Tell me. Do you have an ex or several exs that you do not keep in touch with? Ex as in ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife or someone that has gone deeper in a relationship than those casual, platonic friends?

Surely most of us do. If you are too young to have any exs, just read on. Probably, you may learn a thing or two.

For some mysterious reasons, these encounters are ALWAYS AT THE WRONG TIME! On bad hair days, dressed in pyjamas days or simply, not the right time.

Take for e.g. today’s encounter. My #2 son wanted me to drop him at his friend’s place. So, I drag #3 and toddler along. Dressed in a grey, male, crew cut, Pierre Cardin RM13.90 t-shirt which I usually wear as pyjamas and a pair of jeans, sans make-up, gray hair and all I trudged out with my battalion. Hair also forget to comb.

It is a weekday so I thought it may be nice to bring the younger two boys to Tesco for some Mattel Matchbox toy cars, playground and McDonalds since we are already in the car.

But gosh, of all the people in the world, he has to be there. OMG, I hate bumping into ex. The one that I would have married if he had not been so much of a mama’s boy. The one I ditched in Perhentian Island, 20 years ago! OMG, OMG, what am I to do? I saw him from the corner of my eye but, but, but….

I play blind! I treat McD menu board as the most interesting screen! I dare not turn my head eventhough my toddler is running away. I ordered take-away eventhough we had wanted to eat in.

No way am I going to say ‘Hi’ to an ex when I am looking like I just stepped out of bed! Gosh, what is he thinking?

a) “Mammamia! Thank Kun Yam Pou Sat (Goddess of Mercy) we broke off?”
b) “Awwww, why aren’t we together?”

Hehheh, 5xmom has bigger balls than that. Self-chants. Stand straight, girl. Chest out, tummy in, stand tall. Make him bite his own tongue that he did not get you. Make him envy that his wife only produces two kids for him but my atm gave me four sons *muahahaha* His mom would have so loved me for producing so many heirs. Hey, my atm’s car (and everything else) is bigger than yours. My atm’s career (and everything else) is higher than yours. Go weep, go knock your head on the wall becaused I ditched you, not you ditched me. Nyek, nyek, nyek.

*Chinese opera music (motivating tune) turned into Telenovela Latin Amerika music (seductive tune)* After all the self-motivation, I thought I am going to turn my back and say ‘hi’ in the sexiest voice. (chest jiggles a bit, lips pouting, eyes alluring) I even phrased my opening lines. “Oh hi, J, how are you? Where are you attached to now? What? You are still an ac*****t? What happened to your dreams to make it BIG? Me? Oh, I am a blogger in Malaysia, you dunno meh? You never google chan lilian to find out about me before meh?”

What happen next? To be continue…..when I am in the mood to wax lyrical about exs (hey, don’t mix the three alphabets ok?)