The words in the above pic rings in my head. I took the photo in Perhentian Island. I borrowed the words with permission from Isaiah. Isaiah is a wise person who wrote beautiful, motivating things like eagle wings and stuffs like that, about 4,000 years ago. Long before Jesus was born. If you like the pic, please feel free to use it. Just remember the person who stands in the hot sun capturing that staircase to the sky and her photoshopping skill.
That sentences. I read it 3 kali satu hari (3x per day) for 2 weeks. I believe in it. Thoroughly believed. I even do it in Perhentian, Kota Bahru and at home. (of course the whole thing I read is 3 minutes long or 2 pages and not only these sentences la)
Yet, I got malu-fied and mempersiahsueykan diri sendiri. (embarassed myself) Imagine this:
Someone very senior to me, very old, walked to me. Slapped head.
“Aiyoooo Lilian, what happened to you? Why did you do it so badly?”
I want to dig a hole, go 6 feet under and hope to die and rot instantly. But would I do that? No way. Because even if I rot to death, the maggots will be laughing at me.
Pull composure, look deep into the eyes of Mr. Senior.
“I had done my best. I am sorry it wasn’t good enough.”
Mr Senior asked, “When is your next duty?”
Miss Malu-fi-ted, “On XYZ Thursday.”
Mr. Senior slapped forehead again,”Oh my God, that is a big occassion, you know?”
Miss Never-give-up, “Yes, I know and I can do it.”
Mr. Senior realised that Miss Malu-fied is Miss Never-give-up agreed to the chance.
Real reasons which I refused to tell Mr. Senior are plenty. I am someone who do not like to give excuses or hear excuses from others. Not even my kids. You screwed up, you do better next time.
But in order to get this malu-fying moments off my chest, I have to write it.
Reasons are plenty:
1) I am new, only a novice, on the ‘job’ for 5 times only.
2) I had been coughing and having weird voice for 3 weeks liao.
3) This is the 3rd time Mr Senior reminded me. The first time, I was unprepared because the person who was supposed to turn up, never did. I had to do two persons duties, mike died on me. (nolah, michael ooi) Thank God for that because no one can hear me mispronounced.
4) The 2nd time, again, the other person did not turn up again. I had to do a last minute thing again. God, why are you so like dat? Every time I oso kena. You know how scary it is or not, God? I sat there for a whole long 4 mins with my heart about to jump out of my mouth because I wasn’t ready to do someone else job. Hundreds of ears and eyes are on me. Your voice is lost in my ‘thump-thump-thumping’.
5) The 3rd time. I guess Mr. Senior had seen me twice screwed up so I am a good water turtle to thrash. I don’t blame him, he has to maintain discipline and standard.
6) The 3rd time – I was scared shit also because the person who has confidence in me is no longer around. The person who allowed me the ‘job’ wasn’t there to provide the security. Usually, he will give me a smile (which I take as approval) after the whole thing is over. And in his place, I had endured two new persons. Two new persons who are there to scrutinise and observe every word of mine. And what do I have? No voice, sore throat, itchy throat.
Earlier, before I was reminded of how bad I was, I had wanted to forgo the 2 minutes on XYZ Thursday duty for 1.5 hours of Beethoven 9th Symphony. But now? I am going to give myself one more go. I suppose Beethoven has to wait. I know Jesus will not pull another joke on me. I am made of sterner stuff, ain’t I?
P/S : I am not revealing everything so don’t ask me what I am blabbing about. But if you can guess, give me your words of encouragement, puhleez……