My Vincent was born Sept. 24th 2001. I got his medical reports today, January 24th 2005. From the doctor, through a lawyer. All I asked was a few questions, which came 100% from me. I decided to ask the few questions as I feel I have the right to know. Afterall, I had spent RM85,000 there and spent 2 months in that hospital. Afterall, I had written an ICU guidebook.
If you have a fall and sprained your leg, your doctor will give you a medical report too, right? So, I also asked for the medical report for my son who was born there.
I sought the opinion of some close friends. I sought the guidance from my parish priest. I asked my priest a very dumb question. But good thing is he never see me as a dumb person but always give me smart answers. I told him whether it is stupid of me to demand for explanation when I am not interested to know the answer. I asked if it is wrong of me to attempt seeking justice when I feel it is wrong to do so because it seems like I am questioning God’s will? I told him I do not know what I want but I feel it is wrong if I let the matter rest. As usual, a conversation with him always make me a few notches smarter and ‘saint-ner’. He just asked me to follow my heart (well, that’s what I heard he said) because there is no right and wrong to it. Trust God.
So, today I finally got the report. Which is no better than not knowing because everything in there is what I had known. Most of the pertinent questions I asked aren’t answered. But I am satisfied, nonetheless. Because I had been ‘honoured’ with a lawyer and doctor’s reply to my very innocent set of questions.
I still do not know what to feel so I shall just go and bake myself a bread. Yeap, use flour, yeast and bake a bread. Sit down and watch patiently if the bread rise properly. Wait for the bread to bake and if it turns out too hard or too soggy, I can just take the bread and stomp on it. Tear it to pieces and flush it down the toilet bowl. Or if the bread turns out beautifully, I just snap a photo and blog it. And life goes on….
Updated : 5.45pm
The bread is baked and it tastes great. Moral of the story? You tell me.