Rain. I love rain. In fact, I just walked for quite a distance in the heavy rain. My hair was wet but I refused to wash and dry it. Let’s see if I can get a headache. Our mama(s) told us we can get sick if caught in the rain, right?
No, I did not ran out into the rain. Then, walk like those soppy, damn Ah Kua Korean dramas, sobbing and sobbing until some handsome, apek bring an umbrella and shelter me. I was at church and driving home. Too lazy to squeeze my big, fat backside through my Naza Ria driver seat to the car boot to get the umbrella. So, I decided to get down from the car and walk to my aparment.
I learnt from MythBuster that we get the same amount or even less wetter, if we walk instead of run in the rain. They did the experiment and even weighed the amount of water trapped on the clothings. So, the next time you are caught in the rain, just walk briskly. Don’t run or else you get wetter.
That walk in the rain probably washed away a lot of tensions.
Now, about God. I purposely went to church 30 minutes earlier. They had the children choir practice going on. Oh my God, their voices are sooooo melodious. Usually, we sang together and one can’t really hear when we are sitting together. However, I was at another part of the church, in a small room.
I went there to get some holy intervention. Wanted to kneel there in solitude in that amber lighted room, with Jesus and Mother Mary. Flowers and candles. Cosy pew with cushions for the knees. Sometimes, I can really go into deep meditation (in lay person terms) or in Catholic terms, I can sleep in the spirit. I wanted to pray. But no words came out from my mind. Nothing from my heart. Concentrate. Aumm…..Focus, Lilian, focus.
Breath in deeply. Exhale all the bad feelings. Inhale the good parts, exhale the bad parts. But zilch, naught, nada, elek, hampalang tarak. I don’t know, probably, there is nothing I need to pray for. Probably, Jesus said, Shut up, I know how you are feeling. Just stay there and stop demanding things. I am Da Boss, so I know what to do.
So, I guess faith isn’t so much ‘fun’ when I have no big burdens. There are times when things were bad and God is closer to me. And there are times when things are going smoothly and somehow, God become a routine. Just some, thank you God and I really have nothing else to say to You.
However……as I was driving back in the heavy rain, I suddenly realise that I want to be a nun! Yeah, a nun. One day when I do not have so much responsibilities. I think I would enjoy working in some slum areas. Or be there for single, battered women, homeless children, women in prisons, disaster survivors etc. Ok, ok, I am no longer a virgin so I can’t be a nun anymore. But nevertheless, I think that’s what I want to do someday. Leave the material world and venture out with nothing but the mission to serve God.
(lapse of several minutes)
PLEASE TO BLOG
Oh my God, did I really just write the above? Never mind, I just decided that I am going to blog whatever is in my heart. I just look back on my postings from last year and realised that I had been blogging to an audience. I had morphed into ‘blog to please’ instead of ‘please to blog’.