**Warning : This is not some religious post, so spare me your holy-moly thoughts and wise opinions. I am NOT asking for it.**

Why it is hard to be Christian?

I was not feeling well yesterday evening due to tummy cramps, courtesy of Aunt Flo so I had to skip church and SMS-ed to cancel my OHP duty.

Last week, I already ponteng church because I wasn’t feeling well too because…errmm…ah…ermmm..ahhh…I forgot why.

So, just last night, I went to sleep, not feeling like going today because I am sure I am still feeling cramping. Another ponteng church excuses. But prolly Jesus kicked my fat butt out of my sleep and I woke up with a jolt at 9.30 am. 10 am is mass. You know the kind of feelings? You woke up suddenly like you have something and yet, you struggle not to bother.

In the end, I went because church is only 5 minutes from home on a Sunday morning. But before I can even get into the building, I already feel very geram because the car park is full again. This is something no one likes to bring to the attention of the church. I am not going to do it either. You know lah, Christians are supposed to be kind, nice, understanding, altogether holy and don’t do these kind of things one.

I want to grumble already, “Eh, you all finish your service liao, go home lah. Leave some space for us, can ah? I know it is good to have a nice community, have coffee after your mass, build the kingdom and such but still….the next batch of church goers really need the parking space. This is also community what? Go some kopitiam or somewhere and drink the coffee lah.”

But of course, I want to be the nice Christian like everyone, so I kwai-kwai drive around the block, looking for some pavement low enough for my car to drive up. You know, dangling the car half on the road, half on the kerb. If my atm see I park like that, he will ngam-ngam-cham-cham about axel wateva bengkok bla bla bla. I don’t care lah, I can hear the opening hymn already, meaning mass begun.

Ok, into the church building I went. I confess, almighty Lord, for I have sinned…In my words and in my thoughts, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do……

But few minutes later, there I go again. I am a lector and when my fellow lectors proclaim the Word of God, I want to absorb them. I want to hear what St. Peter is telling us. When lector proclaims the Bible, we are supposed to listen. But how do I hear it when the two folks behind my pew is chatting about their past week? Grrr….The urge of not turning my head to look is very strong.

There I go again. Into the recyle bin, wash and re-start all over again. So, that’s why it is hard to be Christian. It is a constant struggle.

After that, we heard that the High Court will be handling some Allah issue end of this month. Good Christians are suppose to pray and leave it in God’s hands that we shall see justice because the word Allah has been used since the time of St. Francis Xavier (in the 13th century?). But bad Christian like me, will pray too. But I also want to say, “Aiyah, no need to say also sure kena thrown out by our courts wan lah…You know who is controlling the law here, not the law but the in-laws.”

See? In the recyle bin, wash and re-start all over again. And in that one hour alone, I don’t know how many times my thoughts strayed and failed to live up to what Christians are supposed to be. Have faith in God, be nice, be kind.

But hey, God loves me, nevetheless. I am His chosen one, still. I may be the rejected goods but still I will cling to my God. Recyle, wash,restart,recycle,wash,restart…..That’s what being a Christian is. Accept our weaknesses and keep turning back and hope for God’s grace. Better that than be a total hypocrite who wears white outside and all black inside. Correct?

Now, where are all my neighbours lah? Wei, I cannot last very long with my Celcom line lah, later my phone burned. Pinjam, can?