From today till Saturday, I will be doing my daily reflections which is sorta like my homework from the seminar I attended.
What better way than to put my thoughts in writing and if you like, do share your thoughts. If what I said is too chim, never mind, I will continue my usual blogging, as and when the ideas strike.
Day 1 –
The Lord God says this, “I shall pour clean water over you and you will be cleansed. I shall give you a new heart, and put a new spirit in you; I shall remove the heart of stone from your bodies and give you a heart of flesh instead. I shall put my spirit in you. You shall be my people and I will be your God.” (Ezek 36:22-28)
I realised that in my heart, I no longer have the excrutiating pain I used to have for losing Vincent. Those hard times of taking care of him, dealing with his death and later on coping, just do not seem to hurt me anymore. That is why I seem to have lost my drive because when I had a broken heart, I used it to propel a lot of projects. I have a very strong drive to make things happened for others. Which, with God’s grace and blessings, had been successfully accomplished.
Hence, during the seminar, I was baffled because things that used to make me cry, cannot. At the seminar, yeah, we cried buckets. It was meant for that purpose, to unload and to come out refreshed.
So, I asked for God’s guidance on what am I to do now that I had served my purpose. Yeah, I am a very vain person, even as follower of Christ. I demanded God to give me something to do, BIG ONEs somemore, a purpose to serve. Being a mother is not sufficient responsibility for me. I am built for bigger things.
Some of my women friends told me that being a mother is the greatest responsibility and hard enough for a person to shoulder. But I am never satisfied being ‘mother’. I get restless and feel useless. I know that my sons aren’t going to grow up in a good-enough world if all the people around them are not adopting the same upbringing as them.
With teenage sons, I had to open my mind broader. They have friends from all sorts of background, different ideals and standard. What their friends accepted at normal, routine, trendy lifestyle could be forbidden by our religion. No pre-marital sex, for e.g?
Don’t get me wrong, I am the coolest mom around (or so I think). So, how the heck am I going to set down all these rules? I can’t do much but that doesn’t means I can’t do anything. I may not be able control my sons entirely but I can change the views of some parents, teenagers and people that I do not know. Through whatever means I can get a hand on.
So, I pray that with my desire to do, do, do whatever it best for others, God will give me a new heart, one that is not binded in pain but binded in love now. Mould my heart for this new role. Give me the wisdom to carry out the task. Help me when I stumble. Guide my hands when I am lost. Most of all, pour Your Holy Spirit in me, fill me with abundance love so that I may in return, love others. This, Lord, I pray with my earnest heart. Amen.
13 thoughts on “Words of Life – Day 1”
hoho auntie lilian.. through your blog you can post more of such religious entries urging ppl to reflect on their principles.. and i think you can spread the msg easily across the net 🙂
Yaloh, what Orang Jahat say it true. Your blog can inspire more people like us. 🙂
Yeah, Auntie Lilian also can spread religion through her blog summore.
Children are born to this world are like a white piece of paper, what they gonna grow up to become, depends on what you writes on that piece of paper during his growing up period.
I seen kids that grows up having his own personalities unseduced by the latest trend in this concrete jungle, and i seen kids who do not even have the slightest idea to what his personal prefrences is. Kids also have their own principles and willpower but this kinda traits gotta be cultured from young and not introduced to them at a later stage of their life.
I too have seen adults telling me that how bad their son turned out to become and how disobedient they are. Even tho i did not tell them straight to the face but i think they sucks as parent, they failed to lead their kids to the right path and now they only have themself to be blamed.
My 3 cents 🙂 feel free to flame me 😛
Sin choi, sin choi, Ah Wingz suksuk, why must I flame you wor? You agreed to every word I said mah. Parents sucks, so kids even sucks. And these kids then sucks into my kids world and so on. It is hard being a teenager now, you know? So much tempatations out there, so many pitfalls. I think my F3 son got gf oso liao. Eewwsss…I feel so old liao. So, if I can’t entirely control my own kids, even with my dragon claws, then at least I try to change externally. And guys, Ah Wingz suksuk is the guy to look up to if you guys have any problems. Don’t let his siao-siao external side fools you. Correct or not, suksuk?
Alphonso – yeee, I am not spreading religion la. I am tokking cow sense only. Religion is my personal business but commons sense from what I said – share it.
Jason and OJ – My precious khai cais. Yalor, porn and vice are taking the upper hand now mah, so I use ah soh toks as antidote lor.
Why is it that we can “stop” being productive for Christ? I know I have “stop”. I need to be propelled to “go” again. My ministry needs me (I know) but I just don’t know how to move faster, smoother.. Maybe I am just not letting God’s grace to take over. Maybe I need a seminar like yours. *sigh* God help me!
Hi Michelle, I think we get too comfortable and sort of being lagged. As for me, I got too confident, thinking that I can soar on my own already, going in a direction I thought is my destination. But God has greater things for me. Not sure where but I am sure I will glorify His name.
As for the seminar, well, it is run by the Catholic churches all over Malaysia but other denominations and even non-Christians are welcome. However, they have to have the conviction that Jesus exists, died and rise again. And the Holy Spirit is with us. Otherwise, they will freak out ‘cos it is very intense. Have you heard of prayers in tongues? (in the Bible?) Well, I can get knock out in less than a minute the moment the facilitators prayed over me!
result after the seminar? 😉
Twinsmom – Sai meh kong. Kang hai ler.
Jason – Right choice of word.
Thunder striked and all my settings are gone. -.-“
You mean all your porn stuffs? Good la, God is telling you to repent. Joking oni.
FATHER I DONT KNOW WHERE AM SENDING THIS MAIL TO
BUT I WANT YOU TO HELP ME. I HAVE TRIED TO RUN AWAY FROM THIS PORN THING BUT EVERY TIME AM TELLING MYSELF I CAN JUST DO IT NOW AND IN THE NEXT HOUR I WILL BE ON MY KNEES TELLING GOD TO FORGIVE ME. AND I EVEN HATE MOST NOW THAT EVEN THE IDEA OF SAYING I WILL SAY THIS KIND OF STAFF WAS ALSO IN ME. PLEASE FATHER HELP ME. I HAVE SEEN YOU IN SO MANY ASPECTS OF MY LIFE AND ALL THE TIME YOU HAVE BEEN DIRECTING ME TOWARDS PRAYING FOR THIS GIRL LILIAN. I HAVE ASKED FOR SIGNS IF REALLY SHE IS THE ONE THAT YOU WANT ME TO MARRY AND NOT ONE OF THEM HAS FAILED. HOWEVER THROUGH PREACHING YOU HAVE TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD STOP PORN AND ALL OTHER STAFF RELATED TO IT AND THEN YOU WILL GIVE ME THE PROMISE. LORD FOR FOUR MONTHS NOW I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING IT BUT THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY WHEN I MET HER I HAVE STARTED AGAIN. I KNOW THAT ITS PART OF MY LETTING GO OF HER CAUSE NOW SHE IS ENGAGED TO ANOTHER MAN. THOUGH YOU CONTINUALLY TELL ME IN MY HEART THAT SHE IS THE ONE BUT ALL THIS THING GETS ME WORRIED PLEASE HELP ME THAT I SHOULD SEE THE WAY FORWARD TO TO THIS THING. I HAVE HAD A DREAM ABOUT THIS ENGAGEMENT AN RECENTLY I JUST HAD ANOTHER DREAM OF HER MARRIAGE WITH THE OTHER GUY FAILING. AND IN IT THERE WAS SOME ONE TELLING ME THAT ” SEE, IT CAN FAIL” IF YOU CAN ONLY PRAY.
TO MAKE MATTERS MORE UNUNDERSTANDABLE THIS GIRL JUST GOT INTERVIEWED AT OUR WORK PLACE. AND WHO KNOWS SHE MIGHT BE PICKED. AND IF SHE IS PICKED WHAT WILL THE CONDITION BE IF SHE EVER SUCCEEDED IN GETTING MARRIED TO THIS OTHER GUY. LORD IF THIS IS THE WAY THAT YOU WANT TO ANSWER MY PRAYERS PLEASE HELP ME TO BE PATIENT AND ALSO HELP ME NOT TO BE ANGRY AND START DOING MY OLD STAFF CAUSE ITS TAKE THE CHANNELS THAT I DONT WANT. NEEDLESS FOR ME TO MENTION THE SIGN YOU JUST GAVE ME LAST MONTH AND OF COURSE ANOTHER ONE TODAY. LORD PLEASE ANSWER MY PRAYER
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