One Friday, four years ago…

Me : Hey, Doc, you are a Christian, rite?

Doc : Yeap!

Me : Can do me a favour? Can you pray for Vincent? I heard Good Friday is a very big occassion for you Christians. Must be a good day to pray, right?

Doc : Well, Lilian, I pray for this naughty little guy every day.

Me : Really? How do you do that? I thought you all only pray when you go to church? And you seem to be here (in the ICU) day and night. *grins*

Then, on Good Friday in 2002.

As usual, I would be in the ICU early morning. There is a little glass room with glass wall, glass door and a nurse is always in the room. Along came the tall, dark and maybe handsome Doc. C for his morning round. After all the formalities of looking at the charts, checking the patient…

Doc to the nurse : Are you a Christian? I am going to say a little prayer for Vincent. You can stay if you like.

Nurse left the room.

I was anticipating Doc to do some mumbo-jumbo, holy Bible, holy water ritual. Laugh out loud. Instead, he held his patient’s little palm with one hand and do the cross with another. Bow his head and said, “Heavenly Father, I pray that You will watch over Vincent, give the medical staffs the wisdom to treat him and keep Vincent’s brothers safe from harm when the parents are here taking care of him. Amen.”

This is a copyright print. I received the prints from the artist, Jean Keaton who couriered two prints to me, all the way from USA.

I know some of you (well, I know at least two guys) are going to say ‘Enough liao lah, move forward.” I had never explain why I like to re-wind. It is not for the sheer fun of re-spinning the story. It is a reminder to me why I sometimes do what I do. That event, though bitter, is a catalyst of my Christian way of thinking.

Otherwise, I would have told everyone to go away, don’t bother me, I got a life to live, shopping to do, kids to play with, why should I care if you have a kid dying or both of your children died? So, once in a while, I had to re-wind back in order for me to find the compassion for others.

I just read on BBC’s site questioning faith healers. What I did, asking Doc to pray for my son is very much based on faith. A faith which at that time, I don’t understand fully.

Sorry to all those believers if this sounds harsh, but the very notion that there is a god out there that ignores so much global suffering except that of a select few makes me feel quite ill.

And I have this to say to all the sceptics. None of you have the right to question these people’s faith because none of you are in these people’s shoes. They are driven to desperation by pain/sufferings/ill healths. They believe in God. Yeah, sometimes conmen disguised as god and prey on these vulnerable people. I had been through that too.
God is not answerable to us. He doesn’t owe us an answer why one person is healed through faith and thousands of innocent people died. This is earth, earth means sufferings and hardship. That’s why God promise a Heaven.
The only people that I pity are those well-learnt ones who tried so hard to reason with their human minds. It amazes me how such scholarly people, who knows the Quran, To’rah and Bible, all in one, page by page, verse by verse chosed to spent their God given mind, questioning something that no one can answer. Isn’t that such a frustrating thing to do?

One Friday, four years ago, I could have disbelieved and told Doc C, “Chey…your prayers didn’t come true. Your god probably is a fake.” But no, I received the faith and mercy of God and I trudge on. Now, I learnt to accept, God doesn’t always do things our way. I received much more than what I hope for. Salvation for my family. Peace. Love. Blessings in abundance. Eternal life. And the Holy Spirit.

Jesus’ Death (Luke Chapter 23)

44It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, 45for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. 46Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.

Related : Finding God in hospital

13 thoughts on “One Friday, four years ago…

  1. Dear Lilian,
    I admired you for sharing vincent and his short life.. with us.. over and over again. It takes a very BRAVE mother.. to keep re-living everything. I know.. because i’m a coward mother.. who cannot even talk about the lost of my first child. Mine was a day before Valentine’s day.. and we never celebrate that day.. nor anyone in the family talks about the baby.. for fear of me. .going into depression again.
    It has been many years for me.. but i still am not as brave.. as you are.. my dear Lilian..! for that.. i thank you .. for showing me.. that you’ve gone thru’ it too.. and you’ve survived.
    For those.. we thinks that it is easy to talk about the death of one child.. is not sane..! i can’t. .and still can’t.. šŸ™

  2. *hugs*
    Kak lilian, thank you for sharing this with all of us… it bring tears to my eyes thinking about parents who lost their child…having to go through that while sharing the experience with others, is just … undescribable to me.
    Thank you for showing us all the importance of having faith… keeping faith…

  3. Hi Lilian,
    This is a really touching post. It made me reach for my tissues. Hugs for you.
    There’s nothing wrong with sharing Vincent’s story again & again.
    A very good friend once told me that we can never erase someone from our life ‘cos that’s not what God teaches.
    I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again…you’re truly a Superwoman & I really admire your strength. Although I’ve never met you in person, I really wish I’m like you…strong, friendly & beautiful from within the heart.
    Your posting today taught me that “Faith makes all things possible & Love makes all things beautiful.”
    Take great care, Lilian. šŸ™‚

  4. I think this is the most poignantly beautiful post and the illustration of Christ holding up a baby really touches me.. I’m instantly reminded of the song ‘Tears in Heaven’ by Eric Clapton. *Hugs*

  5. yeah.. the pain will never go away. we only put it in the back of our minds when we are occupied with something else. any small reminder will bring it all back.

  6. Thanks Lilian.

    You remind me again of how its all about acceptance which in turn is all about having faith.

    Vincent was truely blessed for having such a wonderful and courageous mother. And listening to you keeps giving me the courage to see this through.

  7. I find this a really inspiring post. To still have faith in God and continue walking with Him when you’ve been through so much bitterness, that’s a miracle. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. This post has made me question myself for the reasons that I used to push God away from my own life time and again. I hope I’ll be able to come to terms with my own lame excuses and continue my walk with Him soon in the near future.

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