Someone commented that I seem to focus my blog topics on my #2 son and #5 more often than the other two. Does this indicate that I seem to have a fondness for these two more than the other two? Well, it is a very brave thing to ask me, isn’t it? Because I believe not many parents will admit that they are sometimes biased.
My children are probably the few that never show much signs of siblings jealousy. Rivalry, yes but not jealousy to the extend where the kids accused the parents of being biased. I have seen many families having that sort of problem. The parent and kid will go into yelling sessions and suddenly, Piak, the kid shouted to the parent that they favour one sibling over the other. I can tell you that my kids have never done that. And they will tell you the same thing if you ask them.
How do I deal with that? I explained to my older kids before I have the next baby that love is like an apple tree. It grows and therefore, we are never short of it. The more brothers they have, the more love we have. Usually, we divide the works of paying attention to them. Say, if I am busy with a new baby, the father will go out of his way to make sure the older ones have things to amuse them.
Maybe, we are blessed with financial ability to make sure that we give equal amount of things to them. Thank the Lord for that because if He can provide us the kids, He will see that we are provided for, in terms of foods and material things. If we buy a toy, we have to buy two or even three. If we really cannot afford to buy two of them, then, we have very good reasons like the child is too young to handle a handphone, for example and hence, he won’t get it till he is old enough.
However, the way we deal with each child is different because of their characters. There is the stubborn and extra ‘creative’ ones which need a lot of reprimanding to make sure they don’t repeat their dangerous mistakes or naughty things for their own safety. Then, there are the sensitive ones who can get a long face with just one or two remarks.
Still at the end of the day, when I received those little notes from them, I know I have done well. The older ones have written that they see how tough it is to deal with little babies and they guessed they have put us through the same thing last time. They can see how we adore the youngest one and they know they too had received the same kind of attention when they were young.
Back to my question – Can a parent love all their children equally? The question is hard to answer. Let’s take the example of a sinking boat. I can tell you that the parent will risk his/her own life to save any one of their children, regardless. That’s the extend of love a parent has for their children. But in the everyday life, it may not look like it because like I said, each child is an individual and parents have to deal with them differently. So, it comes down to the character of the child. My question will be : Do you and your siblings love your parent equally much? Do you appreciate your parents like how your other sibling does? Or do you go out of your way to create lots of problems? Otherwise, it will be unfair to ask your parents this question, isn’t it?
My point of view… Can. Understand everyone of them, treat them like they want, simple. Well, easy to say 😆 That’s how my parent love us… 😛
well..my parents treats me and my sibling equally as an individual and each of us as an unique child of them. i do understand how they raise us. hence there are time when my 2nd sis won’t understands it. where she will says that it’s unfairness.However as we grow up, things changes, and when we are more logical we can see why our parent treated us in such a way.in the end is for our own good.
now as i am a parent myself. i kinda felt how it feels to be a an equal “P_A_R_E_N_T” well…i do wander will i be an equal mom… as my no2 is on the way and my no1 is about 1plus…and still needs lotsa attention…
phew…lotsa hard work…
i strongly agree with you, lilian. my parents use different approaches for each of us. afterall, the length of the our fingers can never be the same, mum always tells us that. perhaps parents dun love all kids equally but they do love their kids in different ways??
I agree with what sy said. Even our fingers are not same length. Which parents actually don’t love their kids leh?
I absolutely admire the question you throw back.
Do you and your siblings love your parent equally much?
I myself never thought of looking at things that way. Thanks for widening my eyes even more.
WHAT? Only 5 responses. So sad…such a good post.
I believe as parents, it’s hard to give equal love. As children, we also don’t give equal love back. We love each other in our unique special ways…. ‘kan?
*shakes head – still can’t believe this post only has 5 responses…WHY? Everyone too lazy to answer?*
I suppose if parents have carried out their duties without biasness, true to one’s heart and all la, the children will eventually come to understand that they are loved by their parents in their very special ways.
I do believe that there are some parents who tend to love one particular child more than the rest of the children. I suppose they have their reasons and it is not a matter of right or wrong.
In parenting there is no such thing as right or wrong… you reap what you sow.. thats life..