Yesterday, I had the luck of getting involved and forced to step my foot in to defend my fellow bloggers. One blogger is referred as childish, another for her broken English. When I said “forced”, I am not referring to any person forcing me but my own principles.
In my old blogspot, I had made a very concise profile of myself. Those words just came naturally to me when I initially started a blog. You know how excited one is when one just opened a blogging account. All ready to face the world. Now when I looked back, I had written a very good description of my own personalities. The key word here is “Not everyone dare to show the bad side (but I did).” Here is my old blog’s profile:
A proud Penang mom with a lot of time to spare and thoughts to share. Weak and strong, kind and cruel, happy and sad, loving and uncaring, compassionate and couldn’t care less at the same time too. All these are true qualities everyone possess but not everyone dare to show the bad side.
Personally, as much as I can recollect, I had been flamed for :
1) Insensitive to tsunami victims
2) Promote and encourage women to be weak and submissive
3) Un-Christian like squabbling
I had also flamed one other blogger (only one, ok?) because:
I feel that she is creating unecessary tension amongst Muslims/Malays and Christians by constantly using god as her main blogging topic. To me, if one wants to bring religions and races into writting, let it be pleasant things. Things that can bridge the gaps and not things that create tensions. I feel bad when she allowed her commentors to hit out at others, without mercy, without a real identity.
I feel that she is involved in a community which I sense are encouraging substances abuse.
The reason I flamed is because:
1) I DO follow the blog of the person and had observed the going ons in her comments board. Fellow bloggers who refuted her points are fellow bloggers I respect, in this case, it was Izuan and Mack. I rely on my Lord’s word that we are all brothers and sisters, irrespective of our races or religions.
The consequence? – Someone I care deeply and truly, said I am hurting Jesus because I squabbled with my own Catholics in the open. Someone refused to listen to my explanations that I am trying to bridge the gap she is causing. He even blogged the email he sent to me in private for all to see. And I was un-blinked.
2) Until today, I still stand by my decision that the 2nd time I flamed is for the good of young people whose judgements may be influenced in the wrong direction. It is my maternal instint that jumpstart this.
The consequences? I had been labelled a TPN. I do not know the meaning until I asked fellow TPNs what the heck is a TPN. They told me it is terrible people on the net. Great! I earned an accolade. And also being accused by ‘the same someone’ for mixing with TPNs, speaking their same foul languages and being un-Christian like. My argument is that my Lord had said to us to speak with a touch of wit, in a language that others understand and not to remain holier-than-thou, lest I drive away people instead of making friends.
As for being flamed, I do not bother much about it because these are from strangers, people whom had not been through my tears and my laughters. So, they have no rights to hurt me. But I am lucky I have a huge group of supporters who came by to create some flame wars. Don’t get me wrong, I love flamings. It makes life interesting and it allows us to see the views from both sides.
To the two bloggers I just flamed yesterday, know that I did it because:
1) Jason and Twinsmom may not be perfect but they are, in my eyes. I stand staunchly behind people I believe in. If you care about someone, you overlook their weaknesses and focus on their good points.
2) Both of you had not given yourself time to understand them. One needs to know a person by reading through some of their previous blogs. The thoughts expressed in our blogs fluctuate like our emotions. One cannot just read ONE of their blog and jumped in and tell the person off.
3) No doubt people are free to comment, remember that the person keeping the blog has feelings. Your simple one or two sentences may hurt them to the very core. Ask yourself first, is what you are going to say is helping or hurting the person? What does the person gain? What do you gain?
4) Commenting is a risky thing because your words stay on others’ blog. Others may dissect your few sentences and damage you instead. Calculate the risks before opening your mouth.
5) Only say something unpleasant if you have the maturity to accept the punch back.
My personal art of flaming:
1) I reveal my real identity
2) I do not give the blogger and his/her commentors the chance to taunt me. Say what they like, I stand by what I had commented and will never return to counter-explain
3) I do not bear grudges
4) I do not instigate nor retaliate.
5) I became much smarter after each episodes
7) I learn from both parties – those against me and also those supporting me
8) I give long and hard thoughts before opening my mouth
9) I am ready to eat humble pie, apologising even when I do not like doing it – if it helps clear the situation
10) I keep in mind that bloggers are human. I do not hate or hurt humans (nor animals nor plants)
11) I flame because I care
12) I try to maintain a clear conscience
I live by these words:
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord,
my strength, and my redeemer.
Some related reads (comments are still there):
On tsunami here and here.
On women being weak.
On being judgemental.
17 thoughts on “Flaming Art”
I don have such holy purposes when deciding to flame ppl or when defending myself/friends..
i do them just for the sake of fun.
i seriously need to get a life :PPpP
Yeah, Mun Kit, you need to get a life. Hahaa!
5xmom, as Earthtone said, you are one kick ass mom.
*claps claps claps*
I know where ur coming from, there are a lot of blogs i have read n decided not to comment.No chance in getting caught up in n e ones else’s tiffs.Although only because i learnt a lesson in regard to that yrs ago.But like you ,where friends n ones i care about ,i stand my ground and say what what i think.
I know what ur talking about in this topic , and hey i agree with ya.
If I got famous becoz of the flame war,I am so sad about that. 🙁 Sighz…
LOLOLOL jason who said u famous? :XX
auntie ganas ler.. at least a flamer with ballssss ;X
🙂 Lilian, heee… Enjoyed reading this post. It’s so silly for people to judge just by reading one post and make a conclusion on that blogger. Just like the blinds touch an elephant.
PennyPupz – Si ma lao,did I say I was famous?I said IF I got famous mah.Hahhaa! Blueeeehhhh 😛 Same like your statement, auntie sure is ganas,but where does her balls come from leh? (if u are refering to our balls.) hahahhahaha
Well, I realized that many flamers tend to nitpick on some issues that is totally unrelevant of the topics that we’re discussing.
ehh sorry read wrong liao ;X
Lilian, you could publish a book on flaming liau. “The art of flaming by Lilian Chan”
Lilian your influence over the blogging industry is getting bigger, more and more blogger is supporting your words. Including me.
*sob sob sob* so kam-tong…from you support on my breastfeed, till now stand by my side on my broken manglish *SOB SOB SOB*…
to jason, I don’t mind get famous bocos of flame war leh. 😛
What it is good for?
-Frankie goes to Hollywood-
the word war always reminded me of that song.
For all its worth,
this lil rat supports you
as a friend!
regardless of race,creed or faith.
Sham! – Been missing your blog. Tks, bro.
Twinsmom – enuff, your eyes enuff small liao
MrKiasu – Tks from the bottom of my heart.
KS – Yalor, if I blab more often, I can compile a book liao. But my burnt backside, nothing can sooth wor.
Jase – Yalor, usually it went out of hand, like a wild fire.
fish fish – yes, I still remember the story I read in primary school.
Sweetspirit – Thanks for understanding. This matter has hurt me for a long while and I finally get it off my chest (went for confession last nite).
Penny & Jason – You can find the answer on our forum where the balls come from. Green and thorny.
Munkit – As long as we are not out to bulldoze but trying putting our points through, I think it is healthy to have a debate.
I stopped worrying about people’s flame and negative perception long time ago. I don’t think its worth the brain matter. People say I am bad, I just let it be lar. I cannot please everyone. I can only please myself.
I just take every bad comment as someone’s opinion. If the comment has “isi” then I will consider to improve myself. Sometimes people just want to pick a fight without knowing what they really want.
Cheer up Lilian..
eh 5xmom, gua caya sama lu
lil, i always belakang you 1! Go! Go! Go! Keep your spirits up gal!
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