My fantasies of sleek black mercedes….

SE630 phone showing battery extremely low. 5xmom frantically punched the buttons.

5xmom : Tiuss la, tyre pamcit (punctured)
Man : You wearing skirt?
5xmom : Hah? (brain blur ‘cos today puasa, no coffee, no food at noon)
Man : Go and lift up the skirt and stop traffic.
5xmom : CBlar, I got no mood to siao (joke) with you. I got two grouchy sons in the car, and another poor guy waiting for me outside the home (just back from school).
Man : Like that ah? Lemme think
5xmom : Faster lah, otherwise, I drive all the way home ok? Let the axle terus patah (broken).

5xmom’s fantasies : Along came a sleek black Mercedes. Tall 6′ 2″, well-built, moustache, total bald, dark, handsome taukey (preferably a widower), wind down the heavily tinted, back window.

SBM : Miss, you got a flat tyre? Need some help?
5xmom : *pretending breathless and protrude tongue ala Xiaxue* Err…yes, puhleeeeez (in squeaky voice).
SBM : *give instruction to driver* Dey, you go and change the tyre for the sweet lady, take her kids home and take the rest of the day off.

And 5xmom and SBM got on the sbm and rode to eternity. Never need to blog anymore because SBM and 5xmom are going to be telling each other their life stories, whispering into each other ears, drinking champagne and eating strawberries. *sigh*

NOW, THE REALITY:
5xdad (the man lar) : Tell you what, you leave the car by the road side. I call Nazri (5xdad regular taxi fren) and see if he is around town.
5xmom : Die lah, I only have RM5 in the wallet. Your son root canal used up RM350. I no money how to call taxi!!!!

Impatient, 5xmom decided to stand ala Malboro man behind her Perdana. Instead of Malboro, she held her SE630 with almost no battery. Thank God, one taxi came by. 5xmom scrimped and searched the car for spare changes and found RM5 in coins. Woohoo! (oh ya, Nazri the taximan missed ferrying the celebrity 5xmom ‘cos she sped home on the first available taxi paying RM6 in notes and coins).

So, Penangites, if you see a Perdana, car registration PEM XXXX parked illegally outside St. George’s girls school in Macalister Road, help to push it into the drain, ok? Make it a total wreck for me? Hopefully, I get to ride a sleek black mercedes someday.

24 Replies to “My fantasies of sleek black mercedes….”

  1. hor!!! lilian you are not afraid 5xdad accidentally stumble upon your blog and find out your fantasy about SBM ah??? LOL!

  2. eh, hallo! how many days have you been fasting? Since Monday aa? If you go to taxi stand, you can find a lot of black mercedes one ma!

    Happy Easter!

  3. momof2 – 5xdad knew about my blog leh, ‘cos he paid for my website. But whether he read or not,is a mystery to me.

    MrsT – That is my venting, just that it turned humourous while writing.

    Doc – Someone please tell SBM!!!! Puhleezzz…

    OJ – This is to payback for saying ‘lousy and mechanical story teller’.

  4. Wahlau, 5xMom even describe her SBM owner specification.

    Tall 6′ 2″, well-built, moustache, total bald, dark, handsome taukey.

    Kekekekkeeke. 5xMom can go to Germany to fufil the fantasies. Sure anti-climax.

  5. Oi OJ, Knot, I sked too many ppl get wet dreams. Afterwards, they enlarge big-big and print and paste on their walls how? HOHOHOHO. But if you damn free, do it la.

    moo_t – I told doc I am whoring for traffic! LOL! Nolah, seriously Hustler is a nice guy. Don’t let the blog fools you. And yes, I intentionally use his sleek black mercedes tag name.

    But hor, why Germany leh? I worked for German bosses when I was 17yrs old leh. Damn terrified of their tempers. All white, curly hair, did not fit my requirements mah.

    Simon -shhhh…my fast only child’s play. Everyday half day only. Bueh tahan liao. At least something is better than nothing la, hor? God’s willing, I got stronger will in the years to come.

    Jason – TQ
    Twinsmom – In the jungle got.

  6. Aiyak! pancit har ? actulee hor pancit no nid replace tayar one leh …. i dunno why but not many seems to know bout this method. U buy a pump (lektirk or manual foot pump) will do, u fill the pancit tayar up and it willlast u far enuff to reach the tayar shop or home wart ? no nid to get your hands durty orso. 😛

  7. Ah Wingz ah, If I am alone, maybe I will TRY changing tyre leh. Not to change but to test still got handsome samaritan wants to stop by and help. But with two kids in the car, how to pump leh? I think my ang got that pump, just plug it to the lighter hole and it go ‘khek, khek, khek’ very loud. Next time I phone you easierlah.

    OJ – need a kick.

  8. Mercedes boring -lah. Lilian ask ATM for Hummer..Good car for superwoman like you.. sturdy, reliable, and if people bug you.. Hantam ( I still remember that word) them 🙂 You might need special permit for the optional machine gun hehehe

  9. ..oo forgot.. chances of flat tire almost nil. Also if it ever stalls, lots of guys will jump to help you.

  10. Why must bald… Hmmm. Didn’t notice you prefer Patrick stewart type of fantasies 😉
    http://www.patrickstewart.org/

    Aiyah…… What I mean the anti-climax part :
    when you go to Germany, you see whole street also SBM. At least 5% of the men will meet your profile 😉

  11. Moo_T – yes, yes, I lurve Prof. X. And if Nicholas Cage goes bald lagi best.

    Twinsmom – ‘It’? I dunwan leh, I want a ‘he’.

    kehkehkeh, romantic, the SBM has nothing to do with my atm leh. You watch Pretty Woman? You remember how at the end of the movie, Richard Gere came in his limousine, with an umbrella? Aha! That’s the kind of ride I am talking about, it has nothing to do with the make of the car. okokok, just ignore me, I have come down from the cloud dy.

  12. LoL!!! You honor me – My sincere thanks and appreciation for the mention and kind words. I got a full head of hair, err – top and bottom!!!

    Cheers! 🙂

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