Two things in life that we cannot control

Nay…not your death nor birth. Not lust nor love.

You know what are those?

1) Sneeze and bad coughs

2) Pangsai!!!!!
I tell you why. Last Saturday, while we were caught in a jam, Mother Nature called. Thank God for a Shell station with a newly renovated toilet in Jalan Datok Keramat. Of all days, I wore a belt that day. You know how urgent when URGENT is? And I have to wait for the traffic light to turn from red to green to red and green again, unbuckle the blardy belt, fold up my pant’s, lock the door, check that there are no peeping holes and no suspicious looking hidden camera or whatever. Nothing is more urgent than that. Not even giving birth. Giving birth still can hold on one more push before the obstetrician finished washing his hands. This one needs to go IMMEDIATELY.

The second trauma I had on the same day. I was very sure my coughs are well suppressed by the Dynadryl and Rhinathol I swallowed. And right in the middle of homily, where the priest was talking and we were supposed to be listening, I got the worst possible cough. I tried holding back but it went ahak, ahak, ahak, chokes, ahak, ahak, control, control, ahak, ahak, totally embarassed….And I cannot get out of my chair because it would appear that I am no longer interested to listen to the priest and that will earn four hundred pairs of eyes piercing me.
And those are two uncontrollable things in life. You can walk away from love, you can switch off your p0rn and turn away from lust. But if you gotta pangsai, you gotta pangsai. Mental note to self: I will not eat so much fibrous, healthy foods anymore because those are like nuclear bomb in your gut and bowel. Diet will have to wait another decade. 😛

So, what are two uncontrollable things in your life?

22 thoughts on “Two things in life that we cannot control

  1. I second that motion..wait a minute..aint that the same as passing motion 😛 hahaha

    Well, usually when I cough when the priest is giving sermon, its a case that he’s used up his 10 + 2 extra minutes allocated time and I’m bored so he should shut up soon or else everyone’s going to sleep hahaahhaha (cakap pandai..but I think I’m also kindda long winded hahahaahaha)

  2. 1: people’s attitude
    2: cakes that won’t rise…LOL!!

    pangsai i can somewhat control…even cough oso still can control a bit (swallow lotsa saliva when there’s no water in sight)

  3. 1) sneeze – i think if u hold yr breath u cant sneeze. and when you have a half-sneeze, walk out to a sunny area, and u can sneeze awa

    2) cough – drink warm water le, or suck on those cough drops, fisherman friend etc

    3) pangsai – pangsai can tahan. now LAU-sai…(cirit birit) that one really cannot tahan. it burns some more. LOL

    4) period – i think there are pills to delay them, but no good lor…

  4. budokid – Ya, it is the lausai kinda urge that I experienced. LOL.

    sooi – Use lots of baking powder!

    JM – Pangjiu can wait for the next stop. Period got warning wan mah….

    QV – so bad! But lately, sermons are longer because of the conflicting news we read on the international media. I was on lector’s duty that day so I dare not move from my lector’s seat lor. Or else I would sneak away liao.

    Che-Cheh – Must try those female urinal thingie liao.

    yen – It gets worse when we are pregnant.

  5. HEHEHE I know…kindda rude of me sometimes.. I know some of the younger priest, I wld disturb them after the Mass by going..lovely sermon, if only I cld keep my brain awake enough to realise what you were saying at the end and we both end up laughing….

  6. *fell over laughing* Haiyor… so graphic one ar you? *giggle* At least pangsai everything smooth is okay, wait till you have constipation and sit on the throne for hours on end and nothing to show for it. 🙂

  7. There was a time not so long ago when I couldn’t control my hiccups, and they went Kluck, Kluck, Kluck loudly while my whole diaphragm went up and down. Terrible, especially when one has to teach in a classroom full of giggling teenagers.

  8. eh those 2 can control wan … yeah only when u lau sai … that wan definitely cannot control … lai jau lai wan la … haha

    once i went pass a red light and then unfortunately kena block, mahai, damn kau kap si edy, like semi-lausai like that, he block me, ask me why drive so fast, i told him “cik sakit perut la, nak berak – kalau cik nak saman saman kat petrol station depan tu ya … ”

    my face was like damn pale edy … haha he just let me go … scared i shit in front if him maybe … which i might probably do alsoo…

  9. astrosurge – This is tiba-tiba want to bomb so very chialat wannnn…

    WMD – Especially along the highway, OMG, must really pray to hold on until the next 30 KM. LOL.

    earl-ku – Like that next time kena stop, make the same excuse. Encik….mau berak ni….Tolong Encik…. Save RM150

    wuching – Wait till Mrs. Wuching reads this.

    fishtail – Hahaha, I bet they remembered you for a long, long time.

    budokid – I know what you mean! Ewws…but let me warn you, if you have kids, you have the dirty job of yanking it out!

    luxeferi – But between the two, I’d rather sit on the throne. Dun wan to poop in my pants lah.

    IMMOM – just remind me of the nightmare! After inhaling all those gases, the phelgm sure want to come out and we can’t cough. Sufferings….

    QV – I heard so much about Father Jojo. Where is he now?

  10. i have to agree with you, cough and period! period even tho take pills also will come like un-expected wan… i once ride on a public bus on my way home and i have this so uncontrollably cough…like cough and cough and until tears all coming out from my eyes… the poor guy sitting next to me offered me tissue and asked me if i need medical help or not!!! he tot i have some attack or something!

  11. EEEYEEER! Pangsai- worst.

    I was in my dorm room at one end of the corridor (in my university days) and our common loo was like at the other end of the corridor.

    Suddenly I had that urge it felt like got python in my bowel turning round and round.

    So I had to like quickly change into a towel, and, walk-walk-run, stop and clench butt-hole for python to make second turn (If walk or run when it turn sure cannot hold the Python in wan!!).

    Walk-walk-run-stop-clench, Walk-walk-run stop-clench, Walk-walk-run-stop-clench, AYOOO- I tell you!!!.

    Never again…

  12. Bwahahaha…my colleague looking at me weirdly…
    now i cannot control my laughter…
    I totally agree lau sai is 1 thing u cannot control.
    There was once I lausai in my pants while pushing my boy in a stroller back from his nanny’s place. It was the worst 10 mins walk in my life.
    The goosebumps, cold sweat and lower tummy cramp.
    1 thing i can confirm, walking aggravates the lausai than driving due to gravity. lol

  13. Fr. Jojo? Nt sure, last I saw him was earlier this year, maybe he’s back in SFX in PJ? Celestine might have a better idea than me..

  14. Haha Lilian, actually people can control pangsai most of the time. Otherwise, it’s called “incontinence” liao. If really incontinent, it’s a BIG headache liao.

    But then, better not keep too long. And then horr… the motion becomes hard. And then horr… become constipated. And then horr… kena this lah, kena that lah. So here’s good advice: Don’t postpone it (too long). Hehe.

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