Why it is futile for a child to hate either one of the parents

I picked up this very angsty post on innit at nuffnang. Since it is a post pinged to innit and hence, for public viewing, let me share my thoughts on it. This 20 years old girl has every right to be very angry with her father. But sometimes, it is futile to harbour all those feelings. You know why? Because sometimes, just sometimes, the father or the mother may not be the only guilty party.

Previously, I know this college boy who is 19 years old who comes from an abusive family. The father whacked the mom all the time. He told me about it and he even wanted to blog and expose his wrongdoings. I advised him to keep it private. We talked on the phone and I reasoned with him. Ultimately, the shameful party will not be him but his mom as well. His future could be at stake as he is studying law and I told him the internet has permanent memory. Whatever you posted, will stay there forever. Certainly you do not want those dirty details to come and haunt you in future?

So, he posted just a ‘case study’ of an abusive family to release tensions. One stupid moron didn’t know that and true enough, he blamed the woman for the beatings. Our 19 years old blogger here was so distressed because stupid moron implied his mom was the cause. I too feel very mad with the stupid moron who claimed women who got beaten by their husbands probably deserved it. So, I dissed the stupid moron.

See? The world is like that. Women are sometimes too nice and get short changed. They refused to walk out of abusive marriages. They silently suffer with a straying husband. They will not do anything to change their fate. And guess what? It is their choices and none of us, not even the children can do or say anything to change that. They chose that path and sometimes, we can only stand by the side and watch. I don’t know to admire the women for their self-sacrifices for the sake of their children well-being (which I believe is the only reason they stay on in shitty marriages) or to be angry with them for not being tougher and strike out on their own.

Of course, I am not advocating women to take their bags and leave. But rather, know where you stand and work on it. First all, they need their self value before they can do that. Maybe, I will post another more elaborate post on that issue next time.

Gee, I feel like Oprah Wind-free. And no, I have no solution to those problems. Not even to the blog which I just read. It is none of my business but it is just another ‘fact of life’ thoughts.

4 Replies to “Why it is futile for a child to hate either one of the parents”

  1. dun quite understand why that 20 year old girl when she said she has to wait in the car and her dad was upstairs. very grey…

  2. zewt – LOL, I am not making assumptions or referring to that post. But I do know of some man/woman who brought their kids along when they wanna screw around. They sometimes used the kid as the ‘defence’ or chaperon to make the spouse not suspecting. I saw it with my own eyes around my neighbourhood before. But that was the mother taking her kids out. *roll eyes*

  3. These cases become more and more common nowadays, even in our used to be so conservative culture. Things once thought to be in ‘other cultures’ or ‘other families’ now become so near to us. I can imagin the dilemma some women are facing, to leave or to stay to maintain the so called ‘complete family’ on the surface. Things are worse when those women are married to someone with different nationality. In these cases, the women may risk losing their kids while all the while, they are the one responsible for, care for and concern for the children. Sigh… sad case, isn’t it? Auntie Lilian, that’s why I always think that you’re so blessed reading your posts especially regarding your ATM and children. Hehe…

  4. yes, you are sounding like that Ms O. whenever i read your blog, no matter what you say/blog about, i can feel the power in it. you shld be a preacher / hold a talk show like those people.

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