I don’t need daddy or do I?

I learnt….

….it is not good to grow up without a father. (mine was dead when I was 7 yrs old)

….it is not good to grow up with a perfect father, the perfect father that I had built with my 7 yrs old child mind.

…it is not good to go through life, hero idolising.

…it is innocent to have a father figure when I was young – teacher.

…it is alright to have a father figure when I am grown-up – some perfect man that no boyfriend can measure up. Just a few jilted guys, no big deal.

…it is smart political move to have a father figure at work – big boss/back hill = promotions and big gaji (big salary).


…NO ONE CAN MEASURE UP TO THE PERFECT PICTURE and hence, I will stop expecting.

AND FROM TODAY ONWARDS, there is only one Man for me. GOD. The others? They are mere mortals, earthly people who are of the same level as me. They have their imperfections, their weaknesses and they fucked up sometimes. So, what? I can live with that.

If you want to do something, go be nicer to your own earthly father, while you still have one. Go tell or show him you love him. Go and forgive all those lousy things he has done to you. Remember, if you can’t forgive him, you may grow up/get older with a screwed up outlook.

It took me 33 years (40-7 yrs) to realise this. Why I seem to have more male confidantes than females? Because I was looking for that father figure. Yeah, go tiuus yourself (all my male confidantes, dead or alive, old or young, physical or online, potent or impotent LOL), I was looking for a father! oooooOOOOOOOOOO Have I just made you feel old? Sorry, but I love you guys anyway.

*ahem* This is my own thoughts, my ‘homework’. There will be more to come, ramblings that may touch a cord in you but nyek, nyek, nyek, I am asking for no one’s comment.