She got very sick and was admitted to the Klang Hospital. She was on ventilator. Paraquat does that. It damages the lungs, gut and practically, all the internal organs. Most people die immediately. Some die painfully. But she was a fighter.
The doctor gave her only 3 days. She sms-ed me the whole time as she can’t talk anymore. My baby was just a few months old then and there was nothing that I can do because he was still relying on my breastmilk. But God must heard my pleas. A few people appeared to help.
She has a daughter whom she loves very, very much. She was 8 years old. She stayed in a Buddhist home.
This lady didn’t want me to tell her daughter. Because it would mean that her mother would know about it. And so would the children shelter home’s monk which she cannot stand. Yeah, she got a very fierce temper (not the monk but her) and very stubborn.
But common sense forced me to phone up the shelter home and tell the home supervisor. They rushed her daugther to see her mom in the hospital. But the lady refused to meet her mom. And her mom, being in her 60s did not want to create any pressure to her dying daughter.
So, the daughter went to visit her mother alone in that few days. Only the child went in. The mother did not. Especially the monk. She told me she was going to pull out all her tubes (self-extubate) if they come close! Each time, I would get some sms about how happy they are. And she dropped the news….
She asked me to take care of her daughter for her. She wants me to take custody. I know she is dying, so I told her not to worry. I wanted her to go in peace. Things will take care of itself later.
That night, a group of people called me up and asked me to go to Klang Hospital to get the paperworks done. They told me that she wants her daughter to be brought up in a Christian home. They even told me that a lawyer will be there.
I did not know what to reply. Early next morning, I rushed to my church and told my priest about it. I told him that this little girl still has a grandma. Though I want to fulfil this dying woman’s wish, I know that the girl is better off with her grandma.
My priest told me to rely on God. Whatever is best, it will be done. And I returned home, plotting something else. I know that only forgiveness will make her die in peace.
After 3 days, she hadn’t die. But she was still very stubborn about not seeing her mom. Somehow or other, a friend staying in Seremban called me and said she is going to Klang Hospital the next morning.
From Seremban, she travelled to Klang. At the hospital, she found the mother at the reception of the ICU, restless. All along, we had known the mother as what she described. All the negative points. But no, it turned out otherwise. The poor old lady was not ready to walk in and make peace with her daughter.
My special friend from Seremban decided to be the middle person. She ‘invited’ the mom to go in with her. And mother and daughter reconciled. With tears. If my friend had not taken that trip to Klang, probably the mother would still hesitate.
That very night itself, she died. The guy friend told me that she died with a smile on her face. I met up with her daughter, mother and the guy last year. She had died for two years. I cannot remember the exact date but I know it is in August.
She had many other things that she wanted to tell the world. But after meeting up with her mother, I know that some things are best left unsaid. Either to her mother or to anyone. There had been too many misunderstandings between her mom and herself.
But I am glad that she died in peace after reconciling with her mom. Her mom had sent her little grand-daughter elsewhere. I do not wish to communicate further because I cannot shoulder their burdens. I can only pray that the little girl will grow up with a loving home one day. Grandma is working for a living and cannot take care of her. Grandma is a strong willed woman who should know what is best for her grand-daughter. Well, I hope. And I pray.
Wherever you are, M, remember to watch over JS. I cannot fulfil that promise, I am sorry. I hope JS’s birthday this year is celebrated in a happy home with a new family. I heard she is now staying with a couple whom are both doctors. I guess your mom knows better. They probably make a better parent than me.
I have faith in Jesus. He will lead JS and watch over her. Rest in peace, girl. Amen.
**To all individuals with mental depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder/manic depression and other mental problems, I pray that you have good people to help you along the way. Suicide is not the answer. May you find someone to help you. As for the rest of us, sometimes, a little smile, a warm touch, a hug, a concern email can and will help someone. **