Domesticating me (moms must-read)

Lilian,
Just curious, if say can turn back time, would you do it again? be a SAHM? Would you have done it sooner, later? – Signed, MrS B

MrS B asked me this in my earlier blog ‘Identity crisis of a housewife‘ And I had taken days pondering over this.

Frankly, I don’t know. Believe me, it is one of the toughest decision I had to make. Even tougher than whether I want to be married or convert to Catholicism. Even tougher than whether I should start a family/get pregnant or buy that bigger house or newer car.

This is not something I can just jump and decides later whether will live or die. I thought real hard about it, screwed enough people (ex-colleagues) to make sure that I have little choice left and then, take the dignified way out. And with lots of tears too.

You see, I was a blardy super-efficient employee that no one can live without. (my boss can only endure 1 mth without me so I took only 30 days maternity leave each time) *muahahaha* I was over-paid and under-worked. My salary was higher than my colleagues of the same age as me who are U-grads (I am only SPM holder). I had employees share option schemes, a huge, posh, cool office of my own, 4-6 months bonuses and all the perks. Colleagues either love me or wish to kill me. That kinda person, I was.

And to throw all that away and be at home, full-time to 3 kids? Driving them 40 mins one-way, twice and even 4 times a day to and from school? On top of that, I had to be tied down to taking care of a toddler, a house which is 2.5 storey with front and back garden? No one to praise me, no one I can bitch with, no adult to talk to, no female friends and absolutely no male friends except the butcher, fishmongers and gas delivery man. *eewwwwss* And no internet at that time.

But I had to because my mom died suddenly and my kids were left in daycare centre. My eldest son was asthmatic and all the stress of travelling to and from school in a bas sekolah (school bus) worsened it. And hence, I had no choice. The Big Boss (God, I mean) up there was kind and started a conspiracy to help me through it. My company went through some bad times, no bonus, no increment and the last straw was when they asked the employees to note down every phone calls they made, duration, purpose etc. And to top it off, we were reprimanded for every seconds we were late for work/back from lunch and yet, not taking into consideration the extra hours we put in.

So, I put a curse friendly reminder to the big boss that with that kind of management, the company is going to lose their employees loyalty. Five years after I left, the whole Penang HQ was closed down, employees had to move to Tikam Batu, Kedah and all my ex-colleagues are no longer working there. Am I good or wut?

Back to the questions above:
1) If I can turn back the clock, will I stop working from baby #1 – Definitely NO!!!! Because I need to find out who I am, what wonderful individual I am and appreciate myself before I can impart any wise parenting guidance to my kids. I wasn’t ready to give it all up when I was 25 yrs old (first kid). I was still trying to get a feel-good of myself then.
2) Would I have done it sooner or later? I would have done it much, much later if my ever trusted mom was around because my two kids were in her good hands. Anyway, if I am still working, I wouldn’t be mad enough to have 5 kids. I would have stopped at 3.

If people think that it is easy for a woman to just turn away from a job, no matter how simple it is, and be a full time mother, think again. It involves our pride, sanity, identity and almost all our individuality. It takes a lot of tears and frustrations too. It is NOT easy to be a full time mom aka housewife aka homemaker aka SAHM. A vocation is one hellish vacation (Mr. B!). But someone has to do the job and only a very special woman can do it successfully. So, to all those full time moms, give yourself a pat. And to those kids (including Mike, hahaha), stop making fun of housewives. We are a very misunderstood lot. (and waiting for Lilian, The 5xmom to give them a personality make-over)

I have attached a nice verse from the Bible to the flowers photo I took. Hope you moms like it. It is said that God cannot be everywhere so He created moms.

I know I am babbling, making no sense but this is all about being a woman, mother and all the great things we moms do. Where do I stand? Nowhere, each woman has to find her own time and own pace to make the decision.

22 Replies to “Domesticating me (moms must-read)”

  1. You’re a brave Mommy. My mom is a full time housewife. She didn’t have to work since she became Mrs. C. I’m very grateful that my mom was with me since i was born. Sometimes I wonder if I will be like her too… But I guess it’s still early to make a decision! 🙂

    Bravo, Lilian!!

  2. See,SAHM or Mum is the best occupation in the world and every one’s heart!No doubt!God had given you signal to make a decision at that time,by putting a very difficult time for the company.It was a sign from God and Auntie has made the right choice,at the right time.God bless.

  3. When I’m single i can’t understood y my mom wanna be a SAHM..wat I saw was everyday fight with a group of naugthy & kek hi childred ..and been maid to husband & child…And been frog in well whole long life liao…no more friends & freedom…

    BUT….now I’m wish to jump into well liao…hahaa…

  4. Thanks for the Bible verse. It’s very encouraging especially at times when all I have is the four walls and no one to gossip with in the day time (like those office days!)

  5. well i think the most important thing is to have no regrets of what you’ve done and be happy.. housewife of career women.. you can only choose 1 :PppP

    and you cant blame ppl la.. who call you to be so kuat and become 5x mom.. bo bian la

  6. Thanks Lilian, appreciate your taking the time to give your views. Agree with you. I guess every mom will have to make that decision for themselves.
    Children are like arrows, you (hope to) raise them to the right direction and then you have to release them so that they may hit(reach)the target.
    It could be a thankless job, but surely a selfless one. Alas, most are still selfish. Hmmm.. am rambling.

  7. Lilian!! I totally agree with you. Maybe in the future I’ll quit my job in the rat race and be a SAHM. But for now, I need the sense of financial security. Unless I win a million dollars, then can sit at home, koyang kaki 😀

  8. O ya, forgot to say, really honoured that you gave my question more than your two cents worth of thoughts. Put it this way, I sort of envy, that you have made a decision, the right decision. it’s how God intended it to be huh?
    Well, one positive thing is that should and when I take the plunge, at least it would be more interesting with you and the rest of the aunty gang around!

  9. Just like any “job”, you must love what you are doing and its best that you have the full support of your spouse to do it well. I think being a sahm is a family decision not just the decision of the mother.

  10. I was talking to my sister the other day about not working and becoming a full time mummy. We talked about it coz we can’t imagine how working mummies are forced to leave their kids with babysitters and imagine not being there to watch their kid take his first step and all. My mom is taking care of 2 babies now and when I think of it, I really wanna be there to really take care of my babies if I have one next time lah *coughs* but at the same time of course I would wanna work to help the family financially. I don’t think I’ll ever put my children into other people’s care cept my own mother or mother in law *if got lah next time* and I guess at one point, I might stop working in the end (like if my husband is stable financially and can support the family single handedly)

  11. salutations to moms everywhere who leave their careers to stay at home and care for their kids! leaves more admiration than having a career obsessed top dollar earning mom who isn’t at home half the time.

  12. I think it is a personal choice whether to work or be a SAHM. My sister has a PhD in Chemistry and she has never worked before in her life. She got married right after she got her cert, got pregnant, stayed at home, gave birth and looked after her kid. My mum was a secretary like you, Auntie Lilian, but she gave up her job when my sister was born.
    When I asked them why they choose to leave their jobs to look after their children…they just say…its personal choice. They think that family is more important than career and that they know they can’t juggle between the 2.
    Honestly, I think women who work and are able to juggle between their career and their family are the greatest of all. But not many can do that.
    Can I do that? I can’t say for sure. But one thing though…even if I am a SAHM, I would definitely employ a domestic helper(assuming we can afford one in the future) because I don’t do toilets 😛
    Each woman needs to make her choice and each of them needs the support of her husband to 🙂

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