My obituary will be…

People say that when you are approaching your golden years, you like to read the obituary section in the newspapers because it tells you if you circle of friends have gotten smaller. But I had always been fascinated with obituaries since I was young!

It says so much about life. You know, it is very expensive to book a space in the obituary section? It is much cheaper for your friends to put a condolence message for you. So, take note and tell your loved ones to place a condolence message for you instead of placing an obituary. I had placed both obituaries and condolence messages before and hence, was told that the rates are different.

Like for e.g. tell your wife to place an obituary that goes something like this?

With deepest condolence to myself for the lost of my income source. May Mr. X rest in peace and blesses me with dreams of first prize 4D, DaMaCai, Toto and lottery.

Or:
With much happy condolences to myself on the loss of my ork-kai-nah (fierce hen). May Madam OKN blesses me with many SYTs as replacement.

I read a lot of obituaries because I like to count the number of wives the person have had. Then, I try to separate out which children belongs to which wife. Sometimes, a man may have 3 wives and 24 children. Then, multiply by 2 and multiply 3. Wahlau-eh, it is nice to try to figure out which children belongs to which parent.

I also like to see how the names of the children, those Chinese ones, carry either the same middle or last names. It appears very grandiose, isn’t it? Like the children of the Emperor of China? Last time, when my mother-in-law passed away, she had too many great-grandchildren and grandchildren. Therefore, my atm had to spend about RM1K just to accomodate the names.

Of course, when you see some grand old dame or duke passed away, you know that they had lived a good life. But sadly, sometimes, obituaries section carry the death announcement of young people. You can almost sense a big loss in your heart to see a life taken away at such a young age. Then, there are also obituaries of small children and babies which is even more heartbreaking. I sometimes, shed a few tears, staring at those happy faces photos of the deceased children.

I don’t know about others but I can see how my obituary is going to appear next time, probably another 50 years down the line. It will appear on http://chanlilian.net one day with this message :

5xmom bo liaok (no more, elek puacik, not boh liao as in no good)
Soli hor
Go find other blog to read?

Now, must make mental note for someone to remember my login password to blog it for me, right? Otherwise, how am I going to blog my own obituary leh? Who leh, can outlived me?

P/S : With May 1st approaching, I usually dipped into these ‘wish I can die faster’ mode. Don’t bother about me, I find my amusement this way. Expect more morbid blogs till May 1st is over.

16 Replies to “My obituary will be…”

  1. lol.who can outlived you? i should be able to,if everything goes well la.who knows,you might be able to outlived me instead.

    i think u can write down ur username n pass in ur will.

    and i dont think i would want an obituary.
    depressing.

  2. LOL.. damn funny weh ur obituary. i won’t cry but laugh. but that’s what you want right? for us to be happy? LOL..

    stay alive, lilian. don’t leave us. NOoOOoo..*fades*

  3. i made an obituary page for myself when i went through morbid teenage phase. spooked out many of my friends, coz i didnt pick up my phonecalls. showed my mom, she nagged me 99.

  4. Wow i was only thinking the same thing the other night” Great minds think alike hehe” Anyways there was actually 40 bloggers from webblog that passed away one yr, yeah i was reading about the bloggers that have left 🙁 , actually i’ll never forget Johan Ismail”Joe Blogs” and the day he went away,his blog has also gone actually it gives the impression he never left.
    tcz Lilian

  5. oi lui lian..
    u piang ler… why so depressed one
    no worry ler..

    in heaven also can blog one.. God will arrange for u
    cheers

  6. LOL. If you don’t mind hor, please tell me your bank account number, platinum card PIN number……

    Today read lots of obituary about Pope John Paun 2. That means the whole world is going to die soon?

  7. You must be one of the few people this side of Chicago who can make such a serious subject so hilarious. No wonder Penang can still survive with all its traffic jams, unscrupulous taxi drivers, unshorn pearls, and rescheduled Air Asia flights.

  8. Penny – I so very want them to blog, especially my 13 yrs old ‘cos he learnt many things that he should share. Like how to make the Slurpee at 7-11 to fill up to the max. LOL! But he refused.

    fishtail – Yes, I guess we Penangites had to evolve to suit the environment.
    Mango – I got no platinum card, too bad. Die? Not so soon.

    Pompit – Wah, if Chinese they pantang like mad where this thing is concerned.
    OJ – Wah, traffic whoring to the max.
    Jinny – Thank you.

    Rachel – Yes, yes, I will blog in Heaven. LOL.
    Sweetspirit – do share the URL? I only read one mom’s blog which the husband may continue. She died of accident. Funny isn’t it? How we can still be ‘alive’ online eventhough we are gone.

  9. Simon – Wrong : 16+5 = I am 21 yrs old.

    Romantic – Good idea. Must get them into blogging soon. Abuden, wonder what they are going to say behind my back. Horrors!

    Kim – That’s very cool! I remembered I intentionally wore my black mourning clothes one Chinese New Year, the year after my father passed away. I also kena 99. We can look back and laugh now. NVM, no harm done.

    Mrs T – Thanks, knowing that you laugh, I am glad.

    Jayelle – Hahaha, mei kum fai sei chi.

    RB – Yeah, who knows what tomorrow hold for us, right? When I write a will, I will remember your suggestion.

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