Fengshui craps from Lilian too

Kill me, I can’t resist. My hands are itchy. I wanted to spend time at a nailbar but wtf? Manicure costs RM30, pedicure costs RM35, each nail art costs RM6 per finger nail. Calculate with fingers, toes and thumbs, that will be like RM200!

So, go die ler, I better spend my time crapping and earn USD3 cents instead. And I can easily use the time meant for nailbars to massage my atm and give him foot reflexology. It is the easiet way to get his money kaching-kaching-kaching to get me more pairs of shoes ( I have four new pairs now!), beads and baubles and more clothes.

I wrote Advices from Lilian too for Year of the Cock. Go see my advices true anot?

Year 2006 is the year of the dog. It starts on January 29th 2006.

First, all the dragons sekalian, stay away from dogs this year. Watch out for rabid dogs because dogs hate dragons. If you have a dog boss or spouse, you have to grind your teeth for the whole year. Remember, don’t breath fire because this year dog is damn pahwer-fool. In Chinese folklore, only the dog can shoot (arrow) and kill the dragon.

Dog is good for warming up the body. My mom told me her grandma in China ate dogs and cats to keep warm. So, if you are prone to cold, do find your neighbourhood dogs and make bak-kut-teh with them. Don’t know the recipe, just ask me la. I guarantee you that you can’t find anything on Google about ‘how to cook a dog’.

Remember, hot-dogs are not counted, ok? It must be real dog with four legs and hairs.

My crystal ball also told me that the most auspicious way to get babies is to imitate dog. No, I am not asking you to bark like a dog, not letter b, ok?

Bitches rule this year. So, good luck to all the hen-pecked husbands, male employees and suffering boyfriends.

Last time, long, long ago, I used to go to temple and buy a set of paper stuffs. Then, this old man will hit them with his wooden clogs and say something like ‘die, devil, die’ and all my adversaries are supposed to be squashed ( kill the little ‘siew jin’ – little bad spirits/iblis). A little bit like voodoo, no? On top of that, you can buy another set of paper stuffs and ‘elevate’ your good luck. You can also feed the tiger with a piece of lard and egg. Those were the days.

Thank God! Praise the Lord. Those were the days….