Thristing for sunset

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Giving Mother Nature a little help in painting the sky orange. Just take a so-so looking sunset pic, saturate the colour and add colour filter. All this done with Picasa2.

Sunset is the most glorious moment of the day. Fark Lillian Too for saying that it is bad fengshui to put sunset painting in the house because it denotes the end of the day. Lilian Chan says that sunset is best. Because each sunset is different. It is like some great artist letting out his creativity. Sometimes, he pour the same colour paint but of different tones. Sometimes, he uses orange, blue, pink and purple. At times, it is soft and fluffy. Other times, it is bold and striking. Moreover, Lilian Chan says who in the world is stupid enough to forego sleep to wake up to see sunrise? Sunrise is too tame, the colour is too dull.

Sunset is best-er. After watching sunset with your gf/bf, you can proceed to more lomantik things, isn’t it? If sunrise, it means, eat breakfast. Boring, no?

I am thirsting for a little sunset. Maybe we will find the time to go to a little beach tomorrow and watch the sun goes down.

Actually, I wanted to write something that bothers me greatly. My friend from my 2nd job, back in the legal firm where I worked before, came sobbing to me yesterday. She found that her daugther has some shocking secret. And she is shocked that what she told me did not surprise me.

I don’t know, I think my friend is a little out of touch with her daughter. My friend has a daughter who is 19 years old. And another two sons. One of the son has ADHD. So, if you have a problem child, sometimes the parent focussed too much on the problem. Then again, if I say this to her, she may say that I am being sourgrape. She is richer, her house is a semi-D, her kids have all the gadgets that I will never pamper my kids with, she keeps herself trim and fit and her kids go to proper school with tuition, extra classes, learning tennis yadda yadda.

I don’t know. I suspect that sometimes God built me to be Aunt Agony. I was at mass yesterday and one word from the hymn screamed out at me. ‘Pardon me for closing my heart to others needs’. And I felt terribly guilty because indeed, lately I enjoy running away from people’s problems. I need a break, dude. If I keep hearing of people’s babies sufferings in the hospitals, people babies dying and stuffs like these, I will grow more wrinkles and white hairs. So, on the pew, I try to find the old me again.

And shite, by the time I got home, Sandy called me. She discovered her daugther had been cutting herself. I had heard and seen stuffs like these on the CSI and the internet. It doesn’t shock nor sadden me. What can I say? I told her it is an illness that needs some expert counselling. Sandy is not the religious type so I have inclination to tell her to turn to the Lord. I can’t offer her the promise that mother’s prayers is the strongest and most powerful. We mothers can surrender the care of our kids to the Lord. We can hope for Jesus to guide them. But nope, I told her I will get her something to read.

Meantime, don’t cause more stress to the pampered but unappreciative daughter (of course not spoken in these words but something gentler). After all, she is 19 years old. It is a little too late to try to control her. A sudden increase in attention from the mom is not going to be spelt as the love and attention that her daughter is craving. Shucks, she may even went a step further and kill herself. And though Sandy is those colourful, trim woman, her daughter is not. Probably due to a eating disorder. Hell, I tell you, I don’t want a mom like Sandy. And lucky, I don’t have daughters or else the problem will probably makes me paranoid too.

I found these few sites, print the stuffs for Sandy, will pass to her later and the rest? It is her problem. Sandy is not computer literate, btw.

If you haven’t heard of self mutilation, it means a person with a tendency to cut, scratch, pinch the self to inflict pain on herself.

the person seeking treatment is usually from a middle to upper class background, of average to high intelligence, and has low self-esteem.

The behaviors often last 5-10 years but can persist much longer without appropriate treatment.

Self-injurers commonly report they feel empty inside, over or under stimulated, unable to express their feelings, lonely, not understood by others and fearful of intimate relationships and adult responsibilities.

Other theorists see self-mutilation as rage against the self. Self-mutilation has also been described as a mechanism to deal with sexual conflict.

source from here and here

What can I say? Parenting doesn’t mean pampering the kids, it is a lot more deeper than that. And folks, what do you think of this condition?

12 Replies to “Thristing for sunset”

  1. It might sound like a lame advice, but the way to approach the problem besides of reading up on the issue and stuff, is through her friends.. maybe can talk to her friends around to find out more about the situation in the subtlest way possible, who knows she might have a close confidante whom she often confides in about her insecurities.. she’s only 19, girls being girls like to have deep talk about emotions sumtimes, provided she’s not a loner. She needs emotional support.. a lot of it, to move on.

    Umm.. that’s wut I think neway, since I’m only 22 year old n duno mch.. don’t mind me crap a lot here.

    To hell with Lillian Too.. I loved sunset. Period.

  2. Kak lilian,
    I have watched some documentaries about self mutilating on tv, involving kids over here. And it is sad, because these kids do this because it is empowering. To them, this is the thing that they could control, and a lot of them (like ur friend’s daughter) do this to get attention from their parents, especially.
    And, watch out another unhealthy phenomenon: worshipping stick thin famous people, inspiring to be unhealthily stick thin. They even have websites (for the life of me I could not remember) where they would rally each other to lose more weight. Sad kan? I am not saying that because i am big, but because anyone who’s health conscious would know that depriving body of sustenance would do more harm than good. Just my two cents worth

  3. Sunsets! really love them, like you said, spectacular.
    Ouch, I think she needs more than friend/peers/family support. Pain is no longer a fear, she needs professional help.

  4. Parenting is definitely much deeper than that.. and it starts even before a child is conceive and I believe there is never an end. There is no one expert that is able to teach us to be a parent but I personally believe our own child is out best teacher. Perhaps the one thing to do for ur friend could be to start communicating….. mainly not talking but be there to listen to the child when she is ready to talk and she knows there is someone who is willing to listen.

  5. Ditto Butt’s comment; I love sunsets and don’t really care for what L Too says about sunsets (or anything else). I also generally agree with what maRLinda says about kids cutting themselves to get attention. I personally know 2 college age kids doing that already, and both come from dysfunctional families, so their parents have a lot to do with it. Not just the kids, the parents need counseling too.

  6. Sunsets , sunrise, rain or shine, I love them all. Have always been a nature lover.
    I saw a documentary over singapore TV a few weeks ago on this self mutilation issue. Some of them who partake out of peer pressure when they long for the need to be accepted into like-minded circle of friends.
    Even after counselling, there were cases of relapse after many years especially when the individual is under tremendous stress or such. Its a kind of disorder.
    …..Just like you, Lilian ….secretly like to be spanked with a paddle. Muahahahhaaaa!!!!

  7. Cocka = You wanna get smack too? 😉 Re the mutilation, scary isn’t it? It cud happen to our kids too, hor, if we don’t work hard to keep in touch.

    fishtail – Sadly, parents don’t always see it as their fault. And with the internet, they have what I was told, ‘justification by fallacy’, i.e. each leading the other on, making it a glam thing. I read this thing is epidemic, i.e. one follow another.

    A mum – Thanks for your advices. I see what I can tell my friend.

    fantasyflier – Over here, seeing a shrink is costly and not many are open to it. I have someone who has panic attacks and found the doc’s fee to high, she can’t take the meds given to her and haih…it is another long battle.

    muteaudio – Thanks! Memang niat nak pergi besok ke lusa ke. Definitely going to try the Laksa Janggus.

    maRLinda – The world is changing, the challenges we face is different from our mom’s time ya? They also have group suicides now. Haih…apalah nak jadi dengan anak kita di masa depan ya?

    butt – Not at all! I appreciate your feedbacks so that we older gen. can learn and know how to manage better. It is a long road and I hope my friend and her daughter can solve it. Thanks ya!

  8. Honestly, if the daughter hasn’t been talking to her mother, she’s not going to start now. And imho, don’t go talk to her friends without her knowledge, it’s intrusion of privacy and not advisable.
    My advice is to seek professional help, if she can afford all the gadgets and a semi-d in penang, I’m sure she can afford professional help right?

    Sunsets are the best, my house faces the sunset and I watch it at every chance I get. =) The sky is usuallly pink here, just beautiful…

  9. I know this comment is a bit late.

    The daughter has to see a counsellor/ psychologist (depending on what you could afford) before it gets worse. Of course emotional support is important but the mum has to be patient enough. For even though all that she wanted is attention, she might not open up to her mum that easily. Not that because she doesn’t want to be loved, but she would be afraid if she opens up, she may find herself getting abandoned again. Also quite a number of years already right? Her friends are of course another helpful option lah. But the mum should take note that the daughter might feel humiliated if her ‘cutting actions’ are exposed as well. This would cause another resentment. Of course, this is only my perspective.

    The daughter a bit extreme d, but still could be saved. This sort of prob does not happen to only to ADHD families. My cousin had the middle child syndrome. Since I babysat her, I knew what she was going through. It’s a bit similiar, no?

    Parenting is a big deal. My family was always strict. Now that I’m older, I see the truth. At the end of the day, I guess what everyone wants is to be loved.

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