今天我写中文

by Lilian ~ May 9th, 2006. Filed under: Humor.

今天我非常恼怒。 我吮balitong, 一海壳。 我做shrrooorrrtttt 声音当吮。 然后, 来了中国妇女。 与一个肥胖人。 坐在我的桌旁边。 中国妇女去唠叨关于健康地吃。 告诉人不吃大虾或鱼因为她说海鲜坏。 继续唠叨, 要求他发现是确切和非油腻的一些食物。 我继续吮我的balitong, shrrroooorrrrtt… 哪些用辣椒、油、泥, 甲型肝炎、B 、C 、D å’ŒE 病毒被填装。 并且她继续谈论贤良健康吃。 我感觉象捣毁辣椒整体板材油在她的头。 充塞二balitongs 壳入她的鼻子。 并且要求她去回到中国。 我知道她来自中国因为她告诉了女服务员。 末端。

(photo belongs to Boo_licious of masak-masak. I found it on Google. Tks, boo! Hope you don’t mind I borrow your pic.)

Today I very angry.

I was sucking balitong, a kind of sea shell.

I make shrrooorrrtttt sounds when sucking.

Then, came a China woman.

With a fat man.

Sitting next to my table.

China woman went babbling about eating healthily.

Told the man not to eat prawns or fish because she said seafoods bad.

Went on nagging, asking him to find some food that is clear and non-oily.

I went on sucking my balitong, shrrroooorrrrtt…

which is filled with chillies, oil, mud, Hepatitis A, B, C, D and E viruses.

And she went on talking about the virtues of healthy eating.

I felt like smashing the whole plate of chilli oil on her head.

Stuff two balitongs shells into her nose.

And ask her to go back to China.

I know she is from China because she told the waitress.

The end.

Damn! I love Babelfish. It made me more Chinese-y. And thanks to Babelfish, I know when someone bitched about me in Mandarin. Muahahahar…with Altavista Babelfish, I can rule the world and read drliew.net! Not long ago, someone even emailed me:

Hi Lilian, I m not exactly your reader. But time to time I do read your blog. It is funny, sound, and alive.
Accidentally found out that you can read Chinese. (from doc blog)
I was thinking whether you can help me translate this.

For a few seconds, I actually wanted to Babelfish what the person gave me and send it back, pretending I am a Chinese/English scholar. But errm…I am much too humble. Hahaha, with Babelfish, I am powderfool!

Now, you can comment in any languages you like. I can read them all! So, go on, comment in foreign languages!
(the above is Chinese-simplified)

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    21 Responses to 今天我写中文

    1. David
      May 9th, 2006 at 2:29 am

      I don’t think you could pass as a Chinese Scholar with Babelfish la. :) :) (*ducking the plate of chilli n balitongs) :D
      Babelfish is very useful but in the translations, it lacks the flares of a rounded scholar. Mind you, a clever gal like you should be able to figure out most of the Chinese characters !!
      I love balitongs too :D

    2. Wuching
      May 9th, 2006 at 7:31 am

      i LOVE balitongs! *drools* dont have here.. :(

    3. WMD
      May 9th, 2006 at 9:25 am

      wow thanks for introducing me to Babelfish. Brilliant.

      Balitongs…hmm haven’t had them in years. When i suck on them, i try not to see what is coming out…the green, red, black colour makes me geli. But enjoy it.

    4. ah pek
      May 9th, 2006 at 9:31 am

      auntie, lu gong si mik, gua kua boh. ah pek boh dak chek, bueh hiow kua mandarin lah.

    5. Lilian
      May 9th, 2006 at 9:49 am

      ah pek - Apa lu cakap?

      WMD - Yeah, if you eat balitong, must eat in total darkness. Cos got orange colour oso. I also never eat balitong for years and years, dunno why suddenly I got a cravings for them last nite. I had to finish a whole plate! Cos my hubby is allergic to shell fish and the kids went, eewwws…so gross…ewwwss… LOL

      wuching - Good la. Those are toxic stuffs, by the look of it. Growing in the mud like that.

      David - Even if someone dangle RM1million to me, I still won’t be able to read a single thing.

    6. may
      May 9th, 2006 at 10:25 am

      LOL!! and for a moment there I thought why you were writing in Chinese. I can read abit, but translating it on Babelfish is way faster than trying to remember if the character meant this or that.

      Balitong… haven’t had any before, but then again, not too keen on shellfish except for lala.

    7. froginkl
      May 9th, 2006 at 10:52 am

      babelfish is brilliant. i dont need to go to the dictionary aka kamus dwibahasa…& i duno chinese character as well. makes translation for me better.

      I love balitong..but seldom eat them…

      for the china babe u think she is so healty meh…whahahhaha…they eat pig’s brain too…so which is better ? balitong or pig’s brain?

    8. f1re80
      May 9th, 2006 at 10:57 am

      Balitong Masak Lemak Chili Api with Keledek. Fogedda Rice… Shruuup.. Shruuup

    9. mythoughts
      May 9th, 2006 at 11:20 am

      Thanks for Babelfish!! Hehehe..now I can read those chinese emails…I am a self-admitted yellow banana.hehehe…Balitong, the last time I ate them with my colleague, he told me not to look at it, just suck…but curiousity got the better of me, and I sucked one, cleaned it with saliva..and took it out from the mouth for viewing. OH!!! I would never be able to forget the look of it! Alien creature!! Green and red stripes across visible black eyes! Really, these things are delicious, chewy and yummy…just gotta eat it with your eyes close! =)

    10. king's wife
      May 9th, 2006 at 3:37 pm

      i havent eaten balitong for a long, long time. hmm…makes my mouth water!

      Babelfish is one useful website hor? thks.

    11. CLF
      May 9th, 2006 at 5:46 pm

      我以为你会华文的….

    12. Lilian
      May 9th, 2006 at 7:52 pm

      CLF - (hope the translation is correct LOL)
      我说谎我的方式通过以汉语但无法写或读

      KW - Yeah, but very dangerous oso cos they simply tembak wan

      mythoughts - Ewww, it looks gross without the coating of chilly sauce

      fire80 - In Penang, we have a Malay rice stall selling that but I dare not try sebab takut nanti hisap, cili padi yang masuk hidung. Aduh!

      froginkl - Actually, I wanted to keep the post short so I did not tell the whole story. You know what they ordered eventually? Cockles. And that woman asked for soya sauce to dip in it eventhough and the waitress went, huh? soya sauce? That’s when the woman said they ate cockles with soya sauce in China. *roll eyes*

      may - You must have one sucking session. Hahaha, I am sure the humsup guys are going to sit there and stare at you! BTW, it takes skill to suck the twisted/curly body out of the shell, you know?

    13. Skyler
      May 9th, 2006 at 8:05 pm

      I’ll comment in pinyin (pronounciation) so you still won’t know what it is. Muahaha.

      “WU LIAO”

    14. froginkl
      May 10th, 2006 at 12:10 am

      soya sauce is still ok. I have encountered this so called wife of my hubby’s friend asking for vinegar to dip with for dishes she eats. and she ordered pig’s brain without our consent….

      I was like celaka!!!

      and the pig’s brain was suppose to be boiled together with the “ma lat fo wor” aka super spicy steamboat…

      I can’t imagine that again…wana puke!!!
      This is worst than my morning sickness…gosh

    15. suituapui
      May 10th, 2006 at 7:33 am

      Oh! So they’re called balitongs! Was talking about them in Wuching’s at one time;in Foochow, they’re called “chee loi” (”loi” means snails and maybe Wuching can tell us what “chee” means!) and I called them “monkey’s penis” but QV insisted that refers to “tek khang”….. Kinda obscene, eating them - sucking here and there and making gross noises…but I love them! Eat once in blue moon, should be ok!

    16. David
      May 10th, 2006 at 8:01 am

      yup, i ate pig’s brain when i was young! Lots of it too !! According to ma mother, it will make me clever ;) ;) She used to pick up all the blood vessels with a tweezers as i m not supposed to eat the BV too ! Wht a mother !!
      Hey Skyler, for ur info, some of us here were chinese educated. Dun Ban Men Nong Fu, be courteous !

    17. suituapui
      May 10th, 2006 at 8:47 am

      Pig’s brain supposed to be remedy for headaches & migraines. Steam with ginseng and chicken…very delicious! Like tofu!

    18. ¥«¥¤¥í¥×¥é¥¯¥Æ¥£¥Ã¥¯¤Ç·ò¹¯°Ý»ý
      May 13th, 2006 at 1:54 am

      ¤³¤ó¤Ë¤Á¤Ï¡£…

      ¤ª¤¸¤ã¤Þ¤·¤Þ¤¹¡£±ü¸¶¤È¤¤¤¤¤Þ¤¹¡£¤Þ¤À¤Þ¤À¥Ö¥í¥°¤Ï½é¿´¼Ô¤Ç¡¢¤¢¤Á¤³¤ÁÊÙ¶¯¤Ë¤ª¤¸¤ã¤Þ¤µ¤»¤Æ¤¤¤¿¤À¤¤¤Æ¤¤¤Þ¤¹¡£¤¦¤Á¤Ç¤Ï¡¢¼«Ê¬¤Ç¤Ç¤­¤ë…

    19. 深圳人
      May 19th, 2006 at 10:17 am

      你好，中文写的不错，但是还有有些语法毛病，我朋友会马来语，所以我对马来语也有兴趣，多多交流。
      中国深圳

    20. Hakkawawa
      August 5th, 2006 at 5:05 pm

      你的中文可见一般，不过还是支持一下。

    21. China
      August 5th, 2006 at 5:13 pm

      不错，继续努力哦！

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