Ah Beng dan Ah Lian sekalian, mari, mari…

Do I even dare to lable people as Ah Bengs and Ah Lians? I made a mistake once, I apologised profusely and until today, I do not know if the guy is still mad at me. You have to read the blunder I made at my old blog.

To him and his friends, especially MMG, sorry again from the bottom of my heart. Surfnux, tell your friend hor?

How do I define Ah Bengs and Ah Lians (ABAL)?
I practice very bad double-standard. As I came from non-Chinese school, meaning Malay schools and have the impression, I am an angmoh (English) educated person, I call every person who speaks Mandarin Ah Bengs and Ah Lians. (Go on, throw your rotten tomatoes to me. Last I heard tomato is good for the skin.)

Traits of ABAL
– Extremely sentimental and mediocre
– Very sensitive to the environment and changes like the chameleon, fashion wise
– Place high priority to outer appearances (meen sui/air muka)
– Digs branded goods to satisfy above charecteristics
– Moves in flocks
– Mimic movie stars especially the Taiwanese

*ouch, doink, tomatoes on face* I dare not quote further.

Here is a perfect example of ABAL

– The Bengs spend time thinking how to get ‘kor thiew lui’ and ‘ta kei’
(getting that female and play video games). Like this Beng-to-be (hey, that’s my son ok?) ogling SYT from age two with a humsup face.
beng

– The Lians spend time strutting around like a rag lady, making the Bengs swoon. And they mostly NEVER dressed correctly for the occasion but definitely over-dressed. Like this little Lian-to-be who wears some flying long pants and heelies at the park.

lian

And that’s all in the life of ABAL.

*fuyoh, the tomatoes are choking me, arrgggh, sputter, sputter*

So, the main question – are ABAL born with the genetic make-up of the normal XY plus ABAL in their chromosomes? Or they turned into ABAL due to the environment, like watching too many Jay Busuk (chou in Hokkien)? I don’t know. You tell me. How do you define Ah Beng and Ah Lian?

(Flame-retardant and fire hydrant on standby.)

27 Replies to “Ah Beng dan Ah Lian sekalian, mari, mari…”

  1. NOT LIKE THAT ONE LAA!!!!!!!! LIKE THIS 60% OF THE CHINESE POPULATION IS AHBENG LIOW LA.. AND NOW I SPIAK ENGRED LIKE TIS ALSO I BECOME AH BENG LIOW LA..

    traits of an ah beng..
    1. smokes.
    2. hair dyed blonde
    3. earrings
    4. trumpet jeans
    5. long fingernails
    6. buttoned shirt.. and vibrant in color (red)
    7. cannot speak english.
    8. scold cibai as cibai, not cheeebyeee (no slang)

  2. Traits of Ah Beng

    -Dyed hair without specific purpose/for show/follow fashion
    -Not leng zhai,but wanna try ot be leng zhai
    -Foul language always in the mouth
    -Try to smoke cool,but cant smoke cool
    -Wear jeans wear lower than the butt hole
    -Don’t know how to dress appropriately
    -Trying to act cool,but look stupid
    -IQ below 50
    -Talk loudly to the phone as if got Rm100k bizness going on…

    Ah Lian
    -No shan choi but wanna show layer of lards
    -Dress funky funky,but dunno for what
    -Follow trend/fashion blindly
    -Talk like a bitch,high pitch and shout for nothing
    -Smokes
    -Wear all those weird weird make up
    -Stupid

    Hmm..dunno what liao.

  3. And then hor, if anyone of you want to sue, you go sue the two person on top, not me. I never write anything like that, ok? I not guilty, ok? I very innocent wan.

  4. Papi telling Mami : “Mami ah, 5xMom said we are ABAL wor, we speaks Mandarin mah”
    Mami : “But we also speak Cantonese, English, Malay, Hokkien, Hainan, Hakka, and Tamil, sometime a bit of Italian (Fang Koo Loo!)leh”
    Papi : “Like that we are multilingual ABAL lor.”

  5. Goodness.

    Imagine all the ah bengs try to speak english.

    Ah Beng : Lian Lian, ekcherly.. i lafu yew.

    Ah Lian : Beng Beng… i lafu yew. but… u got no
    money.

    Ah Beng : Lian Lian, I plomis to lafu yew wif all mai hart.

    Ah Lian : No Money No Talk !

    Ah Beng : …

  6. Aiyor, sei chor. My larling alwiz tok like dat u noe? So that means I got AB to complement this Ah Lian la? (Hey, my name is Ah Lian from birth till now, ok?)

    OJ – Wei, since your web space so huge, go open an audio class for speaking dialects 4-letter words la. I did not know CB can be slang-ked wan.

  7. oi JxT2J “lafu yew” is copyrighted by me ledi la!! u knot use unless got written consent by me you know !!!!! buden nvm lar … everytime u use u pay me 20 sen lar i kasi u hengdai plice .. wokeh anot ? 😛

    ABAL dont say money one lar they says Marney or mani!

  8. Oi, larling ah, I oso charge you dua kupang for every comment you leave hor? ‘Cos I need mani to store the comments wor. And you comment double everytime.

    Twinsmom – Aiyoh, somemore got Ah Hui. Draw cartoon and show me what Ah Hui looks like? That photos hor, I risking my head to take you know. The kids grandma and grandpa thought, “cant auntie pai chow, siao, siao (see auntie take foto, smile)’. But this cilaka auntie end up with satirical and devilish thoughts pulak. Charn hai mo yong ah, Ah Lian oi.

  9. Ah Hui? Must be the S’pore accent of Ah Hua (ah flower).
    Eh, if speak mandarin/chinese educated is one of the trait of Ah Beng, then that makes Dr. Barney Liew Sin Chan one too? *kihkihkihkih – quickly run away*

  10. BARNEY LIEW IS AN AH BENG *satisfied*
    shhhhh
    Ah Hua, Ah Kee, Ah Heok, Ah Tu, Ah Gu, Ah Kow all same boat.

    MG – wah…if you see the photo in better resolution, walau eh, really hamsap. Must crop it one day and show.

  11. I label ah bengs very easy wan. blonde Dyed meidum length hair [cemented to preserve hedgehog look], tight fitting pants, bright coloured shirts with big collars and unbutton at the chest. put on some bracelets and an earring for the complete look. Strut.

    Ah lians, even easier. Dyed hair of all colours in the rainbow, bright flashy tops, bright flashy accesories, platform shoes, makeup as white as PAR paints, and those low-cut tight fit bell bottom pants. Throw in some fucked up english to complete the look. Strut.

  12. Silencers – Great! Now, I have a clearer picture of real Ah Bengs and Ah Lians. Otherwise, I go around and lable wrongly kena sue.

    Elphi – Yeah, I was ROTFL when I downloaded the photo. I took 220 photos yesterday noon. Obessessed.

  13. fish fish – No….not just on ABAL. Mostly macro shots of the flowers, leaves, tree barks. Then, the clouds. My handsome kids.

    Wingz – you are very smart, that’s why I did not ban you.

  14. Hi, first time commenting here. I had a defination of AHAL from my own point of view recently… Check out the entry of my blog at Sunday, February 20, 2005. I dont have the perma link function in my blog T.T

  15. Y-an – You have written such a comprehensive explanation about ABAL. Hahaha, I guessed they step on your toes? My entry is mild ‘cos none crossed my path, yet.

    Moo-t – Sure, will look into that.

  16. let me continue the 1st and 2nd comments.

    – got enough amplifiers in their one car to power speakers for six cars.
    – excessive use of the phrase “Kan Ni Na Bu Ciao Chee Bai”.
    – a fan of one of the following groups: Vengaboys, Dr Bombay, Aqua etc…
    – Their Proton car does not look like a Proton car due to modifications, or has a Mitsubitchy logo

  17. my definitions of ah lians…..platform shoes!! they love to wear polka dots clothes …love very bare-back with printied cartoons and show of they stomach…..the way they take pics —-> open their eyes as BIG as possible, make their lips as THIN as possible n will always have hand signal on the face there~~wanna follow the japanese animation kononyerr!like to show of their breast…(like to chest up) juz observe la….

    ah beng—-> hairstyle…no need to comment on tat..u guyz already know…,love sling bags!!! expecially the body glove brand(eww..so girly)love pink! (juz started this trend) lastly…they simply can’t stand rock songs! more on slow songs…

    kesimpulanya….ah lians n ah bengs are meant to be together right?

  18. my definitions of ah lians…..platform shoes!! they love to wear polka dots clothes …love very bare-back with printied cartoons and show of they stomach…..the way they take pics —-> open their eyes as BIG as possible, make their lips as THIN as possible n will always have hand signal on the face there~~wanna follow the japanese animation kononyerr!like to show of their breast…(like to chest up) juz observe la….

    ah beng—-> hairstyle…no need to comment on tat..u guyz already know…,love sling bags!!! expecially the body glove brand(eww..so girly)love pink! (juz started this trend) lastly…they simply can’t stand rock songs! more on slow songs…called the none ah bengs as ah bengs (is true!!)

    kesimpulanya….ah lians n ah bengs are meant to be together right?

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