Teenagers vs. Parents (Discipline) Part Two

On MSN instant messaging:

Old Nag : Oi, go put your dirty plate in the sink. NOW!!!!
ham ham : *MSN icon of cute blackface*
Old Nag : Oi, your school shoes dried yet or not?
ham ham : *MSN icon of cold sweats* (been raining in Penang)
Old Nag : Get off line, exam tomolo
ham ham : yr head la
Old Nag : Go ulangkaji (revise studies)
ham ham shouted from the other room, ‘Tiam lah!!!!’ (hokkien dialect meaning – quiet/diam) (of course, the tone is a joking one, like what our toddler usually shouted because I always screamed at them to tiam)

That is the typical communication I have with my teenage kids.
Earlier, during dinner time, both 15 yrs old and 13 yrs old were poking fun at me in the kitchen. One ordered spaghetti with cream sauce. Another one wanted spaghetti with clams. I have already roasted lamb in the oven and was making myself spicy bean sauce (canned meat) with mee hoon. It is a chore indeed to prepare so many different things but what matters is the communication. They were stirring the food, learning and helping around.

So, as a follow-up from Part One.…..
Both parties are wrong. But there is none so wrong as the one who is matured, a parent, a leader of the community, a teacher to the youths/children to overlook that the most essential thing is to communicate with the youths. I.e. go down to their level and understand them.

Scolding them in public is wrong.
Doing it outside of the school hours is wrong.
Labelling them ‘entertaining’ the boys is wrong.
There are many other things I cannot quote here but those unquotable things are the ‘wrongest’ of all.

I am very sure both girls would be very demotivated and when these spread to their friends, the repercussion is very huge.

*sigh* Parenting is a tough job. If you think listening to Barney singing over and over again is bad…….Wait till you hear Eminem, Linkin Park, Simple Plan etc etc and your own sons sing-along over and over and over and over again. And that’s not the worst, listening to my sons who don’t know a word of Mandarin singing Mandarin love songs. Gawd….or those Chipmunk voices?

The point is – I do not like to enforce too much discipline. I try to endure and may God grants me lots of patience.

Blogging has enabled me to get to know more teenagers online. Being online, I am at their level and listening to their rants and the reasons behind their actions, I am a lot more wiser. I also got to know other parents with teenagers and it is certainly very enlightening to compare notes. One of them is Milly’s mom who gives me first hand tips on parenting teenage kids. Milly seems to be such a sweet girl so I asked her mom for parenting tips. Ahhh…who can do without blogging, huh?

I suppose my way of disciplining my kids do not agree with other parents but ultimately, to each his/her own style, right?

5 Replies to “Teenagers vs. Parents (Discipline) Part Two”

  1. I think we put much too much pressure on the kids already – gosh, when I see how much they have to do in school. But sure, it also depends on the level of naughtiness however, I try to never ever forget that I was a rascal, disobedient, and still turned out well. So I hope to have a good and mutual relation with my kid, and try to live the values that I instil into him. That means: don’t take all the crap from anyone, but take responsibility if you have messed up. Be ethical, and try not too lie (this is tough, considering all the white lies around). Look at things from different sides, and try to find the best way to get going. Have fun in life, but dont impose your will on others. And so on!

  2. It all boils to consideration, IHMO.

    Parents don’t understand that kids have feelings too (and thus should respect those emotions – hence scolding in public is embarassing for either parties) and kids don’t understand that it isn’t easy being a parent. The birth of one’s child doesn’t come with a parenting manual.

    We should see people of all ages as adults; that way, they’ll grow up displaying ‘adult’ behaviour much faster than if you were to treat your kiddo like a baby.

    Just me two cents, that’s all.

  3. I think some parents are quite ignorant of their children’s feelings. They expect their children to be well-behaved so not to embarass them in public and make ppl think that they’re good parents but have they ever thought of their kids and how kids also want their parents to be ‘well-behaved’ in public too? E.g: Don’t scold them unnecessarily in public with super harsh words that would humiliate their children. It’s bad for the relationship and will seriously make their children detest them. Reason out in a very stern tone and give them a very serious expression. They will understand if you do it properly.

    I saw a lil boy throwing tantrum at Ikano yesterday in the restaurant and the mother carried him to one corner and said “I will not tolerate your behaviour.This is not how mama’s good boy would behave. Do you understand or do you want me to leave you here standing until you understand???” She didn’t scold out loud or beat the child but was merely reasoning out with him. The kid straightaway stopped crying and went back to the table with his mom where she gave him a glass of water and sayang-ed his head and I saw him smiling again.

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