Kena buli – salah siapa? (Bullied – whose fault?)

Do you all remember the pomp and grandeur when our honourable Minister of Education launched the Kempen Anti-Buli? Huh? Remember? I wrote this on March 9th. Today is almost end of June.
I surfed over to the website and it remains as pathetic as three months ago. Nothing was being updated. No educational materials that we parents can refer to. Nothing that the students can learn. For what good is a website when it has absolutely nothing?I took the initiative to find out materials for anti-bully and put them on my parenting site.
I know that many students do stumbled upon my sites whenever they do research. In fact, my eldest son’s school friends found out about my blog while they were surfing for materials related to handphones in school. I hope out there, some victims may find these information useful. I had just added a whole category related to school bullies. It is time we parents do something. The situation is so sickening.

Police usually intervened. This seems so wrong! Parents are normally very confrontational. What if the bullying case involves children of different races? I am sure things can get blown out of proportion.

In short, there is one good advice (for parents with children who bully):

* Spend more time with your child. Sometimes children bully because of their own sadness, anger or after being bullied themselves. Make special time to find out more about each other.

When you get closer to your child you may find they’ll share the worries behind their bullying behaviour and your understanding will help them through. (source)

And another:

Simply rushing in to the school and demanding action from the Head is not necessarily the best tactic.

Gah! I am so mad. We are thoroughly clueless when it comes to dealing with our children. Go watch this video and tell me you are angry too. Whose fault is it? The whole nation. That’s what.

Shitty video link cannot work here,please surf over to Cynical-Idealist)


21 thoughts on “Kena buli – salah siapa? (Bullied – whose fault?)

  1. suituapui is the biggest bully in school, must have deprieved childhood..tsk tsk tsk, so suffer all his victims! now a teacher still a bully! hehehehe

  2. haai.. i really dunno what to say. I was oso like that during my school days. Nobody did anything to change me. I naturally changed meself! But some of my mates didn’t change till today, though they have mellowed with age.
    So how does a big devil teach a little devil the ways of a saint?

  3. sometime we gotta leave it to the kids to overcome this problem. They will be lable as coward and may feel rejected from their peers. Its actually difficult to handle this problem unless you get the actual rrot cause

  4. if the bully matter dah jadi teruk, we as parents tak leh dok diam je, we have to do something, tak leh jugak nak suruh bebudak tu yang settle hal diaorg..can get even worst…. as well as the school side, please kalau boleh make the school the safest place bukannya tempat yang anak2 kita takut nak pi …. pihak kerajaan kalau nak kempen tu janganlah “hangat2 tahi ayam” make it happen so all the worried parents out there, boleh tarik nafas lega …

  5. Isn’t it our education, newspaper and adult teach the children, POWER is everything(I am too tired to list down all the power corrupt happens in the country)? Seems the bullier is just exercising their new found power.

    And not to forget that our society are not interested in promoting human rights concept, not in school or newspaper.

    I recall my secondary school are famous for gangesterism. But the headmaster is working smart to weed out the problem. Instead of firing suspicious student, he just keep monitoring them and foiled all their taiko chances to infiltrate the school. The decipline teacher(don’t play play, he is martial art expert)) is given authority to create a team of prefect of “pest control activities”. Any adult gangster spotted near the school parameter(yes, even outside the school gates), the teacher will call the police, get a outnumbered team of prefects to follow those gangster, and use “possible forces to upkeep the peaces”(yupe, with their rottan stick) if the gangster is a loner. End up those taiko give up and lay the hand off from the school.

  6. Which we have more responsive headmaster like Moo_t mentioned. Nowadays, they only keep low profile & mumble some mumbo jumbo if necessary. I guess we as parents should always try to build a sound relationship with our kids so they trust us enough to let us know of such instances. I also sked sked of this happening to my kidslah.

  7. Monkey see, monkey do. I believe adults’ behavior are an example to a child. If a parent acts as a bully, the children will grow up to be such. (I explain more details in my blog).

    Our children may have the most expensive toys, wearing designer clothings, going to the best school, it is pointless if they have the lowest class attitude and mentality. Unless we expect to live to a healthy 200 years to be able to provide for our children, we have to prepare them for life on their own.

    So parents, do your part. Love and affection comes in the form of spending quality time with our children, reading with them, explaining the concept and facts of real life. Discipline them and correct them from a very young age when they act against social norms and made them understand that these are not acceptable behaviors.

  8. Hmm. my bro just got bullied by his seniors at his boarding school last week. actually 20 of them – because the SENIORS didnt like them. it all started when he came up to meet his seniors and defended his friend for missing prayer times at the ‘surau’ because his friend was sick.

    before that, the seniors poured soapy water on that kid to wake him up out of bed. my bro went to see those seniors and demanded answers why they’d done such a cruel thing. and eventually had himslef in big trouble with these son of a b**ches.

    it’s quite impossible for 20 students to get out at night to the school gym and these seniors bullied them one by one , without the warden and the teachers knowing. it was just 11 o’clock. is the warden deaf? for the love of God, i think the wardens are in it too!!

    my dad called for explanations. but as usual, schools will protect their names and the case will somehow be forgotten by evertyone in the end. we’re still waiting for answers. i just hope my bro wont be a victim of school bullies and end up… .emmm.. . you know… ‘like the others’. Plz GOD, help!!

  9. First, I am lazy to comment on your previous post, so, I’ll do a 2 in 1 here… Very Nice Watch!!! Looks good on your little boy ler… lol

    Firstly, how would the parents know their child is the bully unless they’re told? The funny thing about parents are, unless their child is bullied, they couldn’t care less if it’s their child doing the bullying.

    Police intervention is inevitable… especially for those ‘not so minor’ bullies. Many a times, when we used the word ‘bully’ harmless pranks (though sometimes go overboard) come into mind. Believe me, when gangsterism is involved, you DO need the police to come into the picture. 🙂

    I agree that bringing in the police is a kind of deterrent and not the solution. But, ideally, both steps should be taken.

  10. Moo_t: Your headmaster and discipline teacher terror. It’s great when schools tackle the problem head on, rather than just resort to surface measures.

    Discipline in my year was great, because our prefect board was pretty responsible that year, and also because our ketua pengawas knew the gangsters themselves, and knew how to keep our school out of trouble. Also, the school authorities got the police to come and ronda regularly. We couldn’t wipe out indiscipline directly, but the situation was pretty good compared to a lot of other schools, imho.

  11. I wonder where is Cikgu STP? Prolly gone into hiding ‘cos he is the head of the bullies. Hahaha.

    cynical-idealist – Gangsterism is another whole new ball game. This one even terror. But smaller bullies also rampant. Anyway, when I downloaded your video, I got all my boys to watch along and get their opinions on what they would do in all the different roles etc.

    helen – But hor…nowadays parents sikit-sikit will over-ride authorities. They dunwan to talk to the teachers, they threaten the HM and this doesn’t help when the Minister himself created website for direct complaints. So, people tend to cover up the smaller ones for fear of it being blown out of proportion. Kids scared of being stigmatised if the parents over-react and they wouldn’t dare to confess. Aiyah, in all, it is a vicious cycle lah.

    abe – Wow, that’s scary man. I hope everything is alright with your brother. We had read too many scary tales in papers nowadays.

    BuzzLife – Exactly, it starts from the home. Kids got angry with life generally so they took it out on others. Then, the parents still not finding the root cause, stem it with force and hence, it gets worse.

    Immom – Yalor, HMs play very important part but good HMs are hard to find.

    moo_t – That’s sound cool! My sons’ secondary school HM also very kerng one. He is a mission brother and doesn’t mince his words. Very respect for him. But schools and HMs like these are rare nowadays.

    mamanuzul – Entah apa Menteri dok tunggu lagi. Hari tu dah masuk dalam international news, still tak ada komen. Tak kan lah susah sangat nak nail the culprit and the school kan? I read on another site, the HM said the girls were play acting. Come’on, who is he trying to bluff? What kind of responsibility is he showing to the children? Bluff and worm their way through problems.

    ahpek – You don’t mean you whack one poor kid with a gang do you? Really? Like that you must stay far-far away, I don’t want to friend people like that. hahaha.

    wuching – STP has ran into hiding. The school is from Miri!!!!

    michael – But parents all dam over-reacting so hard to balance.

  12. It’s appalling…the very fact that these are girls!! i studied in all-girls school all my life and i dun remember any high drama like this…the most dramatic in those 11 years was just a slap btwn sum lesbian lovers. IMHO, physical bullying among boys had been there since the dawn of time while girls tend to emotionally bully each other, which actually can be worse. But now even girls are sending kungfu punches and ass-kicking blows flying all over…wtf??

  13. I always remind my kid, tell your teacher if anyone bully you verbally. If your teacher didn’t do anything, then tell us, the parents, we will do something. I also told my kid not to bully others as well. Goes both ways.
    But I also told my kid, if a bully physically hit you, then hit back, as hard as you can. If you think, you can’t overcome the bully, prepare to run and hope he won’t catch up with you.

  14. the kiasuism in Malaysian nowadays is the problem…a lil discipline, they run over and wanna sue the school. Really over reacting, lar Lilian

  15. It’s a very bad stuff going on, somehow shows that our education system is having a serious prob here. The moral and sivic education is proven useless at this stage…. really.

    Oh yea, abit upset those vids involved chinese, shameful.

  16. Hi 5xmom. I’m glad you brought this up. After seeing that video.. i was *so* fcking pissed. My blood is still boiling. How can those girls just blatantly beat up someone like that? The first thing that came in mind was that those girls are usually treated the same way at home by their parents, and they’re lashing out the same way at people who pisses them off. No way in hell a well brought-up kid would act this way. How can they think it is right to beat up somebody like that.
    Apparently this happened in my hometown. I recognized the ties that those students wear and i know which school it is.
    There’s also an article about it on the Star, and it seemed like the principal of that school wants nothing but to cover the whole issue up. Instead of saying he would look into the matter, which is indeeed very serious one, immediately, his fucking response was people are just spreading this incident to “give the school a bad image”. This is not the time to think of saving your school’s face.
    There are tons of swear words going through my head right now… UGH i’m so just pissed.

  17. Celaka itu Wuching! Tot he already kicked the bucket and joined the Heavenly Choir! (But then, people like them sure cannot go to Heaven one!) Was in Kuching for a meeting…and dinner and KOK with QV, KNB, C4STP – the whole clan! Bullies!!! It all boils down to poor upbringing! BO-KA-SI!!! The parents are the ones to blame!!! See the mother quarrelling here, there and everywhere, even with little cyclists…sure they become like that one!!! Like mother, like sons! Ha ha ha ha ha! (That’s 4 supporting that Wuching, say I’m a bully!)

  18. My school in Sibu lah! Catholic school…all boys and all like angels (thankfully, not fairies…although there are a few of them around!)! BTW, mom always buying everything children want also can lead to bullying…; they get the idea that they can get EVERYTHING and start to covet their classmates’ things…no matter how cheap, how lousy! Tham sim!!!

  19. STP – Wuah…glad to see you online. I thought you gone into hiding. Hehehe. Soli hor, I thot Sibu and Miri semua sama corner. Shows how bad my Geografi is.

    Talk about that two bullies, just two days ago, they came and stalk my kids again. I wasn’t there but my kids went to told some older boys and they kena chased out.

    Dee – Finally the HM owned up but his earlier denial is inexcusable. Still trying to cover up somemore.

    CLF – Every school also got gangsterism so it is a matter how the students stay away from it and how the parents deal with it.

    kc – Me too. I told my kids if kena whack, whack back and run fast fast. But they have rules – cannot whack anyone younger/smaller than them and cannot whack girls. Otherwise, if any one does that to them, defend and runs.

    michael – That’s why lor, so everyone wants to cover up to avoid getting on the police list and front page of newspaper. If gathered the parents and students and sit down and thrashed it out, cannot meh hor?

    sooi2 – Yalor, so violent mya abuse and the HM somemore claim that they could be play-play. It is the HM’s way of handling the thing that irks me more than the actual bullying case. And the bullies’ parents, they ought to get hang on the wall and analyse why their kids so violent. Plus those bystanders boys and girls who did nothing to diffuse the situation. What kind of kids hor? Only 14 years old.

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