To the uninitiated, Ah Lian is a nickname for bimbos. No, make that illiterate, slutty, loud-mouth, cheap girls. Oh, shucks, I do not know how to define Ah Lian, ok? For e.g. Kylie Minogue is the Australian version of Ah Lian. (I hate her, so sue me.)
I had been out these few days. Which my son retorted “Hey, it is good that you come out and get stressed due to the traffic jams/meeting Ah Lians/honking at clueless housewives etc etc. Otherwise, your life is too cosy.” *haih*
So, from my observations, these are the stuffs that all Ah Lians must have:
1) Coloured contact lenses. It doesn’t matter that the wrong choice of colour made them look like they have perforated their pupils. (helllooo, pupil means the black portion of your eyes lah, not murid-murid, ok?)
2) Very curly hair, shoulder length. Like maggi mee.
3) Orange coloured hair. No, it is not blonde, stupid.
4) Chihuahua, Pekingnese or Poodle. Damn! Where did these Ah Lians earn their money from? One stupid dog cost between RM800-RM1,700K. And that does not include the stuffs the animal needs. I might as well use the money to bear a human.
5) LV bags. McBai, how come they are so rich wan? I am sure those are not fakes Thailand/China imitations.
6) Huge boobs. Aha, these I can gerenti are fakes.
7) Very curly eyelashes. Another fake.
8) Latest Ah Lian’s fashion. Check out fashionasia.
Includes high boots in gold, silver or black.
9) Smokes slim and lite cigarettes.
10) *Add your own*
Oh well, I guess I can only bitch about it ‘cos I wasn’t smart and hiao enough to be an Ah Lian though my mom had prepared me with a name like Lilian for convenience’s sake.
Ah Lians out there, don’t hate me ok? I do envy the lifestyle all of you lead. Why didn’t I learn to be an Ah Lian last time? Then, I mah no need sit at home and do this miserable thing call blogging lor. I can actually go out with some old men in SLKs and bitch about things with my loud mouth. Instead of typing them with my powderful Engrish.
So, girls out there – learn to be an Ah Lian. But remember to find Ah Long* or Uncle Ho’s** dealers as your boyfriends. Ah Bengs*** are so yesterday.
Ah Long – Loan-sharks
Uncle Ho’s agents – pirated goods dealer
Ah Bengs – Male version of Ah Lian. Tend to spend too much on good looks so mostly poor.
(This is a inspired by the Ah Lians’ party of the year I attended some time back.)