Because my butt was itchy, I consulted a physician.

A physician is a doctor specialised in our total health.

Because I was am have always been snobbish, I refused to see the Medical Officer (also a qualified doctor) for my flu. (see MO one time but did not get better but got worse)

So, to the physician I went.

Because I am such a curious cat and also a kiasi individual, I asked the physician if I am too YOUNG to take a complete medical check-up.

Hell, no! He said. You got money, I got the package! (Hehehe, of course the doctor never said like that lah!)

So, to a complete medical check-up I went.

Uric acid, blood count, cholesterol, creatanin, blood sugar yadda yadda yadda. Hampalang semua every bloody (and I mean bloody) tests also I took. Measure my height, weight, waist, pulse yadda yadda yadda.

And Mr. Physician said “YOU MUST LOSE 5 KILOGRAMMES! I will refer you to the Dietician for a eating plan.”

Me : “Eh, doctor, my weight never changed one. My mom is fat so am I.”

Mr. not-good-looking old Physician : “The Dietician will be able to work out a programme for you.”

Me : (in the heart) Niamah, I probably am more well versed than Miss Dietician on healthy eating, low fat, low sugar, low salt, lots of exercise, plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, small meals yadda yadda kong yehsou (preaching). I don’t want to see a blardy Dietician! I pay her and somemore, I kena lecture.

Eh, doctor, I read from those advertisements on your wall? You can prescribe me some alternative foods (those meal replacement shits lah) instead ah?

Mr. even no-more-good-looking Physician : Well, the only way is to get plenty of exercise and eat healthily. The rests are all bluff wan.

Me : (in the heart again lah) Cilakoi, if bluff wan, why you all somemore advertise wor. How about you give me a referrer to the Cosmetic Surgeon across your clinic. I go liposuction faster wor. BECAUSE I FREAKING HATE THE WORD EXERCISE. I chased after my toddler in the park every day, I carried his heavy bicycle up the small hill, I hardly got any chance to even sit down and take a breath. Somemore where got energy left to exercise wor?

Oklah. When do I see the Dietician?

Haih….why la I itchy butt go surrender myself to this kind of torture? Now I kena say goodbye to all the above foods. I am eating cereals and 0% fat yoghurt for breakfast. Salad for lunch and half the portion of my normal dinner and that includes one large plate of vege. Mr. Physician is going to weigh me in another three weeks and I better get at least 1 kg down or else I have to see Miss Dietician.

So Operasi Kurang Berat Badan (OKBB) starts now. *haih* Five kilogrammes only mah. I like to carry it around, cannot meh? Must really lose it ah? I sked I lose liao, my body too hot for me to handle wor. How ah? All the old men falling heads over heels over me, how leh? Lucky I still got my flu with stuffed nose and bad cough. That’s why I can still escape the dreaded ‘EXERCISE’.

Siapa ada rahsia kurang berat badan? Rahsia melangsing badan?