The virgin drunkard

6.30pm – When most housewives would be cooking, waiting in anticipation the homecoming of their beloved husbands who bring the bacon back.

Hic, hic.

Today….Penang Faces will be bringing your spaghetti vongole.

Hic, hic.

I was in the kitchen, with a camera hanging from my neck. Cooking. The recipe calls for a dash of white wine. I have half a bottle left in my fridge.

The whole of today, what I had eaten are :
1 cup coffee
1 tiffin of savvy err sawi la (some green vege)
some leftover kueh chewed but did not swallowed by my toddler
some dark chocolates

At 6.30 pm, I am hungry AND thristy.

So, I gulped down half a mug, yes MUG, mug as in coffee mug of white wine.

I cooked and I started eating. The hub aka atm came home and in a rush to take my #2 son to karate and he to badminton at the YMCA Penang.

They left. All the other kids napping.

And gosh, I am drunk! The clams are crawling out of my mouth. I can feel the spaghetti snaking their way out of my esophagus, into my trachea. Ewwsss…I can imagine tapeworms coming out of my mouth, nostrils and probably ears.

I told myself. I can do anything but I can’t stand vomitting. I can pick up my toddler vomit with my hands. But I can’t bear vomitting myself.

Doctors said to take deep breath when feeling dizzy. So I breathe in and out, imagine the O2 glueing into my brain cells.

I ran into my bedroom with one eye closed. I know if I lie down, the clams and spaghetti will not complain about running away from stomach acid. But…

Toddler stirred from his nap and said,
‘bit milk milk, make milk milk’ (I want a bit of milk, go and make for me.)

So, I had to go to the kitchen, with one eye.

Put 4 ozs of water and need 4 spoonfulls of milk powder.

Count, 1, 2, 2, 4, no, 3, or is it 2, oklah, I think 4

Run back to room and plonked. So there, my first experience of being really, really drunk. Thank goodness, there are no dirty old men to take advantage of me. No more Sauvignon blanc for my cooking and no more gulping wine like juices.

Remember : Don’t drink and cook. You may cause injuries to hundreds of clams.

Earlier post related to this.

12 Replies to “The virgin drunkard”

  1. wahhhh u use Drunken Master Kungfu?!
    I’m gonna fight back with Praying Mantis Kungfu!!
    Hoik Hoik Hoik! zut zut zut zut (mantis’ sound)
    hahahhahaah!

    eh karate what belt d? come fight me!

    Poor toddler must be drinking diluted milk, yerrrrrrr so not nice!

  2. your mom never tell you ah?..never drink on empty stomach. Anyway, your experience sounds just like a hangover. That brings to mind another experience. Never mix wine, whiskey and beer in one tummy. You get something like what you just got. Even worse, your bed can spin.
    I got angmokau friend who drank beer after durians. Ended in hospital. They had to pump out his tummy contents. So, don’t play play with that one.

  3. Testing your content censoring system. When I first typed “it straight go to your head” I got this response: “Your comment was denied for questionable content.”

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