Find the woman in me – Part Two


Actually, what prompted me to write more about myself is Venus’s blog about Restrictions. Venus or JuJu as her friends fondly call her is 19 years old and have written many well-thought out postings.

i am 19, going on 20 🙂 i personally feel it is crucial for parents to take note of their children’s general attitude/personalities and work towards bonding with him/her.

I would say the teenage years of bonding would be of utmost difficult and yet, most important. or you shall lose her when he/she has finally grown up. (just a thought)

i’ve noticed that the Truth lies in the fact that during our teenage years, we were once an Extreme Rebel.

we throw hurtful words, without considering the concequences, to our parents and loved ones, who are trying to be in a position to Guide us to the supposedly “right” route

This has profound effects on me, both as a girl Venus’s age and now, as a parent to my teenage sons. Let’s talk about the girl stage. I only have one parent as a child and the bonding with my mom was the traditional Chinese way. Hence, I benefitted in being independent.

At Venus’s age, I had been an independent person, working for my own survival. I lived with my mom at my sister’s place as mom was helping to take care of my nephew and nieces. Even at that age, I hate relying on my bro-in-law for shelter and food. Hence, I moved out on my own after my 21st birthday.

I remember once when I was too broke and asked for advance pay. The Financial Controller (paymaster) wanted to take out some money from his pocket to lend to me as he said it takes a lot of red-tape to apply for advance pay. I refused borrowing money from him (ala Erin Brockovich , though that movie hasn’t materialise yet) and went on starvation instead. Of course, if you are a girl at around that age, you can easily get free lunches and dinners if you just flutter eyelids or something.

Now, when I look back, I asked myself if I still have that independent streak in me. Do I have the courage to strike out on my own if say some ‘tung kwa tau foo’ (unfortunate events)happens? I know I would. Many women had been trapped in a bad marriage because they are afraid of not being able to survive on their own. Recently, I heard of many cases and hence, these thoughts linger.

I suppose if each of us look real hard, after putting aside our roles as wives, mothers and daughters, we would find a real self that we had, once upon a time.

(to be continued)

2 thoughts on “Find the woman in me – Part Two

  1. Hi Lilian,what a inspirational entry,keep up the excellent job and I trully enjoy your writing with the sense of humour and Penang flavour.By the way, you look very similar like the news reporter -Veronica in CNN. Does she just happen to be your younger sister or something?hehehe

  2. To all the growing ladies (wives, mothers and daughters)- do NOT get yourself upset when you find yourselves dwelling on the negative issues in your life. Instead ask yourself “why are you doing so?” The answer will come to you.

    Let whatever emotions are involved happen. Do this honestly and feelings of self worthlessness or despondency will go through and vanish. Do not automatically assume they are wrong.

    Many of your own beliefs work for you for a certain period of your life. Many children at one time or another believe that their parents are omnipotent giving them a sense of security. Then in later adolescent years the same offspring are shocked to discover their parents to be quite human and fallible; the inadequacy and inferiority the older generations and the callousness of those in control of them.

    The rebellious streak in them surface in their adulthood and they would believe that the older generations have “done everything wrong”. This is good for them as it frees them of their “childish concepts” and gives them the challenge to tackle personal and world problems.

    If by forty, you still believe in the infallibility of your parents, then you hold that idea way beyond its advantages state for you. And by fifty you are still convinced that old people are rigid, growing senile, mentally incompetent and physically deteriorating then you are holding the “old belief” in the ineffectiveness the older generations and giving negative suggestions to yourself to fall into the same mould.

    Similarly, a young mother may believe that her child is even more important than her husband. Initially this is positive as it would help her to pay more attention and protect the child. But if this concept is held on too long as the child grows older it becomes highly restrictive and eventually structured the woman’s entire adult life and make the husband becomes more wayward.

    So ladies examine your core and invincible beliefs (mindsets as many call them). They are valid for certain periods only and you will grow out of many of them. Recognize those “leftover” beliefs and discard them.

    You must realize that any idea you accept as truth is a belief that you hold. You must, then, take the next step and say, “It is not necessarily true, even though I believe it”.

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