Mom with halo vs with horns (Pt 2/2)

This is the follow-up of my last blog Mom who shouldn’t exist in the first place – Part I. Note that I use singular, meaning I am talking about myself, ok?

Anyway, the last blog drew a lot of comments from several people I haven’t heard from before. I am so relieved that they agree with the self-blames I expressed. (never mind that I am also sniggering a bit ‘cos psssttt….the majority of mothers/parents out there are still doing what I did previously).

Well, the turning point in my life was Vincent. After his birth, I had to travel between hospital and home every day. At times, both my husband and I will be called away for some late nights SOS matters in the hospital which dragged till morning. So, that means the kids will be left at home, alone and not able to attend school. In fact, my #3 who was still in pre-school then missed almost a year of kindy because I did not have time to take him to kindy. After Vincent’s death, I got to know many bereaved parents and through interacting with them, I realised how precious the time we spent with our kids are. I want all the time to be happy time with pleasant memories and things they can look back and rejoice.

Maybe I did go a little overboard by being too lenient. But then, I have full trust and respect in their school teachers (reason being my dad was a teacher). I let them depend solely on their school lessons. Whether they complete their homework or not, I do not care because they will be the ones answering to the teachers the next day. No tuition for them too. I blogged this in October 2004. And when they came out last in class, I merely have to withstand the teacher’s rantings for a few short minutes. (anyway, my eldest got full As for his UPSR and my #2 also)

I am not one of those parents who scratch and scrimp, denying them of a great childhood with the hope of providing them enough money to go for further education overseas, etc. For e.g., no, you cannot have that toy/gadget/holiday etc because we are saving for your future kinda reasons? At their age now, we have drummed into them that their future relies solely in their own hands. Que sera sera. I do not have ambitious thoughts of becoming a doctor’s mom or a lawyer’s mom.

Hey, I am a very superstitious person and touch wood, I do look forward to be grandma to my kids’ kids. And I want multi-racial daugthers-in-law, remember that. But sometimes, it remains a fact that ‘ If tomorrow never come’ and therefore, I treasure the NOW than the future. This song has a special meaning to me and you can find out from Eva’s site, why.


This is how my kids do their homework. Just about anywhere. Would I deny my kids of their rights to just be a kid? Do I want them to be shepherd to tuition centres, music lessons, tennis etc etc just so that they can do something that I can be proud of? Nope, they can be anything as long as they are happy. And doesn’t these photos shows what happiness and contentment is?

The Bible has this to say,

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
(Colossians 3:20-21)

Meaning of embitter : Cause to be bitter or resentful.

That is great wisdom, isn’t it? Parenting is a two-way process and not one way traffic of pushing the kids.

Some related issues in my earlier blogs:
Killing our future with over-nutrition and driving them nuts
Colourful childhood
Are we getting dumb, dumber and dumbest?

24 thoughts on “Mom with halo vs with horns (Pt 2/2)

  1. Wah,the picture says more than a 1000 words.What is #5 playing ah?If my sis sits on top of me like that,I gonna bounce her away just like a basketball.grins…

  2. never believed in tuition for myself back then but had wondered if theory still applicable today. very happy/relieved to hear that it still does. of course may have to live with sub std results but have learnt some good lessons from you again. thanks for sharing, Lilian.

  3. good one lilian. my siblings and i did ok without tuitions and extra classes. it frightens me to hear what some kids now have to go thru. let them enjoy being a child.

  4. I went for tuition classes throughout my schooling life but managed to cut down on them in form 4 and 5. After that, I got fed up of tuition classes. No more!

    I came from a government school. Not all teachers are dedicated. I experienced this myself since the teacher taught me in school and I took tuition from that teacher- that teacher taught better in tuition than in class. I was pretty frustrated.

    Money… important factor huh?

    The only place for me to do h/w was in the study room. No where else.. or else mommy would nag like there’s no tomorrow!

  5. Perhaps you can try the ‘ladder system’ where the No 1 kid teaches the No 2 kid, and (when the time is right) the No 2 kid teaches the No 3 kid and so on. Still works with large families.

  6. tuition for study, tuition (workshop) for parenting, htne next tuition for daily living skill, then tuition for relationship, then tuition for how to attend tuition, then human lost the capability to live without tuition.
    then I’ll come out with a tuition call “how to survive without tuition”.

  7. Auntie Lilian,
    The words from the Bible are so apt šŸ™‚
    Your #5 is so so so so cute!!! I used to do my homework like that too…lying on my tummy and watching tv at the same time..hehe..the joy of childhood šŸ™‚ Now adult lor…so frustrating (read my post on my blog?)

  8. omg.. that young thing also got kkc! blue colour summore :pPp most of my math homework in college n sec school were done in front of a tv/ or with earphones hooked.. yet i did considerably well.. call it born intelligence or what? *damn kembang* ahahah

  9. Ehh..that’s how i did my homework too at home!Lying on the floor with lots of books…& accidentally fell asleep.My mum always scolded me for blocking the “traffic”.=P
    But now…no more doing homework on the floor cos staying in hostel.:(
    p/s:been reading ur blog for more than a month liao but not yet commented on it.So,it’s my fIrsT comment.=)

  10. Hhmm…looking back now…dont really know why i went for tuitions??? Maybe because it is the trend….feel so stupid and i really have no life back then!!!

  11. MunKit:”…. yet i did considerably well..”
    Who got TER of 99.8 in SAM & 10As in SPM?
    Dun pura-pura be humble lah but kembang sepuas-puasnya.

  12. o0o0o wahhh munkit so smart wan ar ;pp

    damn i have tuition everyday except Saturdays.. my monthly expenses on classes alone like about RM1000.. sheeeesh if only that’s my allowance. deng ;p

    honestly tuitions are causing me alot of stress.. damn homeworks and all.. all unfinished and i’m worrying like shiets everyday.. oh well.. can’t wait to finish stewpid Spm !@#!@$!@% eh your son taking PMR this year hor.. wahha i still remember what u said to me okayyy *Winkwink* šŸ˜›

  13. si tEo don simply spy on me okay.. :pP my spm 2a only.. my sam ter is 66.3.. you got the wrong munkit šŸ™

  14. ET – yeah, I love it too. Now my toddler got a craze of being photograph. He would asked me to take photos all the time.
    Eleh Munkit? How can….wrong MunKit liao lor tEo oi. Correct or not Munkit?
    Penny dear – you do sound stressed out. NVM, SPM over can fly liao.
    Meigie – Go tuition can khau leng chai mah, especially if you go to an all girls school.

    Aiyoh…Mr B, don’t even say about Add Maths. I got 0 from day one in Form 4 till SPM. But who cares…it did not even appear on my certificate. Saves me time from trying to understand what dy/dx is.

    Mrs B/MG/Fishtail/Twinsmom – Very hard not to get into the trend when the crowd around us are so much into doing it.

    Cherry/Eileen/Sue – I guess you are all smart liao, so naturally do not require much hard work of tuition.

  15. Lilian,

    Not smart lah… If I were to go for tuition for all 10 subjects I would probably be 6 feet underground(choi!) due to stress already!

  16. Impossible wrong one lah.Who dunno Wong Mun Kit?Most ppl in BP know him leh!!!!
    See,Mun Kit.U r so…famous lah!!!=PpPpP

  17. never thot myself as smart lilian, but able to get by. some kids do need more attention because of different way of processing information. that left brain, right brain thingy lah. can’t remember our education system favors which brain side.

  18. Hi auntie lilian, I go tuition ogle leng jai, and let leng jai kau šŸ˜› *tee hee* So maybe you can consider sending your PMR son to tuition? šŸ˜› Then he can ogle leng lui at the same time let leng lui kau :p

  19. Hey.. Lilian,
    I admire your unconventional way of bringing up your kids.. šŸ˜‰ and thank you .. because you reminded me.. not to turn into those “kaisu” moms.. šŸ˜‰

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