This is turning into a gossip column. But I truly hope we can learn some lesson from someone else misfortune. After all, what good is a misfortune if we do not learn anything from it, right?
Read my previous story on Auntie Long Hair (ALH).
On Tuesday when I was dragging a luggage, carrying a cooler box, bolster and backpacks with both hands and shepherding my toddler with my leg, I thought I saw her. But as I said, I was shepherding a 2 yrs old toddler with my leg so I can’t be really sure as I need eye-leg coordination. You know, using the spare leg to guide him to walk in a straight line and not out into the middle of the road?
We were on our way to KL. In the car, I told one of my son that “I thot I thaw a puddy tat”. It was just a glimpse because by the time I really check if it was her, she had disappeared into thin air (or walked into a road that does NOT lead to her apartment).
Yet, it bothers me. I spooked myself with “What if it is not a person but a spirit that I saw?” You know what I mean? A soul returning to check on her 3 years old daughter?
Imagine when I told her family that I saw her and they told me that she is ‘no longer here’? Then, I will be like the boy in Sixth Sense. So, throughout Tuesday till Friday, I was pretty disturbed. After all, she is a neighbour and her three children are about the same age as mine. It is unusual that she did not come up to me when she saw me lugging the bags and toddler because that’s what she would normally do. Asking about each other and stuffs like that. Instead, she practically disappeared into thin air.
So, when I got back on Friday, I was dying of curiousity. It so happened that my immediate neighbour was around and I asked her. She whispered to me about the bad D word. My immediate neighbour told me that she actually got it out from ALH’s son who mixed with her own son. She also told me that ALH did phone her (or vice versa, I don’t know) and said she left because of her mother-in-law.
Now, this got me pissed. Because no sane woman ought to leave her children just because of a soon-to-expire- mother-in-law. (Don’t get anal ‘cos fact is old people do die, ok?) She had been the full-time mom, caring for her kids. Taking them to tuition, school, kindy, cooking for them and practically lives for them. The 3 yrs old daughter is very clingy to her mom too.
I know this blog is read by a few and two or three are women whom had gone through a divorce. But please let me rant. Hope you agree with my reasons. If not, please forgive my naivety and lack of wisdom. Whack me if you must, but please be gentle ya?
My reasonings why ALH shouldn’t do what she did:
ALH lives in a different apartment unit from her MIL.
ALH never have to do anything because her MIL has her FIL and both are still able-bodied.
It is not like her MIL whacks her with a whip to do the house chores because her MIL has a part-time cleaner.
Her children are still small.
They have a comfortable home, all renovated and nice.
Her husband returns home on the same time each day (ruling out any third parties) and they eat out during weekends, plus doing all other typical family activities.
So, I guessed ALH is just passing the buck to the MIL.
Hate me for saying this but this is how I feel about divorces. Even if I am in an abusive marriage, I would never, ever leave the home which means leaving the children. I had often warned mothers never ‘run away’ when the going gets tough because women are usually on the losing end of a divorce. Your ex-husband can take custody of the children and accuse you of being an unfit mother. Say I am in that vulnerable position, I will probably seek help from every sources I can find. Forget about ‘face water’, forget about everything. Seek help. Michael Chong is da man!
I don’t accept excuses from women who said ‘oh, after so many years and so many kids, I just realised that he is not the man for me’. Pttui! I would say that after so many years and so many kids, you just got too gatal and you needed a new batang to scratch the itch. And if it is the man who cheats, well, it is still not good enough reason for a mother to leave her children. I guess it must be hellish to endure a marriage like that but when small kids are involved, a woman has to sacrifice a lot. That includes eating her own heart.
Well, once upon a time, I garnered enough courage to tell a doctor that if he can takes my life (heart/lung) and give it to my son just so that he can lives, I would gladly do so. What I am saying is – I don’t even mind death just for the sake of my children.
In truth, I always find it hard to not partially blame the women whom got separated. I know this is very, very wrong but so far, I had not been able to take the side of the wives. Well, probably if they have grown children and not leaving them in an empty home, all routine topsy-turvy, then, I find it bearable. But to run off just so that you can find ‘ happiness’, well, that is selfish. And if she does that with another man, I want to give her a bitch slap. Whack her with my wooden clogs or something.
In the end, I really do not know why ALH has to leave. But I hope it is not because of her MIL. And I hope it has nothing to do with the man I saw her with. Please let him be the brother or something. Not what I think. And thank God, I had the decency not to ask ALH’s husband where she was. I am also glad that ALH must had actually tried to escape from facing me last Tuesday. I hope I don’t bumped into her anytime soon because it is just plain silly for a woman with a home, three small children and a husband to throw all that away.
God, bless all the families in difficulties, grant the mothers the patience and wisdom to endure hardships in life so that they can bring up their children in a loving home. Lord, help them to turn to You alone when they seek love. Give us wives and mothers, the sanctification of a holy matrimony, not clouded by infidelity, misunderstandings and most of all, a forgiving nature towards our spouses. Amen!
As I said, to those women whom had separated, please forgive me if you find my views horribly skewed. I know there are millions of single mothers out there. Children do grow up normally with single parents. But there are cases where a little patience on BOTH the couple sides will secure a better and happier future for the children. Arggh…just don’t flame me, ok? I would do anything just for my kids’ sake so I am a bit mean, sometimes.