Just curious, if say can turn back time, would you do it again? be a SAHM? Would you have done it sooner, later? – Signed, MrS B
MrS B asked me this in my earlier blog ‘Identity crisis of a housewife‘ And I had taken days pondering over this.
Frankly, I don’t know. Believe me, it is one of the toughest decision I had to make. Even tougher than whether I want to be married or convert to Catholicism. Even tougher than whether I should start a family/get pregnant or buy that bigger house or newer car.
This is not something I can just jump and decides later whether will live or die. I thought real hard about it, screwed enough people (ex-colleagues) to make sure that I have little choice left and then, take the dignified way out. And with lots of tears too.
You see, I was a blardy super-efficient employee that no one can live without. (my boss can only endure 1 mth without me so I took only 30 days maternity leave each time) *muahahaha* I was over-paid and under-worked. My salary was higher than my colleagues of the same age as me who are U-grads (I am only SPM holder). I had employees share option schemes, a huge, posh, cool office of my own, 4-6 months bonuses and all the perks. Colleagues either love me or wish to kill me. That kinda person, I was.
And to throw all that away and be at home, full-time to 3 kids? Driving them 40 mins one-way, twice and even 4 times a day to and from school? On top of that, I had to be tied down to taking care of a toddler, a house which is 2.5 storey with front and back garden? No one to praise me, no one I can bitch with, no adult to talk to, no female friends and absolutely no male friends except the butcher, fishmongers and gas delivery man. *eewwwwss* And no internet at that time.
But I had to because my mom died suddenly and my kids were left in daycare centre. My eldest son was asthmatic and all the stress of travelling to and from school in a bas sekolah (school bus) worsened it. And hence, I had no choice. The Big Boss (God, I mean) up there was kind and started a conspiracy to help me through it. My company went through some bad times, no bonus, no increment and the last straw was when they asked the employees to note down every phone calls they made, duration, purpose etc. And to top it off, we were reprimanded for every seconds we were late for work/back from lunch and yet, not taking into consideration the extra hours we put in.
So, I put a
curse friendly reminder to the big boss that with that kind of management, the company is going to lose their employees loyalty. Five years after I left, the whole Penang HQ was closed down, employees had to move to Tikam Batu, Kedah and all my ex-colleagues are no longer working there. Am I good or wut?
Back to the questions above:
1) If I can turn back the clock, will I stop working from baby #1 – Definitely NO!!!! Because I need to find out who I am, what wonderful individual I am and appreciate myself before I can impart any wise parenting guidance to my kids. I wasn’t ready to give it all up when I was 25 yrs old (first kid). I was still trying to get a feel-good of myself then.
2) Would I have done it sooner or later? I would have done it much, much later if my ever trusted mom was around because my two kids were in her good hands. Anyway, if I am still working, I wouldn’t be mad enough to have 5 kids. I would have stopped at 3.
If people think that it is easy for a woman to just turn away from a job, no matter how simple it is, and be a full time mother, think again. It involves our pride, sanity, identity and almost all our individuality. It takes a lot of tears and frustrations too. It is NOT easy to be a full time mom aka housewife aka homemaker aka SAHM. A vocation is one hellish vacation (Mr. B!). But someone has to do the job and only a very special woman can do it successfully. So, to all those full time moms, give yourself a pat. And to those kids (including Mike, hahaha), stop making fun of housewives. We are a very misunderstood lot. (and waiting for Lilian, The 5xmom to give them a personality make-over)
I have attached a nice verse from the Bible to the flowers photo I took. Hope you moms like it. It is said that God cannot be everywhere so He created moms.
I know I am babbling, making no sense but this is all about being a woman, mother and all the great things we moms do. Where do I stand? Nowhere, each woman has to find her own time and own pace to make the decision.