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You can still look sexy in the underworld!

I got a little over adventurous and got a high from chewing betel leaves. Lucky I did not end up with stained teeth or I would need to invest in one of those celebrity sexy smile products to get my teeth whitened. No shit, I actually bought one from the Indian restaurant I went to. Take a look at what goes into the betel leave package here.

So, I took the bold step and went to my in-law joss-sticks shop. I used to be their best customer but after I converted, one of them doesn’t seem too please to see me. I do understand their feelings ‘cos I jumped ship and yeah, one less prosperous customer to patronise their shop. She even pretend not to see me at weddings. Hoi, I am your auntie, ok? I am still your auntie, ok. I didn’t become invisible overnight ok. At least smile at me when I smile at you. Ish…

But I saw something and I must, must, must get down from the car (eventhough I had wanted to wait in the car). I took my camera and innocently nudge my dear atm. ‘Teh’ a bit and tell him, ‘puhleeesss lor….for my travel blog. I want to promote our Chinese culture’. I won’t dare to take photos in the shop but atm is different, he went around ‘thiak, thiak, thiak’ at every item.

Hah! Luck is on my side and a Caucasian couple stopped at their shop, very fascinated. So, what else….I played tourist guide, explaining to them the significance of the paper stuffs. I will write a serious post on my MalaysiaBest site.

But meantime, take a lookie at the stuffs you can use in the underworld…..

Tadaaaaa…..

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Lingerie….they are a bit off season but I bet it is still sexier than the little red cloth. You get underwire bra support too. You have a choice of pink or blue. Free size.

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They also have SK-II! But I prefer this set of powder. So classic! Hazeline snow too. Hmm…sexy and now smelling nice.

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After putting all the powder and stuffs, one needs some blue eyeshadow and lipstick, right? I wonder if those lipsticks turn all the females souls into hotties celebrity sexy lips and eyes like Rihanna?

So, watch out for anyone wearing blue eye shadow, blue underwear and bras and smell of Hazeline snow…….’Cos she is probably searching for a male partner…..

(Just so some cynic wants to know, yeah, I bought a packet of confetti for my kids. The least my Catholic kids can do for their grandparents, great-grandparents and great-great grandparents this Saturday and Sunday is to be there, throw the confetti like the Fourth of July and yeah, we will bring a bunch of flowers and say a little prayer to the Lord Jesus Christ to grant a place for them in His Heavenly Kingdom, where it is like Club Med with food, shelther and clothings provided. Confetti is made from those shiny papers and I think it is going to be fun for the kids.)




32 Responses to “You can still look sexy in the underworld!”

  1. I have always been fascinated at the things one can find in a joss-sticks shop 😀

    I wonder whether they have the underworld version of Nokia handphones?

  2. I am sure there are a lot of other funny stuff. I remember I used to giggle at every “imitation” stuff I see and my Mum and I will laugh together, kakkaka =)

    But the saddest thing is to see parents coming to the shop to buy school bags and stationery.. Sooo soo sad *sob*

    Celestine: They not only have NOKIA, I think they have SONY ERICSON, MOTOROLA and what-nots. I know because my Grandpa has a shop that sells “paper stuff” too =)

  3. I would have never expected to find those things in a Joss Stick shop. haha Very eye opening if you will pardon the pun.

    But your latest posts really has me worried about my FIL and MIL as they are so up in age. Almost all thier kids are Christians except for #1 son who is Buddhist as are they. I always try to give the gospel to my FIL, and just when I think I am getting him motivated to listen somebody or something will kill my evangelizing.

    This summer I travel with him for a week on an Alaskan cruise and I hope to speak the gospel with him without interruption. Any tips that helped move you from you old following. I just seek some leeway so that I may be more effective. Hoping that I can convert him and he will then be motivated to help mommy who only speaks Cantonese. So I am useless for her.

  4. I’ve seen dvd players & even ASTRO decorders + remote controls + the recievers…dun think my great-grandparents would know how to use them even if a manual is provided.

  5. I saw laptop and cheque book some more. :p

  6. Amelia – Hahaha, don’t worry, burn a servant who is trained. There are digital cameras and they come with battery charger and batteries included. So amusing.

    SA – Hahaha, I wish I know how to evangelise too ‘cos I have 90% relatives who are not Christians. And I secretly heard that they are betting if my hubby will ever get evangelised by me. I think it is pretty touchy issue to talk to the elder, especially Chinese. Tread carefully ‘cos old folks hate being reminded that they are not immortal. The hate the mention of death so don’t ever bring up Heaven is waiting or else you may end up in the Alaskan seas. LOL. Sorry that I am not much help. But let’s pray together that they will find the light. 🙂

    Pelf – Yeah, it is really cute. Last time, my kids used to buy wok and pots for my mom. I told them grandma doesn’t want to cook anymore and had servants to serve her. But who can resist those stuffs, right? Yeah, they have little mickey mouse baby shoes and t-shirts. Maybe I will blog that in another post. It is one reason why I am glad that I am a Christian. My trip there affirmed my faith in God ‘cos I don’t want to be burdened with providing for my Vincent. It is really *sobbssss to see all those kids stuffs like chocolates and candies.

    Celestine – Hahaha, they have everything and anything you can think off. Watch out for the exotic foods and XO which I will post in MalaysiaBest next few days.

  7. Bryan – International passport and torch light. My sister-in-law packed a torch light for my father-in-law. So cute. Batteries included. Eveready brand. And a new passport, need to renew every year mah.

  8. One thing I like about the catholics is their acceptance to others religion’s way of showing respect to their deceased.
    I once asked a priest if its ok for a catholic to hold joss-sticks during taoist funerals and he said yes. “If that’s the kind of respect the deceased acknowledge, by all means go ahead.”

    Sadly so, I’ve seen friends and my own family members who embraced other denominations refused to join in the prayers or hold joss sticks even at their parents funeral. I just wonder if their denomination teaches respect to the elders!

    So Lilian, I’m glad that you go for your cheng ming with no holds bar.

  9. Wah send all these they’ll throw back lor– No Prada, Chanel , Dior and Versace etc???
    After we got married my hubby and I went back to Penang to pay respects to my grammy (In the columbarium in Ayer Itam) we only brought flowers but the ” neighbour”s relatives got so many dishes.. I was drooling ( not seen for so many years mah)

  10. I remember when my grandpa passed away, we burnt maids for him also. Then some people said we must ask “god” about his condition in the underworld. Or else, the underworld will keep the stuff we burnt to him in a vault and never release for him to use. Don’t know how true is that? But we burnt quite a number of things, hoping that grandpa will have a great life there.

  11. auntie,
    do the sell manties? i want them for my father! hahaha….

    according to confucious’s taachings, chin meng has no religiuos bearings. it is only a way to remember our roots, “zuo ren bu hou wang pen”.

    it’s only after unscrupulous businessmen started exploiting this day that it has become what it is today. just like valentine’s day.

    i think it’s perfectly fine if we just bring flowers on that day. but i do make it a point to bring all my children so that they will know where they came from originally.

  12. HAHAHAHAHA.. I dun believe it!!!

    Last time (even before I convert) i used to snigger when I saw VCD/DVD players complete with porn tapes…. (they paste sexy suggestive pics on the make-believe tapes lar).. I last thing I expected now are those sexy lingerie!! LOL

    It’s indeed reassuring to know your great grandma is wearing the latest Victoria Secret piece in the after world….. Maybe next time she’ll ask the medium to convey her desire for some garter belts….

  13. what about condoms? do they have condoms for hell one?

  14. Cocka,

    “I just wonder if their denomination teaches respect to the elders!…”

    They do.. It’s just that Christianity believes that love and respect to elders should be practiced while your love ones are still alive. There is no point in showing respect to the dead when they are 6 ft under!

    ** quickly runs off before Cocka pecks me ** LOL

  15. simple american, fyi a real BUDDHIST does not practice what had been described by Lilian in this post and the previous post. These rituals are practiced by TAOIST, which is actually an altogether different faith.

    cocka, i echo ur sentiments too.

    I think lin peh wud oso be interested to knw if they have condoms in underworld…he wud be happy to knw dat he wont be jobless there! LOL

  16. And “KANILU” is hair dyes name for hair dyes. ROFL. Next they will come out with UDSL (Underworld DSL ) packages. Next level : WiMAX transmission tower and WiMAX transceiver

    Sooi2 : FYI, burnnig paper stuff is not authentic Taoist practice. “HELL” does not exist in Taoist practice. In fact, hell is a term that exist during sixteen kingdom(303-439). The misunderstanding is similar to Commercialist version of Christmas.

  17. moo_t: guilty as charged! LOL. come to think of it i doubt if Lao Zi personally encouraged burning of paper lingeries and handphones!! So does that mean burning paper stuffs (and joss sticks?) are purely cultural practice, not religion? on the same par as how christmas tree + santa claus are to christmas and chocolates + roses are to valentine’s day?

    auntie, i’ve a suggestion for ur 7th blog: religion 😉

  18. Sooi – Yayaya, I start the Ibu Pen religion (as oppose to Ayah Pin).

    moo_ t – Glad you notice that Kani lu! LOL, what a name. This practice is more dramatic here in Penang than other states. And usually, the Cantonese are less superstituos, sticking to a simpler ceremony. As for my own parents, heck, it was more of a gathering. However, my errmm Hakka relations are the super kiasu, super showy one so that’s why I am terribly stressed whenever I am near them.

    Ahh.the agony. I wanted to run wild in the shop laughing at the stuffs. Got Oh Kau there and I thot of Ahpek. LOL. But I dare not or else they think I am laughing at their practice.

    sooi2- Condoms. I hope so cos they don’t need to breed more there or it will be too overcrowded. Then, they have to come to earth and kacau us for food.

    helen – That said, there are some Chirstians who can run down people flat with their comments. That’s why there are so many unbelievers because when they remember and honour their ancestors, the Christians said you are all worshipping a piece of stone, setan, etc.

    wuching – You must remember this next year and sell it. Sure sells ‘cos every good, filial granchild will wanna grandpa has protection if he is going to have so many nubile maids in the house, serving him.

    helen – Sometimes, I wonder if they pause to think. But when you are in the shop, you do tend to get carried away because it is like one huge mall with so many stuffs to shop. Moreover, when on the hill, one family see another one and soon they want to out-do each other with their properties to burn.

    ahpek – Trust me, give it another few years…they will have vibrators too. LOL. People are exploiting on our filial piety so it is easy to make money.

    bubbles – You just reminded me about the ‘calling up the dead for a talk’ thingie. We Hokkien call it ‘kan bong’. Next time I write this. Very humorous one.

    romantic – Yeah, last time I used to cook a complete meal with all the ducks and chickens and whole roasted pig. The action is more of a filial thing. But hor, nowadays, they got lazy and buy a packet of chicken rice only. In my opinion, might as well forget it since they no interest. I mean for what.

    Cocka – Yeah, Catholics which means Universal do accept cultural practice. You should see our Chinese New Year’s Eve mass where they honour ancestors. Got ceramic urn, three joss-sticks, wine, fruits. It is to REMEMBER the deceased, not to offer to them to eat.

    Now I am plotting how to be there and do nothing.

  19. if only everyone shows tolerance to all religion in this world, there will be no war….unfortunately, human being is not as such…..i still think its a waste of $$ to burn all those thingy. Its created by human for more $$ capturing the believes and superstitious thingy especially the CHINESE, being chinese myself. No offence meant though….

  20. foodcrazee – Yeah, a lot of money is used. But sometimes, if the family can afford it then, it is just a meagre sum to them because it means they had the comfort of being connected to the deceased. This is very important to grieving parties.

    Not that I am encouraging this practice but that’s what usually keeps grieving parties sane. Even in Christianity, they have a different way of finding this comfort. They believe the loved ones are with Jesus. Just that the way is different, minus being fleeced by humans. 😛

    However, what I simply beh tahan are when the living decesdants insisted to pay equally for the purchase of the stuffs so that if there is any ‘rewards’ they will get equal share. I know many rich families (not my own) daughter-in-laws and daughters will get ill-feelings amongst themselves when the daughter-in-law refused to accept the daughter’s money.

    And when they get bad luck, they question of the stuffs they burnt are being received by the deceased, if received, why the deceased never protect them etc. This makes me super mad. ‘Cos hellooo…deceased people don’t rule the world, God does. Kikkikh

  21. Passport and torch light? O_o

    I wonder do they have alarm clock or not? wtf…

  22. Just to add some personnel opinions. This is what I observed during my grandmother funeral in northern states many years ago : the funeral turn out to be week long family gathering. It is grander than any relative weddings, and most of them apperas during the ceremony .

    BTW, I can’t stop thinking this is Chinese way of getting entertainment during Ching dynasty. FYI : a few times, those sicko emperor ban all sort of public entertainment/events for many decade. Reason : to save peoples money.

    FYI, Chinese does no has a proper documentation for funerals. Because all related document is destroyed by political reasons and never been discussed since Han dynasty(206BC). It is a work done by confucius practicer to please the emperor(you know lar, all this big mark afraid of death and don’t want people discuss it) .

  23. there’re ceramic urn, three joss-sticks, wine & fruits in the church during the cny mass?? WOW, that’s really new to me.

  24. josstick shops are very interesting wan

    come to think of it, i should list down the items i want in my will so that they know exactly what brand i wan for my lingerie horr?

  25. SCB – Like that I want to request not to send me punjabi guards (really got those in turbans, dun mean to be racist or anything) but send me handsome bangladeshi male maids who can double us as gigolos. LOL. Woohoo, I bet there is no rules in the underworld so I can have as many as I want hor?

    sooi2 – Yeah, it is during the Mandarin mass and they even bless the oranges by the cart load with holy water and distribute to us. That’s why some other denominations always confused us. But this is what Pope John Paul II (i think) who sanction it as cultural practice.

    moot_t – Wow, you really know history well. I tend to agree, many of the practice are brought on by the emperors.

    bryan – got got. my sis in law bought for my fil. and they also buy a bicycle for him each year. wtf, my father could drive and he only stopped driving after he made his car a total wreck LOL and ride a bicycle. so they shud get him a bmw instead, isn’t it?

  26. I feel suddenly sad reading the comments about paper stuff for children/babies …. how heartwrenching for a parent to burn them for the child instead of the other way around.

    Anyway, I wanted to ask … are (Taoist) funeral rites the same for adults and children?

  27. One more … actually, who thinks up all these things? The variety of offerings have certainly evolved over the years.
    Growing up, we had a family that made traditional Chinese coffins living about three houses away. The coffins were made right there in their compound. These were the carved-out-of-one-trunk kind of coffins with curves at the ends. Scared the hell out of me to pass by that house at nights, because the completed coffins were displayed in full sight right at their fron door! And they also had these ‘carriers’ where all the effigies and paper stuff were loaded into, lined up by the roadside.

  28. fuiyoh! How come you didn’t pretend pretend to put the red lingerie in front before you snapped the photo ha? Red more racy then blue mah…

  29. Things sure get hotter nowadays down there, doesnt it. I wonder when it’s my time, what those shops have on offer, lol.

  30. samm – yeah, things are hawttt….I mean really hawt kinda hot. LOL.

    MG – Dare not touch oso ‘cos my sis-in-law may think that I am back to their religion. You know lah, they anticipate when I am going to convert their little brother and already beh song me wan.

    QOTH – Yeah, those coffins are damn scary, lucky people don’t do them anymore and it is way too expensive and heavy. Moreover, the whole forest will be cleared if everyone use one tree trunk each, right? OMG, that’s scary! No more trees in the world!

    QOTH – Taoists don’t do funeral for kids. Even during my son’s funeral, only one SINGLE sis-in-law attended. Two others said it is too sad for them, came by to give me donation and went off. Another one said it is ‘suey’ (bad luck) to be there ‘cos her daughter in getting married in a few months time. Kids aren’t supposed to have graves also.

  31. Thanks for your comments. Good luck with your husband. Teaching your children will help cause then you got allies. 😉

  32. SA – My fours kids were baptised with me in Easter 2003. Amen to that. They chosed to do so on their own free will. The baby was 40+ days old then. I baptised the baby because he was God sent, named Matthew. I had him within 10 mths after my other son died. My kids go to cathecism classes so technically, their knowledge on Christianity is more accurate than mine. I lean more on my faith and try to catch up.