Today a total stranger came up to me. She noticed the earrings I was wearing and we chatted a bit about it. I told her it is a gift from someone but I dare not mention who. It is Auntie S handmade earrings. It is funny how a simple two jade ‘donuts’ can look so pretty on my ears. I had been hesitating to wear it ‘cos it is unlike my usual beaded, RM10 for 3 pairs ciplak type.
So, we talked a bit. And one thing leads to another, she told me she noticed me this morning. My butterflies-in-the-tummy moment was at the 7 am mass. I returned to the church at 11.30 am for a meeting when we met. Usually, after my lectoring, I always feel lousy ‘cos I felt I have not done perfect enough. It is not something I can go around and ask everyone, “How was my reading?” If I do that, people are usually too polite to tell me I suxs or too critical and gave me even more pressures. So, I usually, meekly, pull my hair and ponder if I had done justice in proclaiming God’s words.
Lectoring is very significant to me because when I first step foot into a church years ago, it was the lector’s role in proclaiming God’s Word that blew me over. When done right, people who hear those words read from the Bible hear it like God’s message. The lectors will be playing the role of the prophets or apostles, giving out messages from God.) The Gospels, i.e. words from Jesus are read by the priest himself.) If one has had a bad week, lousy time or feel down, those words will be comforting, motivating and full of emotions to them.
That’s why I die-die also keep improving, reading, reflecting and practicing to get this important role right. It is not a mere 1-2 minutes of reading a few paragraphs but how much we can project God’s words through our voices. It is tougher in my cathedral as people are more critical as we have to live up to a certain standard. *wipes sweats* I had been almost kicked out once, after my second attempt. *grins innocently* But I persevered and pushed off those harsh criticisms and put my faith in Jesus. Of course, even now, if I see the person, I still can fall several notches down my confidence self.
But thank God, praise Him, the stranger I met this morning told me I did a good job. I did not even have to ask her! She just said so to me. She said she also noticed how spirited I was in church. She told me she noticed I sang the hymns with so much energy. I shyly explained that the cantor group is my choir leader and members so all those hymns are songs I am familiar with. *happy sighs* Thank God for all the kind strangers He put into my path to prod me on. It is not easy being someone new in a Catholic church . Sometimes, it seems easier to just stay quietly on the sideline or even skip church! And I had been pondering why some people never bother to go to church on Sundays? It is the most exhilarating, adrenalin rushed and emotional uplifting experience. It also makes one feel useful in the community.
So, did you have a good weekend yet?