Hiaks, hiaks, hiaks, I am playing Dear Thelma

I missed church today ‘cos duh, I told my atm I had a meeting at 3.30 pm. While he was watching football. He thought I am going for mass at 3.30 pm so he did not wakey-wakey me this morning. This is my first time ponteng Sunday mass, so God forgives me hor?

Now, there is this letter from Dear Thelma column. She is our Aunt Agony in the Sunday papers. I pity this Thelma ‘cos she always have to dish out politically correct advices eventhough I bet she must have wanted to tell some of those people who wrote to her, “Shut the Fak-ta up, move your sorry asses along and start living instead of trying to pile on your guilts on me and think I am going to tell you, you are going to heaven eventhough you deserve hell’. (BTW, my #2 son said fakta – meaning fact in our national language and his two younger brothers, went , Mummy…..#2 said the F word. Hohoho, so fak-ta it is.)

Here goes the letter I am going to reply:

Missing the message

IS technology good for us? Or are people misusing the cell phone, instant chat systems, or even e-mail?

I am in my late 40s. Two months ago, I began to notice changes in my wife, who is able to go to the gym regularly because she works from home. After her workouts, she will sit by her laptop and behave “strangely” – like giggling and smiling as she types messages.

Whenever I ask what is so funny, she just brushes me aside. She even takes her cell phone to the bathroom and sends a lot of SMS messages from there.

One evening I checked her laptop and found MSN messages from a married guy. They have been swapping pictures and making bitchy remarks about their spouses to each other. There were even suggestions to meet up.

I checked her cell phone and found that they have been exchanging SMS messages too. Is this what we call “privacy” and “own space” in a marriage? How do I tell her that I don’t want a gatal wife?

I find that technology is contributing to sex crime and affecting marriages. Tell me: Is writing e-mails, sending SMS messages and chatting with the opposite sex a crime? (signed some unhappy guy)

You can read our wise Dear Thelma reply from the link provided.

So here’s my reply if I ever get to play Aunt Agony:

Dude, your wife is definitely having an affair, albeit an emotional one. Yo man, something is seriously wrong with your relationship. Ever try to talk? Or are you too busy watching the FIFA World Cup 2006 or playing golf? This sucks, man. You got any kids or pet goldfishes? These are good communication pieces. Get one, kid or goldfish, which is ever is your choice. I prefer kid ‘cos think of long term investment (you can ask for pocket money when you are old)? And kids are cuter too. You can’t lie down in bed together, with a gold fish, both of you looking adoringly at the eyelashes fluttering as the kid is softly snoozing away, gold fish donch have eye lashes, dude. You get me?

Now, what kind of a bitch share bitchy tales about their own spouse, huh? That’s a total biatch, man. But what to do, you are married, no? So, tell you what. Find some interesting stuffs to do with the missus. Go out more often. Get her away from the PC. You know what they say. Play with fire, sure get burn. She is playing with fire, definitely. Ask her to read my blogs. (rolling on the floor) Seriously, I did highlight this matter in my women blog.

You are also a jerk too, you know that? You ran screaming to Thelma. You sniff around your missus’s stuffs. But then, lots of spouses think they have a right to know. Which in my opinion, is not totally wrong but it smells of the mole. Stinks, ya? So, tell you what. It is alright for men and women to make jokes and communicate. I do that too. But the male ones are my siheng. You know Shaolin Temple? Like blood brothers like that?

Now, I got these suggestions for you:

The next time she takes the handphone into the toilet, bang the door and tell her you are about to shit in your pants and feign lausai. That would a be a total turn off for her. Then, she can’t send anymore lovey-dovey sms messages.

The next time she giggles on the laptop, tell her she can giggles reading my blog too.

You actually read the bitchy remarks she made about you? Whoa…You da man. You can take it? You didn’t actually smashed the laptop till the diodes and capacitors fly all over? What did she said about you? Any truth in it? How about improving that area? Too pudgy, too fast, too slow, too lembik…what? Improve that area and probably she will be swooning over you.

As to your last question, it is not only technology that is contributing to sex crimes and broken marriages. It is the lack of morality which is the result of lack of religious foundation in each of us. Ever turn to God? God makes marriage sacred. He will keep spouses on their tracks. God is that little inner voice in each of us that tells us that we are not doing something right. God will keep us in the straight path. God bless your marriage. Pray and I am sure your missus will start to see a new man in you and may both of you be blessed with a loving and fulfilling marriage.

Now, go grab an inspirational book from the bookstores. They have plenty of good books for spouses. Read and be enlightened. (Signed : The 5-extreme-mom)