Leceh betul.Â In the evening, I was on my way to a meeting.Â By the time I got to my apartment ground ‘Touch and Go’, I realised that the card is not in my car.Â So, I wound down my window, gave a polite ‘pon pon’.Â Normally, the guard will just use their card to open and let us out.
But DNMCH, today got two young punks on duty.Â I asked nicely, ok? ‘I terlupa bawa card lah, tolong buka sat.’Â Blardy hell, I already asked nicely, so just let me out, right?Â But that farker went acting highly belagak like he is some sort of FBI or BukitÂ Aman’s royal guard.Â He cakap banyak and grumble all the grandpa stories like I just live there.
So, I could reverse my car and call my kid to bring it down, right?Â But cannot ‘cos at the back of me, there were three other cars.Â One of them is my neighbour who was going out the same time with me as we were reversing the car out of the carpark earlier.Â This bugger started honking.Â Not just any horn but looooong honk.Â So, in my heart, I dem tulan adi.Â I said secretly, honk hamidlanjiao lah, your baba god never teach you the virtue of patience, issit?Â Grow afro so big, teach you what ah? You cannot see that I am stuck there ‘cos I have no card, the cheebye guards want to act belagak and refused to let me go through.Â And all of youÂ brainless buffons don’t know how to reverse your cars so that I can get out of the way, issit?
I kept persuading the guards to just swipe the card and get it over with.Â But stubborn pigs refused.Â So, I take my handphone and call my atm to get the card for me.Â Tiu leh, the guard thought thatÂ I am calling who.Â He shouted, “Phone kita punya bos lah, lu ingat kita takut kah?”Â Limpeh lagi tulan.
So, I tembak balik lah.Â “Buat apa saya buang masa dengan kamu semua.Â Jadi guard saja, nak belagak, pi belagak lah.Â Aku tarak senang nak layan. Â Puadah…..pi tengok muka hang kat cermin.Â Guard saja lah, hang ingat hang besaq kah.”
(what for I waste my time with you.Â You are mere guards, want to act, go and act lah.Â I am not free to bother with people like you.Â Go to hell lah, take a look at the mirror.Â Only guards you know.)
And my atm asked me to do what you know?Â He said, “Turn off your engine, leave the car right at the gate and block everyone.Â Then, take your sweet time and take the card yourself. Teach them a lesson.”
Aiyor..I dare not lah.Â I diam-diamÂ reverse my car to the side after all the three morons at the back reversed theirs.Â Niamah, wait I go trample all the grass, weeds, flowers of that honking neighbour of mine.Â Put so big afro god, sikit punya manners pun tarak.Â I couldn’t give a fark to the two stupid guards ‘cos they probably had their first taste of a uniform and got carried away with their new status. But this cilaka neighbour can very well see that I was stucked there with no card and not like it is a big crime, he pulak go honk so loud and so often.
And I am not all that bad, ok?Â I got tabik sorry to the car behind me for holding them up, ok?Â Lucky my api died by the time I got to the meeting or else….
So, if you are in my position, caught between two dumbasses and a bunch of annoying neighbours, do you think you dare to do what my atm asked?Â He would, I know.Â He is the kind who will not give a flying fark and will probably leave the car there for all he cares.