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Mom, conserve land, no nid ching ming

**Note : This is strictly a conversation between my kids and I. It has nothing to do with being disrespect to other faiths or your traditions. My kids had been through a lot of things that many of you haven’t been through like the burials of two grandmas and the cremation and scattering the ashes of their baby brother. So, if you find what I am going to write disrespectful, appalling or whatever, I don’t really care.**

A short background : April 5th is Ching Ming. All the Chinese families will honour their deceased ancestors at graves and columbarium. They can do it 10 days before and 10 days after Apr. 5th. I was the head of the Loh’s family in carrying out this tradition as an obedience to my mother-in-law when she was still alive.

Conversation I had with my kids :

5xmom and 5xdad discussing date to hold Ching Ming.
#2 son : Mom, we should start conserving land.
5xmom : Why? No rain? (thought I heard conserving water)
#2 son : Nolah, they used up all the land liao.
5xmom realised he is referring to the five (5) graves we had to go each year. Ideas start pouring in and smirks.
5xmom : Yaya, throw into the sea or feed the maggots.
#2 son : Yalah, go and burn-burn and throw into the sea
5xmom : Noleh, pollute the sea like dat. Hah! I got better idea, we use as organic planting materials.
#2 son : We go buy a house with backyard? (now staying in apartment)
5xmom : Yaya, what plant you want to plant with my ashes?
#2 son : Mango tree?
5xmom : No, no durian tree better
Mother and sons laughing.

Frankly, after the death of my son, I do not care about Ching Ming anymore. It is not that I am not bothered about my own parents and in-laws. But generally, all of us bereaved mothers have this reluctance to go to graves to honour our elders when we know that our hearts ache for someone else. It is a natural acceptance that our parents will die one day. But it is NOT a normal order of things for mothers to live longer than their children. I had not been to any Ching Ming for the last 3 years. The only person who still go is my atm and my #3 son.

Last year, I was ‘lucky’ to be spared of going to the graves because my Matthew was hospitalised for some mild viral infection. I pray that I do not have to go through this ritual this year. Hopefully, I got lau-sai (diarrhoea)or something. Selfish and silly? Maybe.

While passing by the shops selling paper shoes and paper clothes, I have a certain deja vu feelings. My kids used to buy lots and lots of things for their beloved grandmas (more for my mother who used to take care of them). It is not easy for me to guide little children to adapt to their new faith. The older two kids are ok and can differentiate their previous and current faiths. But for my #3, I have to make sure he is coached with the least hostility.

5xmom : David, do we still need to buy those things?
#3 son : No…
5xmom : Why?
#3 son : Got plenty of things in Heaven liao, no need for us to provide.
5xmom : Yeap, clever boy. It is an all expenses paid holiday, Ah Mah don’t need you to buy airtickets and passport anymore, right? God provides.

5xmom : What did you do up the hill (graves) last year, you remember? (he was the only one who went up the hill)
#3 son : Yeah, I went up the hill to play fire.
5xmom : If your aunties give you joss-sticks, what do you do?
#3 son : Tell them I am a Christian?
5xmom : Yes, but what must you do?
#3 son : Pray to God and tell God to bless everyone, especially Vincent?

5xmom felt a sense of relief.

All said, Ching Ming is a wonderful time for family get-togethers. Use it to rekindle the ties within your family. Honour thy ancestors and remember them for all the good things they had done for you. And the best way to honour them is to be loving towards one another amongst the clans(cousins/nieces/nephews/cucu/cicit etc).

As a parting note, let me share something from the Bible.

Jesus comforts His Disciples before His death,

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

*Addition – If you want to read more about Ching Ming, Dr. Liew has written a very long blog last year. But read it only at night when you are alone. Don’t say I did not warn you, ok?




17 Responses to “Mom, conserve land, no nid ching ming”

  1. Your children sound very matured. 🙂

  2. Ching Ming huh ? so i can say *Namoamitabha* 🙂

  3. traffic lai liow

  4. FARKKK I hate chingming!! flame me la.. since i not blogging liow. Why?! coz everytime i’m gonna celebrate my bday (hint hint.. which incidentaly falls on chingming season every year).. my frens will be like.. “cannot wor i have to go sau mu (sweep tomb)” Sau lan la.. -_-”

    anyway was just joking 🙂 yeah it’s a very good family get-together.. regardless of any religious implications it may have.. it’s still a part of our chinese tradition.. so don give heck just enjoy myself only la..

    i’m the one who light the firecrackers one.. BOM BOM BOM so nice.. like chinese new year..

  5. Wah…want to hint, make it louder la. Which day? April 5th? Or when? You no blog liao, I can blog it for you mah. Park at my site, draw traffic from FrozenLily to BeautifulLotus mah. You dunno meh, I whoring for traffic.

    OJ – Shiok leh, let ‘it’ drag for several days oso nevermind hor? I can hog the limelight as the few bloggers around.

    Wingz – Amen.

    JxT – They have no choice ‘cos they been through a lot of things previously.

  6. Ching Ming good. I see a lot of SYTs on Ching Ming, wearing hot pants and all. Probably the lucky ones would get to rub sunscreen on them sometimes. 😛

    Not to mention you might get to see muscular men sweating in semi-transparent soaked t-shirts cutting lalangs, LOL!

    *just another twisted view* 😛

    I go stand in the corner now… kikiki…

  7. Oh ya, Doc, since you are here. I took your last year blog and link to my blog ya? No nid permission hor? But I have given them (readers) a warning liao. doc said must read after past midnight. Then, only can strike 4D, toto, damacai, lottery, pacinko, hampalang semua oso can.

  8. wah lilian! your chai’s so mature thinking wan. next time sure a lot of lui kau your chai’s wan 😉

    ya hor, CM around the corner. will need to plan with my mom to go to daddy’s grave, and that means traffic jam all the way! urrgh…

  9. Long live the buaya! *wink*
    Ya, Buaya, traffic jam or whatever, it will please your mom most, so it is worth the trouble. I hope people don’t read and think I am anti-Ching Ming. I am not, kehkehkeh. And don’t forget to take doc’s advice – bring sun protection lotion along, just in case got SYTs.

  10. 5xmOm… hey hey ~ i m rachel
    and i m now once of ur fansi ahhh
    i like to read ur blogs everyday now

    actually… i jus started to noe the blogs blogs..thg
    from a fren kaihong and then came to ur comments
    only i found ur (more) interesting blogs (shhhhh..don tell
    kaihong abt tis… huh~ ) LOL

    omg everyday is like.. catching up a story book maannnN~
    so fun reading blogs now… better than watching those
    drama series.. wor…. hahaha

    and now wat.. i came to noe jasomumbles.. munkit the handsome .. xia xue(at first i thot she is adam cheng’s daughter wor..) and then… came to michael looi .. cool wor.. his blogs so hightech i love reading his dialogue mirc icq .. so on..

    and … everyday learning new thg new words… new new new
    and ur blogs… lagi mau cakap mer… so envy u tat have 4
    cheeky boys… so funny ahhH~
    and ur blogs so so so healhty to read abt… i continue every episod .. and of cos i do trace back somes of the previous one also la….

    haizz… i so “lor sor” .. ok ok i shut up ya..
    anyway i jus wanna drop u comment tat lUi lian ahhh i support u ahhh ~~

    raCheL

  11. I am a Klmers, but my father home town is at Northen side. During my childhood, I like Ching Ming. It is a time where you meet your relative from far away. Even heat is not a problem to me.
    Now I seldom go, because I can’t wistand the heat. Something I don’t understand that why Chinese cemetery seldom plant tree. The listed company that provide “modern” cemetery also didn’t plant tree around the cemetery. For Christian cemetery, you can take the shade of frangipani tree.

    And for the joss-sticks, some Christian don’t against it. IMHO, the joss-sticks doesn’t against the Christian religious believe. It just carried the same symbolic meaning as flowers. (You know lar… our ancestor very poor, cannot afford flower)

  12. Hi Moo_t – Chinese cannot have big trees or else it cover the fengshui of their descendants wor. The graves play a big part in fengshui mah.

    As for joss-sticks and candles, yeah, we Catholics can use it. But since, it was my 7 yrs old son who was alone there, I had to tell him to stay away lor. (need to explain – last year, I was in the hospital with my toddler, two older kids got some school activities so left one little 7 yrs old boy) I don’t want him to feel confused when all the other 20 aunties, uncles and cousins and father praying to the earth god, hades god etc, he also follow along mah. *haih* Why la I make things sound so complicated?

    RaCHeL – I love to see your comments. So funny and full of saliva. Hahahaha, Kai Hong!!! Helloooo, Kai Hong you reading this?

  13. Wah. Aunty Lilian. I like your kids la. So pandai berfikir wan. Must be products of a super great mom! *grins*

    Anyway, just wanna tell you I bertumpang sedih with u *will remember you in my prayers*, *hugs*

  14. 🙂 Ah~ didn’t know Qing Ming coming soon. Mum didn’t tell me on phone just now. I agree with ur son of no land liao~

    I saw in TV many years ago, a documentary of Tibet. The highest rank of funeral service is to chop the dead body into pieces and fed to the carnivor birds… whereby the lowest rank is to bury in earth.

    Before I forgot, Happy Easter. 🙂

  15. If I’m not mistaken, doc blogged once about your idea creating a cyber graveyard hor. (Refer to: http://www.drliew.net/archives/001534.html) When will it start ah?

  16. Wah, peminat doc. I oredi start liao but not the gila-gila idea like what I tok with doc la. Serius mia.

    fish fish – How come they feed the high rank and bury the low one hor? ‘Cos the high rank will end up as bird shit. Hahahaha.

    Lobak – Thank you!

  17. […] I have no part in influencing my older kids whether they want to join their father trudging through the graves. But tell me lah, which teenagers like to wake up at 5am and do this? That’s why sons told me they are going to feed me to the fishes! Environmental friendly, save Mother’s Earth and conserve land. […]