One life, live it!

It is a Christian thing. (forget to mention that May 1st Thursday is the Ascension of the Lord) If we do not know how to do something, just ask Jesus. As I walked into the lobby today, Jesus with His open arms were there on the wall. So, in my heart, I said to Him. “Lord, please make sure I don’t make blunders, ok? If not, I kena chialat for being crow’s mouth.”

Of course, it is not the photo that possess the magic power. It is the faith that I can always ask God’s beloved Son for favours. Seeing the photo is just a reminder. Just like Jesus on the Cross crucifix, it is just a reminder. Humans are weak, so having those little signs and symbols give us the extra assurance.

Anyway…we were asked to go over to ask the doctor on what to do next. First, we were alone with the doctor but we asked him if it is fine that we talk to him without the patient’s presence. So, I could ask without worries. “Doctor, I am going to ask you a very direct question. My main concern is for the patient to spend the rest of the time in the best possible way and be happiest. His children are now overseas (and I explain to him why) and I want to be sure that they can see the father when he is still strong and healthy like right now. I hate to see a situation when they came back too late (and I know it will be a big shock to find a feeble, sickly father). Yet, it is a sticky situation (and I explained further).”

Thank God, the doctor is so supportive of the idea. He said he had sent some blocks (whatever that means but it is part of the liver/kidney) to Singapore for further tests. The results will be known end of this week or next. He said wait for that and he will know whether to get the children to come back.

Whatever I learnt about living, I learnt it 6 years ago when my son died. Dr. Cheang always urged me to do all we can afford and can possibly do for the patient so if anything happens, we know we have tried out best.

And I applied that to the couple today. I boldly told them, every one of us have limited time here on earth. Some go earlier, some go faster. Some go suddenly without warning. But since they know that time is limited, whether it is one year, three years, five years or 10 years (I am being optimistic with the time frames), do spend it the best they can. Do whatever he wants, eat whatever and enjoy the time. Don’t let the prospect of death paralysed them or the cancer will be harder to overcome.

I do not know where I was equipped with this outlook of life. I told them that money is secondary. Even if they ended up selling the car, house or totally broke, important thing is to not to give up. I blab about thinking positively and fall back on a faith. I never push my religion to them but I warned them not to go to mediums. I confidently told them that money can be earned.

The Nexavar (sorafenib) costs RM5K for two weeks supply. It is a very frightening figure for them because their insurance coverage are only limited. These two weeks alone, they have spent RM30K in all. Well….there is no other option. The doctor here had asked the Penang General Hospital and they do not have the treatment for the patient. This doctor here works in the National Cancer Centre in Singapore too. He and the other oncologist frequently move about and liase closely with regards to their patients. Hence, the best of both worlds.

Right now, I pray that the cancer is from the kidney. The doctor said if it is the kidney, then, they can remove it. But if it is the liver, then it is harder to treat as the patches were seen all over the liver. They are getting the best pathologist in Singapore to test the specimen.

So, yes, I have said what bothers me most. On the way to the hospital, I already ‘sounded’ to my hubby. I said life, whether long or short, is not important. Important is to live it fully. And that the children, they must come back and see a lively and still active father. Because I cannot imagine the trauma of going away and coming back to someone so sick and so weak.

We all have the same one life. Live it wisely. My son lived for only seven months but that has left a lot of differences in my family’s life. He may or may not have a wonderful life on earth but he certainly had the best parents and siblings. He had our unconditional love and will always remain part of our life, conversations and make up the 5. Six years ago, on May 1st 2002. The best gift from Vincent, in the short time he spent with us is the reality that people lives for only so long and we have to make the best of it.