Story 1 – Capable wife vs. ok-ok hubby

I am going to touch on a few marriages of people I know. It is not meant to gossip but rather see if any of us can get any enlightment from their examples. I will only touch on what I see and hear and not on speculations. These are real stories of real people, not some Hollywood stuff or Dear Thelma-copycats. Only the names are changed.

Story One is about Ben and Jess. Ben and Jess are the hip and happening couple around town with 2 kids. Jess is a rich businesswoman with gleaming car and driver and jet-setting around the world. Whilst, Ben is handsome, babe-magnet but a very faithful and loving husband. I knew Ben for several years and not once during my acquaintance with him, has he shown any unfaithfulness to Jess. Ben is in marketing and hence had all the opportunity to fool around. But not once did he do that. Ben is in senior management but if compared to Jess, is several rung lower in terms of achievement.

Happily married like those ducks in the photo? Contended and always together. Then, one day, after I had lost touch with Ben for 2 years, I had the shock of my life. I found Ben in my neighbourhood (which is more on the ulu side of Penang) holding hands with a young girl with long, long hair. My heart dropped. My confidence in men shattered. I saw Ben with the girl a few more times.

Of course, I did not meddle into their business! I did not show my face to Ben nor tell Jess. You think I sei pat phor ah? (busy-body) Then, not long after Vincent died, Ben heard about it and send me a condolence email. Aha…..inspite of my grief, my sei pat phor mind was working also. It so happened that I got an email forward using the real name of Ben and the mail is from Daily Inspiration (some Christian based encouragement mail) about treasuring their loved ones and children. I forwarded it to Ben with the hope of sending him a message. I don’t know if it works or not but want to know what happened to Ben and Jess today?

Jess is now a SAHM, doing voluntary work helping handicapped children. They are still together. Happily married. Ben is a much happier man now compared to the times when he was two timing. (I heard about him being screwed up at one point through another friend.)

Moral of the story : A wife cannot have bigger balls than the husband. Some compromise has to be found in a marriage like that. Otherwise, the couple will go separate ways. Ben and Jess probably survived their marriage because they went through some hard times earlier before they married (details I cannot reveal). Another factor is they are both God-loving people.

13 thoughts on “Story 1 – Capable wife vs. ok-ok hubby

  1. Ohh oh.. i thot i came to the wrong site.. The Hustler Diaries change layout ah? then i read read read.. no sex details.. baru tau is 5xmom.

    so the moral of the story is, don date other girls when you’re married right?

  2. Orang muda sekalian – Moral of the story is : If you married a richer/smarter wife, don’t try to boost your ego outside. And for the young ladies, if you sacrifice your money/career/time/youth to help your man to climb the ladder, don’t expect him to kamtung and remain faithful because most probably he did not see the ‘debt’ he owe you.

    Mrs T : Uphill indeed but glad they are still together, bought a new home and starting anew.

  3. MG – Where got suspense? No suspense la, I am not thriller story writer leh. Got plenty of stories on these, sked ppl read until lost faith in getting married.

  4. I have a panjang-lebar comment to add to this one.

    I think professional/financial achievement is really a perception. Our society tends to be a little chauvinistic where these things are concerned. Maybe our parents and their parents have ingrained in us that Men should be the breadwinner in a family but this does not necessarily have to be the case.

    You might say that Ben and Jess’ case is because Jess earns more but I see it differently. Perhaps Ben had some inferiority complex. Perhaps Jess didn’t mind at all that hubby is “lesser” than her. Maybe Ben himself feels less of a man compared to Jess and thus found it necessary to seek the company of a SYT to reaffirm his manhood. That’s his own issue.

    Of course, on the other hand, it’s also possible that Jess did make him feel small about his… erm… balls. Some women, thanks to parental conditioning, feel that men should bring home a large slice of the bacon.

    So no, I cannot agree that a woman cannot have bigger balls than her hubby. The moral should be that society needs to change their mindset about breadwinners. I believe women today have earned their place in the corporate world. Similarly, I believe Men can be very effective Stay-At-Home parents.

  5. *nodding in agreement to James comments* Satu kali kena flamed 99 by some girls, sked liao. Yes, yes, yes, agree. Yayayaya. LOL!

    Yalor, if you married a Datuk (wife), people will jokingly call you Datin (husband). So, the pressure is great la.

  6. Coincidentally, my MIL (Mom-in-law) shared something relevant with me yesterday. She has 3 daughters and 1 son (whom I am married to). She told me FIL was very poor in the beginning. Burdened with so many mouths to feed, MIL asked FIL whether he would only finance his son’s education since he is the only male. FIL’s reply was:

    “No. If there’s isn’t enough money, I would only finance my daughters education simply because boys can earn a living anywhere, doing anything, as long as he is hardworking. Girls have a harder life. At least with education, she has a choice and can fend for herself if she marries a useless man.”

    Whoa. That was some revelation coming from a 70yo man. Something to think about, eh?

  7. Aiyoh .. so syiok the topic. My favourite.

    IMHO .. this phenomenon is not money related ka, perempuan related ka, bini tak betoi ka, bini tak pandai masak ka … all those are excuses only… excuses for making the wrong things right. Yang pentingnya .. HATI …If u allow it to happen, it will happen .. if u want it to happen , it will happen.

    Seen it happen so many times … sometimes happy-endings, sometimes not-so-happy, sometimes no-ending .. like stalemate like dat .. and still surviving.

    Sometimes the table turns and the other party comes crawling back .. tak kiralah .. laki ka, perempuan ka …

    Aiyoo Lil, in my community we see these things happening left, right and centre … So many versions and again ..we can only PRAY that it doesn’t happen to us and our loved ones … and if it does happen .. pray that they have the strength to pull thru’.

    And Lil, I so agree with your moral of the story .. it so spot on ..

  8. Ar that reminds me of when i broke my foot on the futon “made in Malaysia” hehe yeah i went about doing everything for 12 hrs then off to hospital with big fat black foot.Anyways i don’t buy mags just read my daughters .Yeah sometimes we might see a couple and think they have perfect relationship
    i have a friend who’s husband cheated on her,
    the other women had a child to him tsk tsk.But my friend stayed with him although i know it is still very hard for her because she see’s the other women n child at the stores.But she says to me ,who says if i met someone else he would be faithful.I guess it’s her life hey.

  9. my exboss proposed to me (13yrs ago) to be his 2nd wife – because listen to this – his wife is SRP grad, not educated enuf to diskusi intellectually. why marry her at the 1st place, because he thought he won’t want a wife with a degree.

    somehow i didn’t marry him and last month i heard he found a 2nd wife, a lady with a master degree.
    point is – if man want to cheat – macam-macam execuse – hitam jadi putih, putih jadi hitam. itu macam le.
    so learn to love oneself first bef loving others.

  10. Ah pink – Wow, you FIL very sensible and clever lor.

    Sweetspirit – This is what the Chinese call ‘eating our own heart’ situation.

    Pompit – yalar, cuma excuses. But then, this happens everyday.

    -mua – Glad you live to share the tale with us. Sometimes, the wife also at fault ‘cos they lag behind when their husband got more successful. So, the man does have a point but that doesn’t mean he has the right. Oh well, life is like that. BTW, did you all read the April MWW? Wah, I am so in awe of the Datin Michael Chong. Go get a copy and read? She is not highly educated and yet keeping up with her husband. So, low education is not an excuse. A woman has to evolve with the husband, that’s all. And she is so pretty too.

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