What holds a marriage? – Pt 1

*To divorced couples, please do not read between the lines in what I am saying or going to say. This is merely my own thoughts and views. I am sick of strangers popping out of nowhere to flame blindly.*

Mr Kiasu quoted somewhere that marriage has a 50%-50% chance of breaking/being successful.

I don’t think I can agree on this. One has to be absolutely, 100% sure that one is ready to commit their whole life to the other person.

As far as I am concerned, one thing that holds a marriage is discipline. Kids also play a very important part.

When I got married, religion did not feature highly in my marriage and hence, I only see the legal side of things. I see marriage as an agreement that I have to stick to, like a gentleman honouring his words.

Later on, it is about commitment as an adult to see that the kids have a happy home to grow up in. And now, I see marriage as something sacred.

I probably place my own happiness second to many things. So did my atm. One can’t expect a marriage to have only good things. But with lots of discipline, some sacrifices, a bit of disappointments, change of expectations and etc etc, it will hold.

Must a couple stay together even if they are unhappy? Tough question. I suppose there are only two good reason for going separate ways – abusive spouse or infidelity. However, as Catholics, we are expected to try to work through these. I pray that I won’t have to face them at all because I don’t think I can tolerate these no matter how strong my faith is.

So, what holds your marriage? And please keep the comments coming so that I can think what to write in Part Two, if any. I have seen many marriages breaking up, including those of my children’s godparents.

*Blog this at 3.30 am ‘cos atm is watching Liverpool vs. Chelsea. Yawnnnn….*

13 thoughts on “What holds a marriage? – Pt 1

  1. I stayed in mine for 10yrs.. before i said.. nope.. i deserve better.. 🙂 does that tell you anything..???

  2. Well my marrige is good for the last 18 years and hope till the end of our lives because I have a friend as a partner. I think divorce happens it’s because of the different expectation of both parties and that makes it difficult to work out in a marriage.
    To last in a marriage is to give and take,lots of sacrifice, be patience, not to mention the love you give to your spouse and family.
    Marriages that flourish are friendships.

  3. the marriage vow that i exchange with my wife is the main key that hold my 16 y o husband-wife relationship….of course with God’s much grace too.

  4. The 10 most important things for me not arranged in any sequence is 1) Love, 2) trust, 3) humour (sometimes we even crack silly jokes when the other is angry and thats the fastest way of getting rid of the anger in the most ridiculous manner), 4) give & take, 5) empathy, 6) commitment, 7) understanding your partner, 8) kids (though sadly this sometimes breaks up marriages too), 9) giving each other space yet encouraging each other to be their best and 10) patience.

  5. been married 10 yrs only.
    1. both must have common principles. like both believe marriage is a lifelong commitment.
    2. keep the relationship fresh, from time to time, go out together, just the both of you.
    3. have dreams together, both short and long terms.
    4. it’s ok to not love your spouse all the time, just stay committed all the time.
    5. learn to say i’m sorry – and mean it.
    6. learn your spouse’s love language.
    7. do something silly form time to time.
    8. agree to disagree on things
    9. keep short accounts.
    10. divorce never, murder yes.
    not in any particular order. i don’t pretend to have it all together but hope the above helps.
    better not let my wife see this. hehehe…..

  6. Compromise and communication. And ability to laugh at each other and with each other no matter how bad the situation is. Everyday together is a learning experience.

  7. ill tell you my point of view when i get married. 😀

    although, one thing that sticks in mind when i view my parents 24 years of marriage and on going is the understanding and the give n take. one must know when to mengalah, and it doesnt always have to be the weaker one (some would say the wife).

    i guess the right word would be tolerance. afterall, isnt that what is also needed in a multiracial society?

  8. Been married since 1986. If I must choose just one single element that has been holding us together, it has got to be ‘humour’ (ref MG). Argue ok, but must make up and joke later before hitting the sack for the day. Otherwise, kaput ok.

  9. Nobody knows for sure,I think 🙂

    I’ve come across couples who just felt that they don’t love each other anymore, or don’t feel like being husband and wife to each other anymore, and just divorced like that. No hard feelings, no arguments.

    As for me, it’s the love and the respect.

  10. Wah, so many feedbacks. I will collect and write a Part Two later on.

    As for love – I am very doubtful about that. ‘Cos love will be the first culprit to break a marriage. Let me elaborate more another day. But so glad to hear from all the ‘veteran married’ couples. Give me confidence that I am not doing so bad after all.

  11. my papa and mummy shared a marriage of 21 years already.
    i pretty much saw the stages they had been through (on that piece i wrote in my blog)

    i have no real experiences in Love before but i think (just a feeling) that most of the time, Like dates Like.
    despite the many differences, i have noticed similarities (at least in terms of “mentality”) in a marriage between a husband and wife.

    tolerance, love and understanding are the main ingredients (from what i’ve observed)

    looking forward to part 2!

  12. I appreciate the posting and the comments as it gives me beetter understanding of the complexities of sharing your life with someone; this after seeing my parents’ marriage breakdown. As such, it has been tough for me in relationships always looking for hidden motives and agendas to prevent betrayal and hurt but ultimately sharing in the same pain and fearing to trust and love again. If time permits, would you put up a post which dissects the qualities of a good mate/partner (both from male and female perspective)?

    I understand everyone is different but the posting should illicit feedbacks and comments that should help broaden my worldview on personalities and wants and needs of people in general. Much thanks.

  13. My parents have been happily married since 1973 and a few things I noticed as a daughter and outsider is this:

    1) Never compromise your fidelity to your partner for anyone not even your daugther/son. You should not have to side anyone in an argument – even it’s between children and mother/father. Always side and support your partner FIRST – it shows trust and respect.

    2) Never fear affection only death of affection itself. Never be afraid to show that you still care about your partner. A smooch on the cheek every morning…a teasing laugh, a caress…it all counts at the end of the day.

    3) Differences are okay.

    4) You can still have a life even after marriage.

    5) Communication, support and respect is VERY VERY important. Love alone will not guarentee the lasting of a marriage.

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