A present for you, but you aren’t here

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I was somewhat subdued early this morning. You see, we have four gifts and I thought of adding one for the one who is no longer here. Last night, one of the choir member gave me a little gift and I told my atm to add it in to make five. It is a candle. We Catholics light candles on special days as it symbolise the bright shining light.

So, yeah, it sort of wrecked my eyeshadows early in the morning at 7am because I had to be in church by 8 am. But I brushed it off. Tried to. Actually.

Got to church, started singing for 30 mins before mass. But the rotten things is Vincent’s doctor came to mass too. It then, reminded me of the time three years ago. Vincent used to go to another doctor in another hospital but that lady doc went for holidays overseas and I had to find Dr. C.

It was Christmas Eve when I went to see Dr. C. We sort of clicked immediately. Maybe because we are of the same age, or maybe because his birthday is the same as Vincent. I can bitch to him about how bad his hospital was (which services had improved a lot after my complaints, somehow) and he in turn will tell me the secrets about doctors that we patients shouldn’t know.

Vincent had an infection and Dr. C gave him a thorough check-up. He was telling me that it is Christmas Eve and he got to work. (‘cos I whined about not being able to find my regular doctor because she was on holiday) That first visit turned out to be one long marathon of a topsy-turvy ride with him eventually.

Anyway, it was a beautiful morning and probably I sang much better than usual because I know that without Vincent, I probably wouldn’t have found Christ. And without Dr. C, I probably wouldn’t have found the Catholic faith. And without the Catholic faith, I probably wouldn’t be as joyful as I am now.

So, all is well in the end. This is just a temporary, momentarily thing because I have Matthew to occupy me. But on this day, I do grieve for the other parents who are missing their children. Their Christmas no longer has that extra present. Because some of these children, are the only child. Like Dr. Ng and his only child Sherrise. To them, I pray they find strength.

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When I see Mother Mary adoring her Baby Jesus, I am sure she is filled with pain too because she knew that she will lose Him eventually, as foretold. But He brought light to the world. Very much like how my son, Vincent brought light to my life.

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