What to do when you get tulan-ted

Err..no, that’s not a spelling error for talented. Tulan-ted is a nicer , sweeter, more well-mannered way to express frustrations. Tulan means something that is wimpy and stinky and of no purpose except to breed more tus. Tu is swine, useless and dirty, serves no purpose except to clog your arteries. Whether they exist on earth or not, it makes no difference. Buddhists can live without them. Muslims have avoided them. But people like me, well, just get tulan-ted often because of some unknown reasons.

What does one do when one feels tulan-ted? It is not healthy to take it out on my precious kids. It is not wise to take it out on my atm because he supplies endless cash. It is not smart to take it out on my friends and especially, online friends. It is dangerous to become road bullies. Or alcoholic. If I blog it too ofen, my regular readers may avoid my blog.

Some eat. Like Twinsmom and her angry crepes. I don’t eat. It makes me fat. I mop the floor. Then, I take these creatures, snipped off their heads and kkcs. After that, I split their back open. Rub salt into their wounds. Heat the oil, throw ’em creatures into the hot oil and feel so damn shiok when the oil splatter all over the kitchen wall and floor. More chance for me to mop the tulan-feeling away. And the creatures split even wider in the bubbling oil.

Not satisfied. I take another wok, heat it real hot. Take some garlic and ginger and smashed them real hard with the cleaver. (cleaver is a big, big knife which can chop off human heads) Throw the ginger, garlic and add lots of cut cili padis. Still tulan. Take out a big handful of coarsely grounded black pepper and throw into the oil. Go, die! Burn, tulan! Scoop up the creatures from the other wok, throw them into cili wok. Splash some sugar and dark soya sauce into the wok. Walau-eh, the fire jump from the stove into the wok. Giving my whole kitchen a reddish glow. Very chiqik. Take the rice wine and splash into the wok. Woohoo, more fire.

And ahhhhh….I can sing ‘You lost that tulan feeling’ to the rhythm of ‘You lost that loving feeling’. I have Malay and Indian Muslim neighbours, so I suppose they do not mind the tulan song. Silap-silap dengar, macam teladan.

I end up with a plate of this tulan releasing Black Pepper Prawns.

But, I do not like them anymore. Instead, I ate a plate of wimpy celery and cauliflower stir-fry. And to wash away the tulan-ted smell, I went to Tesco and bought the most expensive toileteries they sell. RM100 just for shower creams! Woohoo! Sebamed and Rainbath. Hmmmm…get my loofah and scrub, scrub, scrub. Blog, blog, blog and the world goes tick-tock-tick-tock.

*Don’t ask who or what tulan-ted me. Because I myself do not know too. Important thing is to know how to release tulan feelings healthily.*

19 thoughts on “What to do when you get tulan-ted

  1. Jason dun care bout who or how u got tulan-ted,but Jason do care whether he can eat the prawns anot….

    yummy yummy…only my grandma likes to cook this type,my mum likes to steam the prawn with little bit of wine.Sighz…no chi kek one…and my grandma passed away d…along with the secret of cooking authentic hainanese chicken rice. :((

  2. Wah so fast got so many tulan support group gang liao.
    Jx – sleep no productive
    Silencer – even more tulan-ner time, clean the whole house but too bad, my house still messy ‘cos seldom rise to that level
    Jason – Hehehehe, my fellow Hainanese.

  3. Heh…must be PMS’ing lah Auntie Lilian. I’m like that too. Just like bkworm feeling “mung” today…hehehe..
    p.s. i still haven’t solved my mystery lah…still deciding wat to do…any ideas?

  4. kekkee…whenever i feel tulan-ted..i will review back this blog, imagine how “cruel” u habiskan the prawn gao gao

    p/s: is the prawn eatable? its look like already “nong” (overcooked till jadi almost jadi abu)..kekeke..

  5. I vacuum the house when I’m mad or do other chores. Or sometimes I scribble scribble until there was once the paper berlubang…I terscribbled on my bed =P But nowadays, most of the time I will merajuk tak tentu pasal until Naz say “stoppppp…….enough adiiii”

  6. Tulan make me can’t sleep..I will lagi tulan in my dream..
    I will keep curse who make me tulan til myslef oso cannot tahan..hehee…

  7. Msau – wah…you very cheong hei lor, can curse till sleep.
    S-kay – now cuma bf, wait till dah married for 20 yrs. Challenging, I tell you.
    MG – Hmmm…what shall I cook? Sausages! 101 minced sausages!
    Katsmew- Tks for the ‘u r wicked’ compliments.
    MMGirl – Glad you like my blog. I think I saw you black face b4 leh. *muahahaha* Smart girl. Yalor, dunno why my red chilies also turned so blackened.
    Cherry – I am wondering too. Waiting.
    Water – Got 6 but they are hidden underneath. Cannot show too many, nanti you lick the computer monitor, susah.

  8. if i very tulan’d, i go out and mess around with my small potted garden. tarik the weeds with zest! take my iban parang and slash some branches! take baygon and spray nasty ants! muahahahar! feel powderful liao! not so tulan’d already šŸ˜‰

  9. Er Buaya, habis la semua pokok2, semut2.
    Sexymama – Not PMS, lagi dasyat mya. Menopausal, I think.
    S-Kay – ya, you have grown up a lot from the experience.

  10. Auntie, you still young la… not menopausal yet.
    You cook like those chef in the restaurants, have two woks side by side ah?

  11. Geeee.. u r good eh Li Lian..boy i laughed till my tummy ache…plus.. i can’t laugh it loud coz my bb is sleeping…
    Salute to u m’am

  12. Haiyah, aunty, you almost make my boss tulan coz i can’t help but lol after reading your blog when my boss was trying to ask me somehting serious!!!

    I can imagine every detail. Muahhahahahah!!

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