What our Chinese grandmas told us…(myths)

*Disclosure : I got no grandmas, really. Cos my paternal one is in Hainan Island and my father and his older brother came to Malaya when they were very young. So, they never really had a photo of what my paternal grandma looked like. My maternal grandma was a rich man daughter who owned the hills in Bayan Lepas but those properties poofed because old great-grandpa was highly superstitious and never do will so the gahmen took it all. Maternal grandma died long long before my mom got kids so we don’t really have the luxury of grandma’s pamperings. But I do look awfully like my maternal grandma, though. Haih….in other words, I look more like Sing-ning (all fair and round) but got Hainanese typhoon for head.*

Anyway, I just recalled a few stuffs they bluffed us kids with like :

1) If you hold your chopsticks at the far end, you will end up marrying someone far, far from your hometown. But grandmas bluff a lot cos I held my in the mid-span and I ended up marrying someone who lived less than 6 KM from my home.

2) If you never eat up every grains of rice on your plate, you will marry a man/woman with faces full of acne scars. But my atm’s face is so smooth and handsome. And he only used Dettol soap to bath and wash his face. Which sidetracked me abit – I wanted to buy pimple cream and face cleanser for my sons and he said, “Lu mien cho wa eh hou seh pien ah pneah” (you don’t make my sons become cookies)

3) If you wash your hair on the first day you have your period, you will get dark circles on your eyes. I washed for like 30 years X 12 months = 360 times and my eyes pun tarak panda eyes.

4) If you drink soup from the ladle (senduk), you will find a husband/wife with mouth as big as the pot. I also do that sometimes. My atm’s mouth also so handsome. Where got goldfish lips?

5) If you pee on the red ants nest on a hot afternoon, your kukubird (penis) will swell and get inflammed. But I got no kukubird to test that theory. Too bad…What wants to try?

So, before we forget what our Chinese grandmas told us kids, please share! I can only recall these few things.

25 thoughts on “What our Chinese grandmas told us…(myths)

  1. How about these: If you use your finger to point to the moon, it will come down and cut your ears when you sleep. Or if you catch the fire-fly, you will break a bowl or cup.

  2. My grandma says I am hensem. She still does. This is not a myth. Tenkiu. Bwahahahaha!!!!!

  3. I vouch for the kuku story. The kuku will get all swollen and then only cure is to blow it with a fire blower,

    You know the tube that grandma used to blow on the wood fire stove so the fire will light up? That fire blower lah. I have to pull down my pants, show her my swollen kuku, and she will use that fire blower and blow at the kuku 3 times. Miraculously, i will always be cured after that blow job.

    It’s true! I am not bluffing!!

  4. hahaha, ah pek got blow job!!! from grandma summore!!
    if you drink plenty of tau-chooi when pregnant, your baby will come out very fair-skin. – muahaha – that one, tell that to my wife. she drank black coffee, coca-cola during all 3 pregnancies, but my kids still don’t come out looking dark like black coffee or coke! rather, more like tau-chooi instead.

  5. Hmm… I recall back what my sis told me, saying that when they’re building the Penang Bridge, the elders would bluff to children saying that there’s a ghost or something that will kidnap children and use to build the bridge?

    Not sure is this the real story during that days cause I live after that happened.
    Auntie I think you must have heard that before, dont you?

  6. 1.hey chopstick myth was that the distance you held your chopsticks corresponds to the age / time you will get married, i.e. further away means older and nearest younger.
    2. I perpetuate my own myth by telling my kids if they don’t clean up everything on their plate, their ‘partners’ will end up with bad complexion cos God forbid I don’t want my kids to have bad complexion!
    3. Also, have you heard about the myth about not whistling at night or else snakes will come?
    4. My mom perpetuated the myth that if i bit my nails i will see skeletons as the skeletons will be thinking i’m eating bones! I was real scared as a kid, tho now i dont see the logic as in why would skeletons be eating bones???? *doh* i must’ve been a rather dim kid!

  7. La Cucaracha – LOL, I think our kids won’t buy that cos they can Google to find out.

    CLF – I don’t know about that but I do know the Koreans died and there were lots of ghost stories at one point.

    LC – Yalor, ah pek make it so funny. I also drink a lot of kopi-o and now, my kids all hyper oni.

    Ahpek – I know what you talking about ‘cos I also do that blow-blow thing to get the wood fire started. But grandma giving blowjob sounds so obsence. Cilaka lu.

    wuching – Really hor? So, I better let my kids use fork only.

    terence – Why? Grandma lost her glasses? tl 188 – cl 189

    catherine – That too and I really believe the food will ‘run’ inside the little appendix.

    abdohan – I know I was forbade to point to the moon but forgotten why. Now I know.

  8. some of what my grandma told me when i was small

    -point to the moon and you’ll get your earlobe slashed

    -whistle at night and snake’ll come

    -don’t let babies or kids sit on the offering table when u pray or they’ll be consumed by the god or something.

  9. Let me clarify the myth about bridges. According to old wives tales, any construction of bridges, requires a foundation of human heads! Therefore, there has to be certain death during the construction phase of any bridge, be it flyover, suspension bridge etc.
    Not too sure about pedestrian bridges tho *scratches head*.
    I, personally have seen ‘headstones’ along a particular overhead bridge in Jalan Puchong, KL. There’s some chinese characters written on it and i can see remnants of offerrings sometimes. I don’t read chinese so can’t tell you what’s written but if anyone living in the vicinity and reading this myth please explain. There are also similar ‘headstone’ erections along the main road around OUG area and maybe other areas where I don’t know.
    Anyone knows what that’s all about?

  10. Myth1 – My mom used to tell me if we shift seat when we are having our meal, we will marry more than once. Or if u change ur plate during meal, then u will marry more than once too.

    Myth 2 – If u spit on the floor and someone burn ur saliva, then u will have swollen lips.

    Myth 3 – If u play with ur bayang-bayang at night, then u will pee in ur sleep.

    Anyone heard of that b4?

  11. How about:
    1) must throw the milk teeth to the roof, so that your new teeth won’t be crooked
    2) Shaking your legs will shake away all the prosperity and good luck.
    3) only boys can eat eggs with double yolks

  12. I have one.
    If you take a handful of salt of out yr kitchen, next time when u give birth the baby will stuck his hand out first then u gotto give one handful of salt then only he will come out. Hahahahhaahahahahahaha nowadays ppl stay in condo and apartment…means semua all in there how?

  13. “If you hold your chopsticks at the far end, you will end up marrying someone far, far from your hometown. But grandmas bluff a lot cos I held my in the mid-span and I ended up marrying someone who lived less than 6 KM from my home.”

    Maybe is like this… The far end, you will get husband from really really far away like few 100 or 1000KM. Mid span is not very far like you less than 6KM. If holding it much much lower, then just next door šŸ˜›

  14. Anyone remember some myth about pointing at rainbow and then having your finger cut off?

    I got one… If you choke on a bone or something, just put a bowl on your head and hit it with a chopsticks and the thing will be swallowed. šŸ˜†

  15. ah bo….watever apek said bout the blow job thingy is real…i heard that from my elders too…i got a fren who got his nut and cock swollen after he pee-ed on a anthill….then he got a blow job that apek mentioned…….you might think it’s a “wat tiau nang eh ue”(crazy ppl talk in hainan)..but it’s just quite true….hahha

  16. Thanks folks, for all the inputs. LOL, looks like our grandmas bluff kids stories are all very consistent.

    Some are what I heard but some I never heard before, especially the blowjobs LOL.

  17. My dad used to tell me when I was a kid..
    “You cannot change seats while having a meal, or you’ll end up marrying more than once.”

  18. LOL, I’ve been told too most of what you were told šŸ˜€ Another one is that if you make monkey faces and a lightning strikes at the same time, you’ll be stuck with that face forever!!!

  19. Well, i’ve been told about things like, ”you shouldn’t sit on a table, later you will be afraid of thunder” [maybe this is true cuz apparently i AM very afraid of thunder&lightning], “not to sing in the kitchen/while you cook, later you will not find a husband” [theory not tested as i did followed it, haha, i am afraid to be an old maid…], “not to pierce your ear lobes more than one, after you will loose your fortune/wealth” [well, i have 3 pairs of piercings on my ears, and i am still not rich yet. So, does it qualifies for this myth?], “not to cut nails after evening, if you do, you will see a ghost” [haha, another that i did not disobey..] and lastly “must say “che mea oh liu” (excuse me, i need to pee) if you kenot tahan edi, must pee by/on/next to/in the middle of the road. Otherwise, evil spirits will follow you home.” LOL~ Many things ‘taught’ to us by our beloved grandmas hor?

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