This is the follow-up of my last blog Mom who shouldn’t exist in the first place – Part I. Note that I use singular, meaning I am talking about myself, ok?
Anyway, the last blog drew a lot of comments from several people I haven’t heard from before. I am so relieved that they agree with the self-blames I expressed. (never mind that I am also sniggering a bit ‘cos psssttt….the majority of mothers/parents out there are still doing what I did previously).
Well, the turning point in my life was Vincent. After his birth, I had to travel between hospital and home every day. At times, both my husband and I will be called away for some late nights SOS matters in the hospital which dragged till morning. So, that means the kids will be left at home, alone and not able to attend school. In fact, my #3 who was still in pre-school then missed almost a year of kindy because I did not have time to take him to kindy. After Vincent’s death, I got to know many bereaved parents and through interacting with them, I realised how precious the time we spent with our kids are. I want all the time to be happy time with pleasant memories and things they can look back and rejoice.
Maybe I did go a little overboard by being too lenient. But then, I have full trust and respect in their school teachers (reason being my dad was a teacher). I let them depend solely on their school lessons. Whether they complete their homework or not, I do not care because they will be the ones answering to the teachers the next day. No tuition for them too. I blogged this in October 2004. And when they came out last in class, I merely have to withstand the teacher’s rantings for a few short minutes. (anyway, my eldest got full As for his UPSR and my #2 also)
I am not one of those parents who scratch and scrimp, denying them of a great childhood with the hope of providing them enough money to go for further education overseas, etc. For e.g., no, you cannot have that toy/gadget/holiday etc because we are saving for your future kinda reasons? At their age now, we have drummed into them that their future relies solely in their own hands. Que sera sera. I do not have ambitious thoughts of becoming a doctor’s mom or a lawyer’s mom.
Hey, I am a very superstitious person and touch wood, I do look forward to be grandma to my kids’ kids. And I want multi-racial daugthers-in-law, remember that. But sometimes, it remains a fact that ‘ If tomorrow never come’ and therefore, I treasure the NOW than the future. This song has a special meaning to me and you can find out from Eva’s site, why.
This is how my kids do their homework. Just about anywhere. Would I deny my kids of their rights to just be a kid? Do I want them to be shepherd to tuition centres, music lessons, tennis etc etc just so that they can do something that I can be proud of? Nope, they can be anything as long as they are happy. And doesn’t these photos shows what happiness and contentment is?
The Bible has this to say,
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Meaning of embitter : Cause to be bitter or resentful.
That is great wisdom, isn’t it? Parenting is a two-way process and not one way traffic of pushing the kids.
Some related issues in my earlier blogs:
Killing our future with over-nutrition and driving them nuts
Are we getting dumb, dumber and dumbest?