Why you so ‘ho mia’?

Ho mia is Hokkien for good life.

*Caution – Normal post that turns in The Hulk.

I had been asked this question many times over the MSN. Some of the bloggers can catch me online even as late as 2am. So, they always ask the same question – No need to sleep ah?

So, let me explain once and for all.

My toddler lurves to sleep. He can sleep from 11 or 12 midnight for straight 12 hours. That is until noon.

I don’t practice sending little kids to bed at 8 pm. Helllooo….that happens only in Enid Blyton stories. And in those part of the English countries, the sun went down at 5 pm.

Now, my atm only got home at 7 pm. My toddler needs to spend time male bonding, so that means he will need the maximum number of hours to stay awake. So, they happy-happy bond from 7 pm till 11 pm lor.

Toddler has this funny habit. He must have his father with him when going to sleep. And in the morning, he will sense if I am still sleeping. If I wake up earlier and leave the room, he will immediately wake up. I cannot allow him to wake up early because he will be grouchy later in the day. He cannot take afternoon naps because he need male bonding (again!) with his brothers who returned from school around 2-3 pm.

Which means – in simple explanation, I have to sacrifice like all good mothers do. I have to sacrifice by sleeping at 3 am so that I can snooozzzzze until 11 am. If I sleep at midnight, I will wake up at 9 am. And my poor, poor toddler will be alone and not getting enough sleep lor. Geddit?

Argggh….but how the hell am I going to explain to this relative who comes to my house quite often at 9 am in the morning. And opened my bedroom door to check if I am awake. Every single time she was here, my backside was upturned! And I did not know until much later. Yeah, I tidur mati. The house door is opened because her daughter is here to clean house for me. She is not my mother-in-law but bossier than my MIL.

This morning trip is to find out when we (the male heirs) want to do their parents Ching Ming. I had freaking no idea and told her before. My husband had contact his brother from outstation. When that brother wants to come back to Penang, I have NO freaking idea. It depends on that big brother when he can afford time. Why don’t you girls (the female heirs) just carry on with your own in-laws Ching Ming and not try to get us male heirs to schedule ours so early that the grass is taller than us, the grave can’t be seen, the snakes still monopolise the hills? There are freaking four of you female heirs so how are we going to fit in YOUR schedules?

Tiu la, now my blood also boil liao. From the day since I marry until now, i.e. 17 years, I have to endure this pressure from them. Every damn effing year, they will pushing me to do it early-early. I kena farking cook like siao every farking year (until after my son passed away and I dun give a farking care to old, old graves and Ching Ming anymore). I don’t mind Ching Ming. I love the idea of remembering our ancestors. But I farking hate it when these four daughters are fighting to join them every year and insist we do it on certain days just so that they can come and claim ‘part of the prosperity’. I even have to be dictated by the kind of fruits I offer. I cannot offer pear because ‘pear’ rhymes with raking in Hokkien. It will appear like the sons are raking in the riches. Tius. I blardy love pears, ok? Packham pears to be exact.

And each year, the whole hill wasn’t even prepared for Ching Ming yet because it was blardy too early! My late MIL had told me before, she gave me the high authority – Don’t bother to accomodate them! In her own words, “For Ching Ming, only the sons matter because the daughters have been married out.”

It’s is fine being filial. But it is not fine when the person thinks that every damn bad luck that befell on them is probably caused by hungry ancestors.

*punch bolster, bite blanket

Lucky thing that I don’t sleep in my birthday suit. I am always rolled up in the blanket with only a tuff of my hair visible.

When my atm gets home, I am going to get him to call that brother of his and get the date confirm soonest. I can’t have people peeking into my bedroom and wondering why in the world I sleep till 11am. Anyway, wtf can I do by waking up early? Sing with the birds? Surf p0rnsites? Tius la. I am so old already, I don’t have to blardy explain to anyone. But still damn beh song to kena peek like that mah.

Anyway…..Ching Ming falls on the same date every year, around 4th or 5th of April. And we can do the Ching Ming thing, 10 days in advance and 10 days before. I pray that I got some good excuse to be excused again this year. I had never gone up to the hills since Vincent was born and died. There isn’t any meaning for me to do that. And in case you wonder why I am so angsty, it is because it is not only one single grave. It is great grandparents, grandparents, bachelor uncle and my parents-in-law graves, in all the four corners of Penang, within the same morning, in order of their seniority. And only my poor atm and my sons go to these graves but the whole bunch of his siblings waiting at my parents-in-law’s grave.

I have no part in influencing my older kids whether they want to join their father trudging through the graves. But tell me lah, which teenagers like to wake up at 5am and do this? That’s why sons told me they are going to feed me to the fishes! Environmental friendly, save Mother’s Earth and conserve land.

I hope this is my last ranting on the inner struggles I faced being the only Catholic Christian in a family with 8 siblings in-law. I really really hope one fine day, I can go up the hills and sing ‘Amazing Grace’ ala Andrea Bocelli. But ermm…maybe not. The ghosts may not like my voice.

19 Replies to “Why you so ‘ho mia’?”

  1. I only went for Qin Ming twice in my life, my mom won’t be bother to let my bro and I go anyway. Only my dad represents. BTW, just lock your bedroom door, put a “Don’t disturb, bosy body” sign at the knob for them to read. If they can’t read english, translate in chinese.

  2. u wake up @ 11 so who prepares breakfast for kids & send them to school? ur atm kah?

    btw, i used to loved going ching ming when i was little, wake up at ungodly hours, fighting thru the congested road to get to the hill, cleaning up the grave, burning incense & offerings..hou wan! hou wan! but now probably i’ll make all sort of excuses to get out of it! hahaha!

  3. Wow.. 11am. I don’t hv that pleasure. I wish I did. My kids are jumping like beans at 6.30am already! Then again, No. 1 sleeps at 7pm, No.2 (even better) 5.30pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. I never really been to a Ching Ming mountain climbing expedition before.. lol Don’t know blessed or what! lol

    The hypocrisy is, those graveyards are in a deploring ,pathetic state. Only once a year, the mgt did some lalang clearing. SOme, just burned the lalang…. and the tombstone also kena… black black. lol

  5. helen – I can withstand everything but my 4 SILS hor made me wanna scream. They will take that pineapple we offered, slice it at the grave and eat it for ‘ong lai’. Then, they will distribute the huat kueh (the pinkish kueh) and make sure each of them get a portion to take home. And if my dear hubby bought a roasted pig, they will chopped everything and give me only the bones. Tius, semua hampalang also must get a portion. And then hor, if they buy the paperparaphenalia hor, they will separate into two paper boxes. From the daughters, big box, from the sons, smaller one, major tius. Cibai ler, after all you are all giving to your parents, why must separate sons and daughters. Did you read how they shifted their parents’ tombstone to favour the female side?

  6. I used to love CM cos that’s when my mum cook good food and I get to share with the ghosts…hehe 🙂 Auntie, u are damn hor mia cos yr kids can sleep til noon. U should blog on how to train toddlers to be able to sleep for 12hrs straight. Many mums will be very thankful to u lor. veli hor mia, veli hor mia.

  7. Your SIL(ai)S too gao tiu lan kiasu. No disrespect to the dead but think what? Ghost going to come drop gold in their laps ah? KNN. I still don’t get how people can so kumlun one.

  8. i laughed out loud whn u sed kids going to bed at 8pm happens only in enid blyton… my sentiments exactly!

    secondly, my deepest sympathies 2u for having to face the 4 SILs…sounds like a bunch of 200%, pure, authentic CCBs. they must see ur atm so hoe-sei and the devils ma take the max advantage la…and atm being a man, will most prolly keep quiet abt ur laments?

  9. sooi2 – But seriously hor, got women who followed the angmoh’s ‘Idiot guide to parenting idiots’ and try putting their kids to bed early. Then whine and whine about the chore of not being able to put them to sleep. That SILs are nightmares, I tell you. Especially when I was newly married, they wanted to run my life. But usually I don’t discuss with atm cos waste breath. Prefer to wash dirty laundry in public, more kick. Hehehe. Got one of them hor, the grandchild got a lump in the neck and they feared it is cancer even without seeking a doc’s advice. They said doctor cannot cure cancer, medium can make it disappear. So they took the kid to see medium until the kid almost died because it was just a blardy infected pus, bisul! The surgeon told them if delay further, his blood cud be contaminated. Tius, talk about them only I naik api.

    gbyeow – That’s the ugly Chinese rearing the heads. Even if they pray to ancestors, they expect returns. Like during funerals, the undertaker will conduct prayers that go something like ‘pai mee koo, beh hui koo’ (offer the pinkish round bread type of kueh, buy properties), and dunno pray what, get jewelleries.

    Prometeuz – My toddler very special wan ler. He sleeps 12 hours and must have two meals of rice per day. I don’t have to worry about picky eaters also. He lives up to his name – Gift of God. 🙂

    mott – Aiyor, sleeps so early ah? Which means you got a whole night all to yourself. A plus point also. I only get that freaky midnight hours to myself. Must clean up dinner leftovers and stuffs and then, yeah, it is blogging and net.

    wuching – My kids so old liao, independent la. And my atm has to wake up for work so save me my beauty sleep lor.

    shopping mum – Aiyor, sometimes on weekend hor, all four came to my house and that hour is when my atm is away for badminton. He sure kena black face on those days. LOL. But now they know how hostile I can be when they dropped in unannounce so their visits are lesser. I put my face to my PC and read and comment blogs, do like I am very busy likedat.

  10. yes auntie! more posts abt ur CCBSILs!! let the bloggers n blogitors all sama-sama “poo-huei” with u!! after a few months of poo huei-ing, all the posts can compile together to make a soap opera!

  11. Can post your SIL pictures anot? I want to put them on my dart board. LOL
    Oh, don’t forget the webcam in your bedroom too. I want to see your upturned butt. LOL

  12. Cocka – Tks for the help in letting off my steam. But cannnnot….they are after all, blood relations. I am only good in ranting but damn chicken in saying anything.

    sooi2 – Got one more. I can understand Hakka but they dunno. So, amongst the few of them, they bitch in Hakka! kahakahkah. Last time hor, they said dunno I got feed their brother proper home cooked food or not, why he so skinnny. But in actual situation, normally kena tahan them la. What to do….Only meet a few times a year.

  13. Actually ah.. Thank you for ranting about InLaws. I honestly don’t know how you maintain your sanity. My blood always boiling whenever the ILs are around.

  14. Whoa came by to say hello and found the blog post that ate Cincinnatti. Thanks for visiting my blog.

    At first I kind of sit on top or my righteous throne and think, make the kiddo go to bed early. But wow, you got such good reasoning and logic. Don’t change a thing. What you might consider is one of those super soaker waterguns. That way when SIL come by and wanna wake you up early, you can show them how you really feel.

    Would not stand for busybody come in my house and question how I do things. Next time you go to their house, rearrange the furniture and see what they thing.

    Good luck and thanks once more.

  15. Sing, cuss, rant….Whatever! Do it to your heart’s content.

    btw, in the middle of the night, no one asked you…Silai, why are u still awake? No need to go look after the children and please your husband ah?
    LOL

  16. king’s wife – ‘Cos all the people on my MSN all clever-clever, not like some dim-witted, balless, morons who probably had been denied off a proper childhood and thinks it is ok to slam mothers for entertainment’s sake and washing their own mother’s dirty laundry in public by blogging how bad the kids she brought up.

    foodcrazee – Hai I know la but this wan I dun get it. Anyway, since I last posted, I had got another phone call (roll eyes), twist my poor atm’s arm to get the date and yet, still have to fix it myself.

    SCB – Wah, you lucky wei. I kena tanggung hampalang ‘tai soh’ duties ‘cos the other DILs smart and never care about the old lady when she was around. MIL trusted me with all the chores which I willingly took over until I jump ship to Christianity recently. I am the youngest DIL.

    simple_american – It has been a pleasure reading your version of the Lin Dynasty. To think that it has gone to Italy with LB and then to USA and to Mother Superior, which I believe is in Singapore? An international thriller suspense indeed.

    Psstt…King’s wife – It has gone so international that some people dare not take the challenge and sour grape it instead! Do you know that fishtail (Chapter 15, I think) had written several books (do check out his book on Mother In Law-Daughter In Law).

    mott – I think it comes with age. Last time when I was younger, it was hellish. Now, I just mind my own business and grin through everything. They are old enough to be my MILs which make it very, very hard to connect.

  17. 5xmom ah…I’m just curious hoh…After reading your blog for so long ah, I still don’t understand why you converted lo. You have mentioned countless times that you are a buddhist converted to catholic after the death of Vincent….
    But my question is…Why? what happened at that period of the transition? Do you not like buddha’s teachings anymore? Have you stopped beliving in him because he took away a person dearest to you?
    Just a curious young girl in search of answers about “religions” 🙂

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