HOME by Michael Buble

I am downloading 70,000 photos from my external hard-drive to my iMac. The photos were all dated back to 2002 when we had our first digital camera. The only photos we managed to take of Vincent was when he was in the hospital, with tubes and all. Then, it was the scattering of ashes. It never occurred to me take the photo of him…errm…without all the tubes (i.e. after they had pronounced the errm…time and removed everything and cleaned him). I personally find it not quite right to take a photo of a person that no longer breathes. But a few of the bereaved parents do have that photos of their child that way and they do share it. I guess it is a personal preference.

I haven’t been paying attention to the grief support group that I started back in 2002. Yet, on and off there are people who joined my Yahoo group. I never ask them how they find the group. In fact, I hardly wants to talk much about the group. But just now, an email sort of remind me of the role that I used to play. I don’t think I can be those parents’ pillar of strength anymore because their grief always set me off into my own little forgotten corner.

Many couples do get into serious marriage problems after the death of their child. In Malaysia, there is very little support given to parents like these. Some of these children died in very tragic manner. Normally, both parents do not deal with the death of their child in the same manner. One may grief openly and the other hide the feelings. Then, frictions appeared.

Do you all remember the TAR college student who was a victim of snatch theft? He was injured, phoned his father and died after that? The mom is in my group too. We communicated through emails and recently, I no longer hear from her. Then, there were a few babies who died in the babysitter’s care due to negligence and many of these were reported in the news. They usually do not get a closure because no one can offer them any justification.

Long time ago, I used to have the passion to provide the support but I suppose it is time I move on and leave the matter for someone else to handle it. Mails come, new members signed up and need approval etc etc. Yet, no one has the toughness to deal with them because it is not easy to listen to a newly bereaved parent and provide them the words they want to hear. So, hang on I will. Once in a while when I thought of deleting the Yahoo Group, things will come and give me a gentle nudge.

I suppose tonight is one of those nights when I am reminded to play that role just a little while longer. God will grant me the strength I need, I guess. Otherwise, I am so gonna press that delete button.

And I am closing the comment. This post is just a way of ranting off those ‘I want to give up, but I don’t know if I should’.