Viagra – the last resort

The memories of the blue pill suddenly pop into my mind. It was the last resort for me and when it failed to bring on the results the doctor were banking on, I knew that life is ending.

In case some of you do not know, Viagra has been tested on mountain climbers and they found it helped them in their breathing. (There is less oxygen at high altitude.) Though it is not medically acceptable at that point in time, some patients with lungs problem had been put on Viagra. And a handful of babies with lungs problem too were given a trial. One of the baby, whom I met the mother personally, responded to the treatment.

Therefore, when all else fail for Vincent, I beg the doctor to prescribe Viagra for Vincent. Before that I had checked with several websites like the American Academy of Paediatricians, Great Ormond Street UK, wrote to a lungs specialist in KL and also personal encounters.

When I was pushed into a corner like that, I only want to hear positive results and only look out for bright outcome. So, I was full of hope. After signing the Indemnity Form (to cover the hospital and medical staff and I bear full responsibilities for any outcome), we put Vincent on Viagra.

Though on the exterior, it was humourous, deep inside, I knew that it was the ultimate test. We were laughing and trying to detect an erection from Vincent, whom was about 6 mths old. An erection indicates positive response. If this happens, it means that the blood vessels in his lungs too would have expanded and therefore, helped him to breath.

But, the only thing I discovered was that I was really losing him. He did not responded, wasn’t able to adapt to the ventilators and therefore, was transferred to UMMC.

It is about this time, 3 years ago that I went through life most frightening situation. I.e. watching my own son dying. I had survived that and am a better person. Therefore, I do wonder….why am I here today, with so little scars? It is only with God’s grace.

*As I had mentioned earlier, this is usually a very tough time for bereaved mothers like me. The days preceding the death anniversary where we often recall those last few weeks. Therefore, I hope to find enough strength to pull through. I pray that mothers and all those whom had lost a love one would also be strong too. Life is worth living only when you make the best of it.*

6 Replies to “Viagra – the last resort”

  1. No parent should have to go through that. Sigh…But Vincent knew you did the best you could, just as you know that he has given his best too.. Hugs

  2. I do so admire that you can talk about it.. Lilian.. *hugs*.. 🙂
    But can you warn me.. first.. if you are writing about Vincent..?? coz’ it’s too hard for me to read.. because of my own experience with mine.. but that’s another story altogether.
    But still you are the bravest mom.. i’ve come across.. and still one hell of a lady..!!

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