Kitchen god’s bribe and annual vacation

Ladies and germs, boys and girls, non-Muslims, non-Christians, non-staunch Buddhists dan lain-lain lagi…. In case you do not know, your gods in the home must go for their annual pilgrimage today.

See this calendar?

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Today is the 11th February, 2007 or 23rd day in the month of Muharram or the 24th day of the twelve Chinese lunar month. That means, in another one week, it is a new month. I.e. the first day of the first lunar month of the pig’s year.

So, the first person who needs a vacation is your kitchen god, assuming you keep him in your kitchen, above your stove. You need passports. Buy them from the joss-sticks shop. Got one green and one yellow. I cannot remember the colour but one is to send him and the other is to keep until the 2nd day of the 1st lunar month to receive him. Like Borang Immigrasi like that lah.

But hor, kitchen god is a very petty guy. He sat there in your kitchen, listening to your conversations everyday. He knows that you had been bitching about the hot, big boobs neighbour who just moved in. He heard that you have been yelling at your kids. He saw you spitting into your mother-in-law’s meal. He eavesdropped when you flirted with the gas delivery man. He sees every dirty secrets of yours.

Now..he is going back to see the heavenly god. The almighty heavenly god. Do you want him to bitch about you to theen kong? No, right? He may take out his little black book and blabs and your karma points will dropped several notches.

So, have you bought your tnee kueh? The sweets? You see, he is very easily bribe. So are most people. (got one old post in Food Haven case you want to read more)

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Ok, after you have sent him and your Kuan Yin and whatever else you are worshipping, it is spring cleaning time. Only on this day, can you wash the altar, bath your Kuan Yin statue, change the golden flowers, ribbons etc. Of course, if you are going to bath your Kuan Yin statue, you need to know the rules too. But heh, I am too lazy to explain further. Too lengthy lah.

Want lucky number? Go buy 1157.

Yay, I got my CNY’s clothes already.

14 Replies to “Kitchen god’s bribe and annual vacation”

  1. Ayoii not only the Kitchen God easily bribe ….. give me ‘nee kueh’ stick with keladi goreng, I’ll do anything for you excluding killing (afterward can go to hell one) hehehehe. In any case, if I didnt comment anything between now and valentine, Lilian, I wish you a very very romantic valentine with your ATM 🙂

  2. my kitchen got no god. so I don need to bribe. hhehe.. and I don’t think my kuan im mah is the gossipy type. She whole year sit there doing nothing, never even let me kena nombor!!

  3. Ah Pek – Hehehe, dun say Kuan Yim like that lah. Tak ‘leng’ cos you hari hari see porn, eat beef, eat lotus root, cat fish, drink oh kau. She dare not get near you, how to ‘pou yee’ you wor.

    cili – But I actually dislike tee kueh and ours usually ended up mouldy. Nowadays, I no longer worship so no need to buy them by the dozens. Save $$$. Eheh, Christians save money.

    Terence Doubter – You give me your birth time and Chinese birthdate, I kasi new number. Tailor just for you. My account is……..

  4. The glutinous rice cake is not for bribing the kitchen god lar. It’s to stuff his mouth with sticky stuff so that he can’t talk. KAKAKAKAKA!

    Serious!

  5. doc – I know but I dare not write, sked ppl flame me said I said their god so thamjiak mah. Kehkehkeh.

    OMG – Never mind, your kitchen god go back stim stim forget to report. LOL.

    pelf – I messed up my RSS but good oso, people must come only can read. Give me more traffic. Like some of my peminat, one day check 48 times, half hourly, 24/7.

  6. sifu – I no cook kari, so that’s why I never berdirikari lor. That’s what you mean by berdikari, right? Dor jeh, sifu!

    wuching – HOI, later you come and claim AUD from me, how lah?

  7. Somehow, the tnee kueh that I find nowadays in Kuching has either dropped in their quality or too much preservatice has been added!!

    Gone were the days that you can keep it in the cupboard till its slightly mouldy, then u slice it up, dry it under the sun and then dip in flour and beaten eggs and deep fry it…yummy!!

    Nowadays..the tnee kueh I get does not turn mouldy but rather becomes as hard as rock and when you deep fry it..doesn’t taste that good

  8. Yup, doc’s rite! The tnee kueh is to make the kitchen god’s mouth stick so can’t report your sins!! Aiyo!! So kitchen god owes eavesdropping lah? He in kitchen under the cabinet, how he can hear what goes on in bedroom??? If can, I think i need more than tnee kueh…;have to give him super glue!!! LOL!!!

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