Get married, grow old and die?

I got a little kpc today and thumbed through some women mags at the mamak stall. Almost every one of those magazines catering for older women have titles like,

“My toy boy husband cheated all my money.”

“My husband’s mistress yadda yadda yadda.”

It is all about unrequited love. A typical problem in most relationships.


I snapped this pic when I was in Perhentian. The photo was taken at Pantai Cahaya Bulan in Kota Bahru, Kelantan (or Pantai Cinta Berahi, Beach of Passionate Love). Aren’t this pak cik and mak cik so contented and fulfiled? *sigh*

Sometimes, some women short sell themselves and got cheated. Sometimes, some women expected too much. Sometimes, I feel like taking a dead fish and slap some women for putting their husbands too high on the pedestal. Sometimes, I feel like shaking some women silly for not appreciating their husbands.

I know, I know. These are none of my business. Of course, usually I never meddle but still, I can afford to think and put my thoughts down on my blog, right?


Look at this mat salleh couple. They were so happy just walking on the beach. They held hands and walk and walk and walk. Who cares about dirty beaches? They have each other. (Sorry hor, my photos and my stories aren’t related.)

I took a look at my sidebar and realised that very soon, I am going to be married to the same man (of course same man la) for 17 years. I knew him for 20 LONG YEARS. Which means, I had lived part of my life with him.

I must say that it is not easy to stay married to the same man (aiks, there I go again) for 17 LONG YEARS. Oh no. If you read what the researchers said, couples whom have critically ill children and bereaved parents have VERY high percentage of divorcing. Well, I can attest to the fact that lengthy critical illness and death of a child certainly put our marriage (and all the other bereaved parents I know) to the most stringent test. I survived, thank God.

And I really find it hard to understand why some couples call it quits at the very first sign of a crack in the relationship. Re-married and divorced couples, no offence please. I do try to understand but sometimes, when I see those children who appeared all lost and disorientated, I do wish to find a solution for them.

One of the thing that I told those parents who are having difficulties in their relationships when their children are critically ill or recently passed away is :

“All you need is to go back and sleep on the same bed. You can always keep to your side and he to his side. With time, hopefully, those feelings will be sorted out. Don’t ever do anything drastic because your life is already so bad, so don’t make it worse. What’s so difficult about sleeping on a same bed?”

Thank God, my crude suggestion did work on two couples. Eventually, the wife learns to expect less from the husband and the husband eventually, realise that all the wife expects is some show of feelings on his side.


How nice if every couple gets to sail into the sunset together. I believe it can be done, with God’s grace. If the relationship is not going right, turn to God.


I uploaded this pic and is meant to dedicate to Mr. and Mrs. B. They just celebrated their 7th wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary and God bless!

So, it concludes ‘Marry, grow old, die together’.

P/S : Divorced and re-married people, please, please don’t take offence with my thoughts, ok? I know it takes a lot more than that to make a marriage works. Sometimes, things just don’t work out. I kena flamed before for writing about staying married, now I am so, so paranoid. Bite fingers and pray did not kena again.

17 thoughts on “Get married, grow old and die?

  1. dont be scared. u got me right on the nose hehehe. i was divorced after being married for 9 yrs. why divorce? because i could not live with a person who controlled my life. not enough $$ must have double income right? also must give chance for wife to have career right? i was not even allowed to visit my parents, and that was my last straw. 2 lil kids then, 5 and 7.

    but i promised myself that i will nvr hurt them anymore. the divorce must have really stressed them out and i could feel their hurt.

    then i remarried (not at random eh, hehe). he was all of what i expected. someone who understands me, loves me for what i am and does not intend to change me one bit. one important thing, he loves my kids!

    can i share my point here? that there is life after divorce should the person chose the ‘D’ word. everyone’s entitled for a 2nd chance and make it work.

    u’re not offensive at all 🙂

  2. Darn, since when they changed the Beach of Passionate Love to Whatchamacallit?? My dad used to take us there every weekend and stay the whole day.When the boats come back, we would have fresh fish to BBQ. Another childhood memory down the toilet

  3. This is both touching and heart warming. Exactly what I need to get through the rest of the day!!! lol

    Marriage broke up mostly because the sanctity of marriage is not observed. It takes 2 to make a marriage works. Anything less will not do…. I guess 2 person can still stay together, but, marriage is not merely 2 individual living together under the same roof, right?

  4. life is tough and we don’t need additional pressure to make it tougher unnecessarily. commitment to each other is of utmost important ingredient in a marriage … that’s what my late MIL say lahhhh . love and $$ needs will fall into place nicely once you put commitment-to-each-other-plus-the-kids first and foremost.
    and yeahhhh for those who chose “D” – there is life after “D”, it is not the end of the world. everyone deserve happiness and no one has any right to impose hurt to others.

  5. it’s a two way thing… both must give AND take, kenot be one sided only.

    wooooo anniversary soon hor, where yr atm bringing u to celebrate? :p

  6. Thanks for the wishes Lilian and Happy 17th Anniversary in advance. IMO, the family unit is under serious attack. For us, if not for the grace of God, there goes…I truly salute couples who keep at it, I would think that they would grew so much personally as with the marriage.

  7. My 7th anniversary coming soon too, but I think hubby didn’t even thought about it since we’re so busy with our daugther’s 1st birthday celebration..

    Aigh.. I too always admire those old couples who still hold hands, they seem to be so happy to be with each other.

    You? Still holding hands with hubby or not? Me? No more, only hold our little girl’s hand. 🙁

  8. divorce…the true victims are the children. even if the parent that end up with the children, work hard to bring them up with so much love and care, complete with a secure home etc. the children grew up normal, excel in school etc. then, the parent can sit back and say, I did my best and all turn up well,but there are invisible scars already crafted in the children’s heart and mind. Perhaps even the children may not realise it. yes, the parent did their best, no doubt and i don’t mean we ought to blame them and forget to be thankful but the point is, before really deciding there’s no way out, think of the children. however, sometime, in certain circumstances, staying together maybe more harmful for the children well-being, then, think again. God meant for marriage to last till we die.

  9. “mythoughts” ..The children ARE also victims in loveless marriages. Sometimes , its better for the children to be divorced than in a marriage in name only. I celebrated my 17 th few months ago.

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