What you need to know about divorce

Cost

If mutual agreement – less than RM2,000

If you want to fight it out in court – at least RM5,00 to RM6,000

Mother’s benefit

If your child is below 8 years old, the court will favour the mom and award custody to her.

If you do not have an income but have parents who can bear the financial cost, then, your parents can be your child’s guardian.

Siblings arrangement

Say you and your spouse take one child each, every week, these siblings must be placed together. I.e. both child will go to either parents. The court ensure that all siblings of divorced parents get to grow up together, albeit just a two days in a week.

Another useful community message brought to you by the very kepoh 5xmom!

However, seriously, those of you who know about divorce proceedings in Malaysia, please do share them. Many women normally do not know where to turn to, whom to talk to and how to proceed when caught in a bad relationship.

My personal advice to those facing problems in marriage is – Don’t be embarrassed about it and seek out someone you can trust to talk to. Some religious elders will be the best person. They may help you to reconcile the relationship. Sometimes, what a marriage needs is a middle-man to help you sort out problems. In our Catholic church, we have some very learnt persons who are well-versed with problem marriages and they usually know how to iron out the problems. Divorce should be your very last resort because if there are children involve, it means screwing up innocent lives.

32 Replies to “What you need to know about divorce”

  1. Way back when I was practising law, the worst cases were the ones where the spouses fight for custody of children and property. It can get really bitter and at the end of the day, the children suffer. Also note that there is always delays in the Malaysian Courts and to obtain the final order (legally divorced) may take a year or more. Hope this will help.

  2. Mutual agreement to divorce requires 2 years in waiting
    unless u have a valid reason to divorce like adultery ,non conjugal rights, mental or psycho abuse ,no financial support etc.
    If one partner disagree’s ,then will have to wait for 5 years…only then can file for divorce.

    Place an advert in the papers to proof the date of separations… cut and keep .
    Those who cannot afford the lawyer’s fees and seek the free legal aid council

  3. Divorce is just a piece of paper or a license to remary…
    but ur relationship with the children if any cannot be as easy as on paper..’.air cincang ta’bolih di putus..’
    It is best that u dont go thru a lawyer but rather tok it out between both parties with the help of parents or frends.
    Give and take some…. It is very emotional for the kids , sooner or later when the anger have subsided, the quarrelling parties will come to an agreement over their roles…
    Give it time to work…. Dont rush everything…

  4. A divorce also builds innocent lives, not necessarily “screwing them up” – depending on which side you’re looking at..

  5. Children below the age of 8 is usually given to the mother even if she is not working..unless she is incapable of taking care of them or does not want them…She can claim for child and her maintenance from her ex..

    Dont go to the lawyer the moment u break up.
    Stay separated and try to work out the arrangements .
    This may not be easy as some can be downright unreasonable.
    But given time , both will mellow and come to some arangements . if they have children it can be very hard on a single parent…
    Allow time to work out the kinks…… dont do anything out of anger for u will surely regret…

  6. Being divorced or in marriage where there is no luv and fighting everyday on every issues …is almost the same or one partner who is like invisible all the time. I dont see any difference .

    Luv covers a multitude of sins.. When there is love we dont see our partner’s fault… but when u have no luv…..
    u become critical of everything he does…..Luv is the glue tat gums two people together…. if got no luv… how to hold 2 people together???

  7. When one parent leave,especially the mother , it can be veli heart wrenching when the children at night call for their mother and cries incessantly ,looking out the window or waiting by the door, for the mother to return…seeking for the mother’s warmth, cuddle and luving words…
    Think deeply before u walk out…..

  8. At times like these, knowing Jesus will help u to alleviate ur pains, heal them and make u whole again .With Jesus he is the life and the hope…….
    Cast ur burdens unto Him…and let Him handle everything….

  9. If divorce might come, why marry?
    My parish Bishop is right. Pray for the right partner since young. God will arrange one for you. Dun pway pway la. Marriage isn’t a game. And your kids are not your toys.

  10. I agree with Clare’s statement.

    Sure at times, in this age and times, maybe it seems so easy to get a divorce, but the question here arises, why bother to get married in the first place? Its not as if that you didn’t have the ample time to know the other party? His bad behaviour and such?

    Sure you can shoot the term, love is blind, but then again, that is not an excuse to marry someone and then finding 10 or 5 years down the road that the person is not what you think they are and that you were blinded by love and didn’t see his or her fault then and only realised it 5 or 10 years later.

    This is not the era or time of arranged marriage where you did not know the person you are marrying until you’ve lifted the veil off the bride’s face. Nowadays, you have opportunity to go out with that person, date them, talk to them, some even have pre-marital sex with each other and in all this freedom of dating that we have now, and the freedom of selection of our spouses and you still say that 5 or 10 years later that he’s not the same person that you married, then I must say that there was something seriously wrong with you when you were dating and didn’t realise those things in that person. 5 or 10 years do not create habits that causes divorces. Sure sometimes, we make mistakes but usually or they promise to change when they marry you, however I must say, no, people do not change. What irritating habits you saw when you were dating will remain till the day that person dies.

    It is worse when they are children involve, the emotional trauma that they faces if they are far too young to understand, parents resorting to divorce should talk to their child properly and NEVER instill hope that they will get back together again, as Not all of us are Elizabeth Taylor and RIchard Burton!! Instilling hope that you will get back together again will cause the children to be emotionally attached to one set of parents, usually the one that’s the child is not staying and insist on that set to come home often. They will also be very resentful when you try to lead your life again and date other people.

    So, divorce is not an easy thing, it affects not only you and your spouse but your children and also the community around you…so therefore, before you want to get married, and it is very very easy to get married, make sure that person is the one that you want to spend the rest of your lives with, that you accept all his or her faults and shortcomings and never ever try to change that person’s habits.

    Never ever be pressured to get married because your mother insist that you should or that your parents thinks that he or she is the perfect catch in the pool!! Its you who is getting married not your parents!!!! If anything happens, its you that will face the emotional trauma and stress not your parents!!

  11. It is easy to tok, tell tat to a love struck teen of 17 or 21
    U were 17 or 21 before and know what u were then…
    When people marry , they dont think of divorce ler…
    If u think like tat , u wld never get married…
    Most of the time u were in dreamland with ur knight in shining armour. Wah lao…! U think those young people got all the experience of married life ah?

    Everybody change and sometimes even after 50 years of marriage, u still dont know ur partner ..keke!

    If ur kids marry young…u cannot stop them…they will run away whether u agree or not..
    Everything happens cos God wills it.. Everything is really fated better u accept whatever comes and at peace with ur surroundings….

    Yeah! God told Abraham tat he wld have a son but he went and married his Egytian maid cos he tot God was joking. One can pray to God but sometimes u need to know his will too..keke! Maybe he wants u to be single..LOL!

  12. The biggest mistake of women … they think they can change their men .Atlast, they found out later when they got married , they made a terrible mistake..
    After marriage is payback time… keke!
    Before marriage , she can have rain or sunshine or his head…….after marriage the tables are turned.. God is fair…All’s fair in love and war…

    In marriage it is the beginning of the women’s life but for men it is the end…..domesticated…no more wild .
    For men, the hunt ends and so tats why they dont chase anymore…..or continue the wooing game….

  13. Ong,

    In marriage it is the beginning of the women’s life but for men it is the end…..domesticated…no more wild .
    For men, the hunt ends and so tats why they dont chase anymore…..or continue the wooing game….

    I think I am praying to a different God. My adventure actually started AFTER I got married!!

  14. hey.. this is cool, you should get more info on this. Many if not do not have an idea.. Some dun even bother to find out. Also.. it would be interesting to also touch on the emotional part of it. Some esp women, are so concerned abt what family will think and how they will be hurt etc, that they put it off.. or.. drag it forever, and soon it cools down, hmm which can be a good thing huh? But still they ought to know what is involved.. the phase that one goes thru etc, the pain, anger, denial, acceptance, etc… its a path that one WILL go thru if one is to go thru with it. Or u can choose to LIVE with the person u hate.. or maybe learn to love him/her again. I am amazed how some dun even care to find out the technicalities, becoz of the emotional turmoil they are going thru. I just wish they would just read and know they are not alone, and what they’re goin thru is absolutely normal. Geesshh.. support in malaysia suck balls.

  15. and also.. I am really dissapointed when either party use the child as a pawn!! c’mon, u guys have fallen out.. at least do things right, in the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD. really erks me… what is done is done.. divorce is to proceed, you can either make it ugly.. or do it in the best interest of your own flesh and blood. GOSH!! arghh sorry I so emo.

  16. steven – Ya, many women are trapped in bad marriages which make them miserable and in turn cause them to bring up miserable children. My post is aimed am those women who are in too much emotional roller-coaster. Some left the home and children, and in the end, got accused of neglecting the home and lost custody of their kids. Some took the children along and got accused of endangering their kids lives, being irresponsible and also lost custody of the kids.

    Bernard – Ya, of course, not always but assuming the women are not in any wrong-doings and the factors are beyond their control, they still have an edge. Many women dare not even start to think of divorce because they thought they will lose it all. I am talking about those full-time mothers who have no income and hence, thought they are caught in a dead end.

  17. OK! Who was tat wisecrack who invented this institution called marriage ah?? Probably a woman… haha!

    Ah Pek.. so ur adventure started with close 1 eye and then close both eyes…Keke!

  18. In any divorce ,blame cannot be placed on anyone party.
    Both have to share the blame …one hand clap where got sound 1..?

    Why the men go have mistress or women ..lovers…?
    U not gonna tell me cos he/she gatai ah?

    When they cannot get from inside the marriage, they look elsewhere …. so dont just blame the men …. women are also at fault too….dont demonise men or women….

    The marriage is on the rocks cos it needs two to build a home and if one tear down and the other builds, the house wont last for long..

    Women have many endless needs and wants….infact it is never easy to satisfy any women…..

  19. Sometimes a walk out or separation is good for a marriage tat is on a rock. Then only the other person will really learn to appreciate what they have done ,or how much is their contributions in a matrimonial home.

    When u have got it , u tend to treat it like dirt but when u dont have it.. it becomes like priceless…Some men/women dont realise and appreciate their partners until they were gone…..

  20. In any divorce, it is usually about money,sex ,in-laws and power. Kids who marry young really need guidance from their parents.. Parents can play a pivotal role in their kid’s marriage. As parents do take notice or concern about their affairs , giving a helping hand when ever possible but never interfering with their chosen ways.

    We need to respect their freedom to do as they like or how they chose to live their lives. Some MIL are veli kaypo and want their son and DIL to follow their old traditions. These MIL are like those from hell….. keke!
    Their son forever a kid to their mother……everything must listen to her….. so ladies open ur eyes BIG BIG ,check before u enter tat hell hole…l

  21. Malaysian men veli pampered and spoilt ones…. all cos Malaysian mums lah! Mums treat their sons with special priviledge , do everything for them .So when Malaysian men do get married they also want their wife to be like their mother .. wash, cook, take care of the babies and house and also all their needs..All the men do is bring back the bacon…. tada…

    But now many women go out to work and some even earn more than the men….. so women postponing marriage to a later date… but she finds all the good fish all caught liao … so they wan to be a single mum instead…no choice mah..?

  22. If u dont get married or never experienced marriage or giving birth or rearing children, being a wife ,mother , grandmother , great grandmother ..it is like a part of ur life is being unfulfilled…

    U need to experienced all tat to be a fulfilled women…
    Agree onot?

    Unfortunately , not many will accomplish tat..and so many will be unfulfilled ..wat a lousy life?
    Life now is work like a bitch eat like a bitch and shit like 1..keke!

  23. Tokking of Malaysian mums, my sis still boils the half boil egg for breakfast for her only unmarried single son who is 30 liao…..!!

    Not only boil but also put the contents of the egg into the bowl ready for him to eat..
    he only just have to sit at the table to be served… Wah Liao!!!

  24. Husband asks, “Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
    Without Information Fighting Everytime
    Wife replies,” No, It means ,
    With Idiot For Ever!!!”

  25. Types of woman

    HARD-DISK Woman:
    She remembers everything, FOREVER.

    RAM Woman:
    She remebers you when you turn her on, but she forgets about you, the
    moment you turn her off.

    WINDOWS Woman:
    Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live
    without her.

    EXCEL Woman:
    They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your
    four basic needs.

    SCREENSAVER Woman:
    She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

    INTERNET Woman:
    Difficult to access.

    SERVER Woman:
    Always busy when you need her.

    MULTIMEDIA Woman:
    She makes horrible things look beautiful.

    CD-ROM Woman:
    She is always faster and faster.

    E-MAIL Woman:
    Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

    VIRUS Woman:
    Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expecting her, she comes,
    installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall
    her you will lose something, if you don’t try to uninstall her you
    will lose everything…………

  26. Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
    tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are
    afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten
    apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy.

    So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in
    reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to
    come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top
    of the tree.

    Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have
    already been picked!

    And… men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up
    to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something
    acceptable.
    (source unknown)

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