around me after so many deaths and tragedies. Previously, we relied on our local TV stations and newspapers for news. Now, we get raw emotions delivered to us live. We see gory photos and videos. We keep our eyes glued to the latest development and like it or not, we are sucked into the sombre mood.

So, I have been thinking about my own mortality. I wondered what will happen to my self when I am dead. Yesterday, a sentence in The Fault In Our Stars struck me. The girl had prepared an eulogy for her dead boyfriend and he got her to rehearse his own funeral. But at the real funeral, the girl put away the eulogy she had jotted down.

Instead, she spoke off the cuff after looking at the grieving mother of her boyfriend. She said to herself, “Funerals are not for the dead.” And true indeed. We don’t need all the hoo-haa for the dead.

Having said that, I did give my mother-in-law a decent funeral with all the Chinese opera, cymbals and bells because I know that was the kind of funeral she enjoyed when she go to others funerals.

Oh you may ask what connection death and my title of Don’t be too much of an asshole has to do with each other. Well, I certainly do not want to be too much hated that when I am dead, there are people rejoicing my death. I think I will be kinder, not that I am not already, so that at least there are some people to cry over me.

Cos like my mother-in-law, I think I will love to hover around in my invisible state and count the number of people who cried. So you see, live simple life. Don’t harbour too much hate. Don’t let those anger and jealousy and other negative feelings eat you up.

Nowadays, I am very patient, forgiving and though still defiant, I can pretty much sit back and watch people burn on their own without me adding the coals and fanning the flame.

Age probably made me wiser. I don’t allow vindictive, small-hearted assholes ruin my life anymore. Focus on my principles, and I trust these people will self-destruct on their own. I don’t even wish bad karma befalling them too. Cos I prefer to leave this world, clean. I don’t want to owe anyone anything.

So yeah, stop being such a jerk. You do not know if you have time to make amends. Life is short, be nice. And no this is not a curse for you. It is an advice for all.

Profound thoughts on death and dying

Just watched The Fault in Our Stars movie. It is about two teens dying of cancer. And when I came out of the cinema I was greeted with news that another planed crashed and more people died.

Reminds me of the time when I used to sit with cancer patients and after warming up with them, I would broach the subject of ‘the afterlife’ and if they are sure where they are heading. You see, some people who aren’t sure what is going to happen to them after death, sometimes find it hard to let go and die in peace.

The movie showed flashback of the mom telling her 13 years old daughter not to be afraid to let go (as in die if you have to).

With all these planes crashes and tragedy, I wonder if people also think of their own lives? We will all die someday. Or maybe in the next moment.

Maybe it is the oxygen tube and tank that stir up my need to write in length. During the movie, we have our little boy siting between my hubby and I. First I told little boy, “That’s exactly what Vincent had. We had three tanks.” Then, hubby who didn’t hear my whisper repeated the same thing.

Yeah, maybe that’s why I just want to ramble. Of the mini tank which we carried on our back, the 2-3 feet in height which we had to strap to a luggage trolley, the humongous one which our dumb doc prescribed and finally the oxygen concentrator which we rented, after finding a smart doctor.

Maybe I didn’t quite get over the people staring at Vincent when we had to bring him to the hospital with oxygen, trolley and a tube. Those idiotic people who stopped me in my track to ask kepochee questions while I was rushing into ER so that the nurses can fix the oxygen supply to their hospital main one (and charge me of course).

Whatever….I pause and thank God that I had my dose of such sobby-sobby stuffs in my life once. I can now better grasp life tragedies. Not that it is easier or less painful to see those family of the flight tragedies…but at least I have a bit more of the jigsaw puzzle of life.

During the movie, in the most sombre funeral part, the Van Houten Dutch guy made me LOL. He said, “This is where we pretend to pray.” I find that utterly funny. Because so many people think they are praying but actually, they spew a lot of nonsense.

Oh maybe, I am still quite sore with all those people who spew nonsense about life and death as if they had been to hell and back and can smugly talked like they know it all. I think I have not question God why these things happen. I have resigned myself to the fact that we all have to die, somehow. So I don’t ask why.

At the same time, I don’t spew religious nonsense and cliche words like God is putting us to test lah, God will not place a trouble too hard lah, God this, God that.

Looking at my last blogpost, I think I am making this Obnoxious blog looking like some depressed woman’s blog. But then, it is not like you can find someone who can actually relate to what I wrote up there. Plus it is not like FB is the place to talk sombre stuffs

So yeah, here is flushing some of the sick feelings of so many tragedies. While brushing my teeth, I think this year has been filled with more deaths and funerals than anything else. Right from Karpal’s shocking accident until now, it has been one tragedy after another.

It has been 12 years now

Dear Vincent

You would have been 13 now. I have plenty of 13 years old in my class so I do not need to visualise how big 13 years old are.

Today, I suddenly thought what you would have been like if you are still around. Sensible as I am, I know you had taken a better path. I know that 12 years ago, on May 1, 2002, you probably had decided you had enough. It was like a marathon run for you just by breathing, so said Dr. Cheang. All those drugs they injected into you and force fed down the tubes probably worn you out.

So yeah, 12 years later, I am actually glad you chose to stop breathing altogether and changed our world. It was hard but nevertheless, it was doable for us. In Christ.

Even now, if I hear the song ‘Winds Beneath My Wings’ it still scream ‘Vincent’s song’. So yeah, mommy never forget you. And guess what? I no longer wonder if you still remember us. Jesus did gave us many examples about life and death. So I won’t ask the question because I know faith will somehow reunite us one day. Or not. It doesn’t matter because you were never really far apart from my heart.

So, happy anniversary up there on heaven.

Next week, I am going back to UMMC PICU and walked the path where you had been. The long and crooked corridors, the quiet ward with machines beeping all the time, the gloomiest place on earth where parents prayed for their children to survive. The place where they wrapped you up in some old white-turn-gray bedsheet that costed me RM5, the metal casket that the morgue’s mandatory rule was to put you inside, but saved by Prof’s kindness who let me carry you.

Well, May 1, 2002 had been the darkest day in my life but I know it was also the turning point. I found God. Your brothers embraced Christ’s teachings and we got a little brother after you. So, yeah, all is not lost because we found God.

“Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” And I say yes! I believe. And if anyone can believe Jesus’s Beatitudes of Blessed are they who mourn, they have truly lived like I am now. Praise to You, Lord Jesus.