“…Sometimes, we are so busy being mothers, we forget we were an individual/woman/girl/child once.” (my comments in Mama22beas blog)
(photo taken at Perhentian in January 2005)
First, let me introduce the great bunch of mothers (and fathers) from MyMomsBest. We had been together as an online group for three years. We had been through each other’s happy moments and at times, bleakest times. For me, being the ‘leader’ of the gang, I had the opportunity to observe several women from the moment they were pregnant, to childbirth, throughout breastfeeding and toddlerhood. Therefore, I can see the transformation taking place. They give their all to their babies and husbands.
Once in a while, I step in with my much matured motherhood experiences. I gently nudge them that it is not healthy to put ourself last, after children, husband, career/homemaking and whatever else they emphasise on.
No matter how busy motherhood is, I like to place my own happiness first. Like finishing some expensive chocolates without leaving them for my kids or refusing to get out of bed and told the older kids to find some bread to fill their stomachs until I get my 8-hour sleep or pester their papa instead. These small things gave me a wicked feeling of remaining as the special person at home.
Maybe many people will see this as a very selfish act but through trials and bumps, I know that when I am running on empty, pleasing everyone else ahead of me, I am bound to feel cheated and denied off my own real personality. The problem is, I may not immediately recognise why I feel unhappy.
Tempers will flare. The kids will get scolded unnecessary and even the hubby will be ‘injured’ in the crossfire. When a woman puts her all into others, no matter how much they love the person and is sincere about the act, they will one day feel ‘used’.
I remember when I was young, my mother would make remarks like ‘I wish I did not give birth to you.’ To which, I would gladly reply, ‘You should have strangled me to death when I was a baby then, save you the rice to feed me.’ Of course, these were not uttered in anger but out of frustration by my mom, in a joking tone. (gee, I really can’t remember what I did to earn that wrath, LOL)
However, many of us may not recognise our unhappiness. We probably live with some discontentment and wondering what cause us to be not 100% satisfied and happy with life. We may not dare to allow ourselves to think selfish thoughts. Or did not vocalise things like what my mother did.
So, we will go on living until some damages were done such as:
1) getting loggerheads with our older children because we felt they had let us down
2) lost our own exuberant personality and lost touch with the man we fell in love with and married
3) even worst, lost the man to another woman because he no longer finds you to be the person he married
4) or not so bad (LOL), find that another man find us attractive instead
5) place our expectations too high because we felt we had sacrificed much and ended up with a big let-down with life in general
How do we find ourselves then? Why do you think so many children and their parents cannot get along? I will ponder this and probably babble more later.