Two timing men excuses

I do not know how I ended up top in this Dutch Google for ‘two timing men excuses’. Since I am such an authority, let me help these men who intend to two-timing to find some excuses. Most of these are based on true life situations of ex-colleagues, friends and people I know.


What excuses to tell the wife/girlfriend :

1) Overtime
2) Work related travel – I know someone who intentionally arranged work related travels with his female subordinate so that they get to curi makan.
3) Sports – This rich guy will go hook up with his mistress in an apartment for some bEdminton. Then, he will wet his sports clothes with water and tell the wife he had sports with buddies.
4) Family demands (assuming she is not married to you) and disappeared for the weekend, claiming you are helping to take care of a sick uncle

What to watch out for

1) That her lipstick stains are not intentionally or unintentionally left on your sleeves, collars and errmm..underwear?
3) No perfume are stucked to your clothes. If you are a smoker, just burn a few ciggies to smoke out the perfume
3) Never sign anything with the credit card
4) Never withdraw any huge amount of money from the bank – Someone withdrew to buy a car for the mistress and the wife found out eventually because the amount of money matched the price of the car which the bitch was showing off! How stewpig.
5) Check under your car seat and luggage that her g-strings are not left unintentionally or intentionally

More points to remember

1) If you intend to two timing your wife/girlfriend, then, never let her know how much money you are making. Keep a separate bank account, unknown to everyone. Otherwise, you have no moolahs to spare and no women want you.

2) You cannot be a creature of habits, i.e. finish work at 5 pm everyday, going to work at 9 am and not working on weekends. Because if you have set that routine, you have no way to escape to two-timing.

3) No matter how ugly or how poor or how stupid you are, there is always a woman desperate enough to be your mistress. True one. I know this man who works as cheap labourer, fugly and yet, got one divorcee willingly followed him.

Now, you think I am crazy to advocate men to two-timing? Nah….just open the paper today and see the consequences of the two chaps who two-timed. Muahahahar, that’s what I call karma. One is a married doctor whom he claimed was blackmailed by an Indian girl. The other one is front page news.

**Added : Go answer ZIFF‘s question. For example :

To quote from Pak Lah: “My love for you will remain as strong as ever. Then, I fell for this one. I believe GOD has created in my heart many spaces for different people that you can love as much as you want.” So dear, now you understand why I’m seeing some one new? (source)

10 thoughts on “Two timing men excuses

  1. Dont know what you writing about. I very innocent and faithful one.

    Whats a goat????

  2. It reminds me of a joke, here goes:
    A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
    One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house,where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m.

    As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
    Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
    “Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
    “Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”

    The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying *******!
    You’ve been playing golf!”.

  3. what to watch out for, point no.6: erase all discriminating sms-es from ur h/p

    p/s> apa the fak itu pak lah so free to tok love…helo, wake n smell the smoke la woi!

  4. Nowadays cari makan very susah. THe guy really has to be a moron to waste his resources 2 timing! lol

    Psst, but then, guys are never too bright one hor?

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