Mom, you look like a roadkill

No. 1 son – Mom, you smell like shit.

No. 2 son – Mom, I am going to pour turpentine and set you on fire.

No. 3 son – Mom!!!!!! You want to kill us izzit?

No. 5 toddler – Mommy pang phui! (farts)

#1 proceed to grab the room freshener and spray.

#2 keeps threatening.

#3 took a towel and wrap his face.

#5 repeatedly mumbles, “hmmmm, mommy smelly lor”

And that, ladies and gentlemen is my RM10 only, DIY hairyfying experience.

After my 5d4nite trip, my hair turned curlier than a Golliwog. (you know what golliwogs are, rite?) No point for me to cut them because it will grow curlier as it grows longer. Hair rebonding are for Ah Lians. (ignore me, I can’t afford to spend that kind of money)

So, yesterday, I took the plunge. I bought Schwarzkopf Glatt Strong Hair straightener cream. All for RM20.90 from Guardian. I dare not experiment yesterday because I have to attend church this morning.

Just now, took out the package and as usual, never read instructions. Proceeded to comb, comb the cream into the hair.

20 minutes later, KNNCCB, on second look it is only needs 10 minutes! 40 minutes is the total process time from application.

Die lar!!!! Ran to toilet and wash off the cream and hallelujah, my hair is as straight as any Ah Lians. Kiss the ground my hairs did not dropped off and left me botak! If I want to go botak, I must at least ask every one to pledge RM10K for me mah.

Now, for the first time in a long, long while, I don’t have to deal with hairs that goes north, south, east, west all at the same time. I don’t have to worry about 60 years old aunties asking me where I got my hair permed because they want that hair style. Woohoo!

The only thing I have to deal with are my kids’ comments like :
Mom, you look like a roadkill. (My reply : I am too sexy for my hair.)

Mom, you look like a witch.

Mom, you look like a maid.

Mom, your hair smells like shit. (have to wait for the peroxide smells to go away)

Next time, when I have more courage (pai seh la), I will show you guys a pic of me when I was 20 yrs old. My sis-in-law told my mom that I look like a prostitute because I permed my hair (my one and only time) then. My 2nd brother laughed till he almost fainted when he mimic her. “Ah Lian (my real name at home) siang kah keh an neh.” (Ah Lian is like a chicken.)

Sheesshh….it really is much easier to go bald.

6 Replies to “Mom, you look like a roadkill”

  1. I ran hair relaxer thru my hair recently to make the growing stage more bearable. I’ve never used Swarz wateva, only wella. Mine’s wiry too, so, take a long time to starighten, sigh. Wait till it’s longer, then i go rebonding, haha

  2. I did straightening once, its a nice experience but expensive and the peroxide smell is simply unbearable. FYI, my original hair aka before straighten is naturally like alleycats hair, stick up damn high as it grows and super difficult to comb.
    I might straighten again but if I know how to DIY that is, saloon is to expensive and girls who see a guy straightening..go eew eww eww…LOL but it was a nice experience and I really loved it.
    So easy to manage, don’t need to wet my hair to comb it, such a pleasure.
    I would like to ask you all one thing, does the hair curl back if you shampoo it after say 2 or 3 days of using the straightener thingy?

  3. Heh Heh, now action lar. Your hair is like those Pantene, SUnsilk TV ad models…. wah, suddenly untie your hair and let loose. Your hair falling on your shoulders and your ATM can run his fingers through them…. lol

    Tomorrow Lillian can afford to go shopping liao!!

  4. helen – CB la, I spoke too soon. After my hair dried and about two hours later, my stupid CB hair turned back to like some poohkey hair kinda texture again. Nothing can tame it. My kids laughed at me like siao oni.

    Dylan – Hohoho, Alleycats style? Ha, out of fashion so looks like you gotta straighten for a long time more. Pray hard that afro is back in fashion and I can join you. We can rear birds in our head.

    Samm – I saw the Wella brand too but opted for Schwarkopf ‘cos it is more difficult to pronounce and spell. Must go hunt for more chemicals to get those damn locks not so curly. At most I killed my hair and then, I can go chop them off.

  5. Haha Lilian!

    I read your post on your curly hair. I too have problems with that….with all the duck tails sticking here and there what more if it was short..and neither long….it really sucks! Even now with long hair…it still sticks around and almost impossible to tame. Like you, I do get strange looks especially when I don’t comb it. Was also mistaken a few times for being a maid! It isn’t easy to keep a curly hair neat. I also bought a hair straightener gel and the heated comb as well. All for the sake of trying to have `straight’ hair. mm…..it was straight and it was not only straight, it was also very dry and it almost looked like the witch’s broom stick! Did make my hair longer (which means sexier….having it touching almost the bossom)but it’s cumbersome having to maintain it that way. So I decided to stick to the curly wavy tails. Be it. Just wash the hair less frequently to have it `oilier’ and the curls just flow beautifully. Haha! Looking like a pros? ..na…I doubt goldie looked like one…..in fact i think the trend now for them is long straight silky hair. You will always look great with curly or straight hair. Regards flowsnow

  6. i hv the same kind of fizzi, curly and wiry hair. i was sort of forced to rebond my hair by my stylist after my confinement since hair has grown longer (no time to cut b4 give birth and boiboi was early).

    the immediate response was like urrghhh hair all like papan! BUT after 2 weeks, i wanna go back to my stylist and give a big hug. i never had silky, shiny and straight hair in my whole entire life. life is great after that, no more spending on extra styling products nor spending hours wid stewpit hairdryer each time b4 stepping out of the house.

    i only rebond my hair once a year kekekeke… money (a lot ok) well spent but hor just gotta make sure the kind of lotion they use to relax yr hair. dun scrimp. this is just my own experience.

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