I had written several posts but decided to delete them before I publish it.
First, I wanted to bitch about curly hairs. Then, I remember that two bloggers had recently permed that style. I wanted to bitch about these few women I met at Cold Storage whose hairs look like soggy maggi (instant noodle). But I wouldn’t want Cyber-Red and Lucia to think that I am poking fun at them. So, after let loose the AK47 mouth, I decided to delete my post.
Then, I decided to write some religious stuffs but think I should tone down on going all Yehsou 7 days of the week. I prefer to keep them for weekends.
So, I thought about writing about some silly, sexy, romance quiz. I actually stumbled on the quiz (which is fun) while I was searching for curly hairs images to illustrate my #1 intended post. Then, I decided that it is not safe for me to put the quiz’s result online or else, people are going to decipher that I am getting ‘miang keladi’ (best translated as itchy yam meaning old folks getting horny).
After that, I wanted to write some soppy story related to Vincent and our Christmas tree. But I hate people looking at me with pity.
I hope this is not the demise of my blogging style. I miss my early days of blogging when my mouth and head were bigger. I could slam on my keyboard extremely fast with stuffs that crossed my mind. Click the publish button and no hell break loose.
Now? I had to filter them through the moral police, the religious panel, the sensible parent censorship board, the peace-loving bloggers circle, the muhibbah rakyat (harmonious citizen) ring, the good-neighbour committee and a whole bucket of shits.
Looking back, my traffic is 10 times the traffic of those bloggers who started along with me. I do enjoy the attention. And the adsense. I would be a damn hypocrite if I say that I don’t care about these. But sometimes, I wish I can just shoot without thinking. I wish I can have a bigger mouth and louder voice.
But that is not to be. I have to face people I know who reads my blog. I owe it to them that real image vs. real blogger. I can’t be the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of a KNNMCB kinda blogger and the proper and prim Lilian. I don’t give a damn to comments from people I don’t know. They can call me any names. One even said I am worse than Xiaxue! (I am so flattered!) However, I wouldn’t want to explain to real people my alter ego.
So, from here on, I shall tame the KNNMCBPKM 5xmom and be the real Lilian.
Someone please pass me a rope. Or paraquatte (pronounce like latte). I sendiri ISA myself.